strongsmartimportant

This is sooo cute! Congrats :D

Oh and @whitedaisies. I agree, not WELL informed, but fairly compared to most medical staff I've ever encountered ahaha. Terrible isn't it?

Thanks guys! I have yet to post my success of disclosure story but will put it up soon as i remember you helped me a lot with that @fitgirl :D Actually it was mainly everyone who replied to this who helped! Such rad ladies!!! I might actually show him this chat tbh. I think i'm more fussed than he is about it all... but then i got something being extremely 'sex smart'. It can happen to anyone! I feel like this forum has really helped me grow to understand everything! If only Opportunity week wasn't at the busiest time of year for work ahaha. Next time! Thanks guys! When I get a GP (just moved to Ontario) I'll see if I could maybe get a referral!

It WAS Dr and she was reasonably informed, but from what I understood there weren't many options available. I live in Ontario at the moment so I'm not sure if you'd be up for asking your Dr if he knows anyone in the Ontario region (I live near Toronto) that would be useful? Long shot but, as you know, worth an ask! @fitgirl I believe she may have meant the Immunoblot for the one that doesn't let you know if it's 1 or 2. So drive to USA and pay for that stuff for piece of mind? Man I work just above minimum wage in retail and can't afford to do all this stuff, neither can he as he JUST recovered from being laid off at his last job (working again yay). I mean it's not as easy for many as, hell what if it doesn't even work out for reasons outside of hsv? I'm taking the road and attitude of... hey I'M at risk too, because he could have hsv2, hpv, and many others that are difficult and not tested for. But original question at hand, what of the statistics for genital to oral transmission rates? If anyone has a link with information (not that incredibly long video, i'm currently working 2 jobs to make ends meet as it is and one is a 2 hour round trip from home, I can't really sift through an hour long video) it'd be greatly appreciated.

Well I DID go to planned parenthood, she said it was about 20% chance it could come up as a false negative and that we wouldn't find out if it was type 1 or 2... I got tested on site for type one, as well as tests to see if i had 2 as well in the UK, but now i'm in Canada and it's quite complicated here! I remember someone on the forums - one of the moderators maybe? Also from Canada who knew a bit more. Ugh it's all rather confusing and such! I don't think either of us are capable of $300 to find that out. If he makes the decision not to get tested then I'm underlying the fact that I am taking around the same risk as he is statistically (i mean pretty damn close).

Hi, I am gshv1 positive, and my partner cannot get a conclusive test as they've never had an outbreak (tests are$200 and we're quite young so... for a test that is what they called a nebula test (ie broad and not very conclusive) we can't really afford that as it may not even be a peace of mind in reality). My big query is if there is any research or evidence of people getting it orally from genital contact. I can safely assume that this DOES happen, especially for cases of ghsv1 as it prefers the mouth but... I can't find the evidence which I was looking for. Basically I was asked if he can give oral and what are the risks? Thanks!

Well, when I got it, we were given incorrect information from the clinic on the leaflets, which just said it was only transmissible when he had an active sore (which I've realised now, is what MOST people think) so we just avoided that. As for cross-transmission after looking on this site, as it was the same strain I don't believe that happens. 1 and 2 can cross over yes, but... not so much with 1 and 1, and 2 and 2?

What an awesome development to what's happened to you! Also, well done for being comfortable in yourself. It's hard for a lot of people especially after that kind of a relationship. You're doing awesome!

It does sound like you've been on a giant roller coaster both physically AND mentally. You need time to grieve, to take it all in, and to let yourself adapt. It's not easy, but it's worth it! With those illnesses you're going to exhaust yourself very easily and stress plays a HUGE part in making it worse so, my best recommendation is to do yoga (i have an app), maybe play an instrument, sing, go for a drive with music... anything to kind of, put yourself in another place? I feel TV and movies can be good for that sometimes, but something a bit more... experience based helps more. Sorry i feel silly not knowing what you mean by xomig? I'm recurrent all the time and am not on antivirals as I'd like my body to fight this sucker on it's own and i know it's largely due to stress right now so, i'm taking extra care to exercise, eat a bit better etc. Many are right, herpes can be a silent positive to make us really question ourselves in what we want, who we want, and to take care of ourselves more. People that shut down emotionally like that are not capable of being with you regardless. You need someone stronger, more resilient and empathetic. You would be the emotionally strong one all the time and, frankly, you're already coping great with these diagnoses. Your body understands what's going on and is reacting accordingly. Spend some time on you today! You can't comprehend shutting down on someone like that because you have integrity, loyalty and compassion on your side. Not everyone has all 3, and not all people have courage. Know that, you clearly have more to offer than anyone who rejects you. I don't believe this whole 'herpes is a preference' thing because, i think most are unaware and it's kind of an 'ignorance is bliss' kind of thing. If everyone was getting tested how we should, not being blind, all of us here would be in a better world (although the medical world is at fault for not testing in STD panels). Sorry for my essay aha. :D

I got C.F.S./M.E. when I was about 15 after a bad bout of mono (ironic that that has given me more life struggles, yet no one focuses on THAT strain of herpes ;P). I know I'm in remission from that from some Dr's in the U.K. and after that news was able to continue with my life. It's a hard goal to get to and I didn't know if that day would come, 10 years is a long time and a huge struggle to have invisible illness (my mom has crohns so she could relate pretty well). I got ghsv1 about... 4/5 years ago i think now? From my other half who had hsv1 orally and he was unaware of the ability to transmit when not with an OB. As I was in a relationship that whole time, it was only really an issue when I had an outbreak. We got some leaflets that gave incorrect information so now as I'm single and terrified of the idea of disclosure, I'm trying to be overly educated and aware. It's getting easier but man, it was like being diagnosed all over again, was very obsessive with it all (still have moments like tonight - this is due to me feeling like i must disclose to a guy I'm seeing as it's just hanging over me). I'm kind of checking out the threads and seeing if others need help too, as it's generally moderators replying to me, would be good to be an extra person to help right? The more the merrier and all that! No worries, your tale seemed to resonate because, well, the TED talk i forgot to link ( credit to WCSDancer2010 for posting originally?) talked about talking to yourself like a friend would. Stop being so hard on yourself and, part of having illnesses and struggles like you do is beginning to take care of your mental hygiene (as he puts it), as it'll make dealing with it all a lot better! I may not reply tonight due to bed but, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me or anything :) Many hugs to you too!

I'm in Ontario, Hamilton region, 27 year old female. Giver was my ex of 6 years, ghsv1 is my cooties. Would be good to meet someone with hsv who understands (most I know seem really uneducated in how it actually works and.. I guess that's why we're all here haha). :)

I'm new to this site and forum but... from what I understand, you've essentially bumped this thread for that most recent part? If so, I've tried to catch up on some of your other posts to figure out what's going on. I'm sorry to hear about your M.E./C.F.S., I've just reached remission phase with that illness, and it's very difficult to have invisible illnesses! I hope you have time to heal and recover from everything happening to you! After the remission news, it's now a year later leaving a 6 year relationship (my giver) and am struggling with the idea of disclosure and how to absorb all of this. I'm saying this because I want you to know you're not alone. Not one of us is alone in all of this, and we're here to let you know, you are worth everything. You're correct, instead of rising to the opportunity, he failed. You didn't. You succeeded fantastically and you still are. You are strong, smart and important (hence username), you are capable and you are wonderful. I know I'm basically a stranger, but just from reading your struggles, you are resilient and can make it through this and come out happier, better and amazing. You're doing so well already. Keep going, you WILL reach your peace with it! I've started to dedicate a small part of my day (usually this forum) to my gshv1 so I can allocate worry time and try to forget about it the rest of the time. I try to do that with any worries as it's a good way to allow myself time to figure things out, grieve, relax, come to terms with it, understand, help others etc... whatever it is, I allow myself that time each day for my gshv1. I try not to go over 30 mins (unless it's an amazing TED talk as below) and then have a distraction ready for afterwards. Laundry folding is mine tonight so... that's showing motivation ;) But basically, that's my plan with coming to peace with mine. I do that for other issues too and it helps. Maybe you should get an h buddy? I'm game, but there may be someone near you you could meet, as i think just having someone to talk to in person who can relate a bit more will help a LOT. We're all here otherwise :D If not, sorry, hope it went well anyways :) Much love!

Yeah, it's hard to say because you're right, there is no 'right' time. I do think i'm over thinking it, but not sure how not to? As for the guy who would 'accept' it, i was just doing what was advised on here, which is to practice disclosing to a friend. NOT that he's welcome to it. Bit of a misunderstanding there :P Was just looking for a male perspective really, and I've just moved into this area so my long time friends friends i'd usually talk to are... in another country! I've talked to some on facebook but, as i say the ones i've mentioned it to are h+ too but are ill-informed! So, made sense to practice disclosing on a newish friend? I AM taking it personally, but it's all, well new and personal to me. I've had it for years yes but, I dealt with it terribly to start and I thought my ex and I would be together for the long haul and as he already was h+ (and my giver) i never thought of the process of disclosure and that i'd have to talk about it you know? So for me it's like, all new again :( Definitely would like to be 'out' like you are one day, but i feel i've had a lot going on and i need to be comfortable with myself to do that but, my goal is one day to do what you have done, because, I think it benefits everyone to break down stigmas if there's more people like you. People feel less alienated etc, well done you :D Do you have any advice or resources on how to not let their ignorance bother me? I mean the stigma has been brought forth i think as I'm now in North America where there IS a big stigma which i'm also not used to you know? It's a big part of it, and I need to bring the previous attitude back here, where it's just a skin irritation once in a while (though i get pretty regular OB's so, after these forums i've realised i might see a Dr soon about that). You're so right about it being something else if it wasn't gshv1! A lot of the break up was to do with us being very comfortable together, but stuck being stagnant and felt we needed to jump in the deep end of our lives, as we were just 'plodding along' kinda thing. Needed to get out there and go for what we want in life! Everything is so different and scary atm so H is something I'm working on too! Thanks again as usual! I hope to be able to give advice on here too as a confident 'outed' h+ person! It's scary because the whole attribution with the 'genitals' makes everyone freak i think too - it was covered in one of Adrians videos that described it really well how when it's below the waist society can lose it a bit. Everyone deals with everything different :) Thaaaanks!

So, I'm a 26 year old female, I just mutually got out of a 6 year relationship and it's with the person i contracted gshv1 from (I always tested before getting into a new relationship and insisted on blood work also), so I'm aware it was him. It's fine because, like most, he was ill-informed that the virus would shed how it does, and the country we lived in at the time, didn't really have a stigma about it like it does in North America (so i can believe the big pharma stories), over there it's basically a more irritating cold sore, or in a 'worse' spot. It happens, but i was devastated because I was one of the few who was really aware of sexual health, and when he got tested I guess his blood work was negative because he had the virus orally since he was a kid (oh goody!), and his Dr also said the whole "you can only transmit it to others during an OB". Oh the wonderful world of medicine! Fast forward to now and a friend and I have started developing feelings for each other. This i thought would be highly unlikely to happen because, well, he's 19! Who would have thought! I've always liked older guys so... this is strange for me. Due to this gap, there's an array of issues between us already, such as others judging the age-gap (though we visually look similar ages), the timing (I didn't plan on meeting someone this soon after a break up), and... my secret! I have been struggling as to when to mention this, or, just to potentially end things now and use the other for-go's as the reason out! It terrifies me to no end! I know that's cowardly but, if it wasn't for this stigma filled skin condition, i think I'd see this situation a lot clearer! We really get along on a lot of levels and have disclosed other secrets to each other, and he always says how great it is that I'm so accepting of everything (yet I'm scared i wont get the same in return). Because of this though, I always feel like I'm 'lying' to him, as, if we hadn't started this kind of... romantic interest, he MAY have been a friend I'd have felt able to disclose to? We have mutual friends of varying ages due to sharing the same hobbies, and I've spoken in another post about his ignorant friend, as well as some of my ignorant friends (who i've tried educating about STD tests not checking for everything etc). Many are simply uneducated and I try to explain to them how it doesn't work as simple as that. But I remember conversations where people say 'ew' about cold sores and it makes me wonder about everything. I know people who have said that (like my sister) who are h+, so i understand that kind of reaction isn't always what it seems. To cut a long story short, I'm also going away in 2 months, for about a month to 6 weeks, and we've kinda set the time frame around that to figure out what we wanna do about this situation. To really see if I'm ready for anything when I haven't been single as long as I'd like, if it's more than infatuation within a friendship, and if the hurdles are something we can get past (although i think the age thing is a hurdle for me, not him from my understanding). But I worry about when to tell him. We've only gone as far as kissing and I don't know if it'll reach the sexual stage or not, so I'm not sure whether disclosing is relevant until things get to that point... But then we all know, sometimes those situations can happen fast! I also worry if i leave it too long (not as long as sexual intimacy), he may feel betrayed? Has anyone experienced this? It's all rather confusing. I feel like I want to just enjoy each others company, have fun (without sex) and see how we feel before I go away for a month, and then maybe disclose then? This gives him the chance to move on while I'm gone if he decides otherwise, and if not, gives him the chance to really think about how he feels? Although 6 weeks is a long time, and things can change. I mean maybe he'll feel free to explore options with others and if this something he'd want. I feel like it is at the moment but, he doesn't know 'this' part of me, and he's quite young, raised in a very secluded town etc, where they're not very informed about, well, anything! But then... what if we decide upon return we didn't want that anyways and disclosure was then pointless!? I also worry that maybe 6 weeks is long enough to freak out and realise it's NOT worth it.. Do you know what i mean? I feel like disclosing is very time, and timing, sensitive! I was thinking maybe a week before departure? That gives us a chance to not feel the burdens and just, hang out and not concentrate on the negatives! I did disclose to a mutual guy friend because he kept asking what was wrong, and he said if he really liked a girl he'd probably 'accept' it. I don't know why the word 'accept' stung, but i think it is me just being sensitive to it all. Most friends i talk to who have cold sores are terribly undereducated about it all also and it makes me feel very down easily, because they don't realise how they may be passing it on, and don't seem to think it's a big deal once I tell them (usually their Dr misinformed them, so it's an easy 'out'). I've been obsessing over it a lot and am quite tired of thinking about it! I've decided I'm going to allocate 1hr a day max (except for this post) to concerning myself with this skin condition. It has taken up far too much of my time. I hope that I'll reduce that time to 10 minutes a day next week and then perhaps only when needed. I use this method for grieving, obsessing and when I'm down... I hope others maybe read this and find it to be a good way to cope. Sorry all my posts are late at night as I work evenings, and my head is a bit everywhere from other life stresses. Thanks for reading!

Oooooh my god I feel very relieved after your post! I really like this guy and would like to disclose eventually, but would like to see how we develop first. I don't want to 'rush' the disclosure as I think he is something special, and I'd like for us to reach a point of wanting to become more than just kind of, 'seeing' each other, and into the talks of sex or more. Is that terrible? It's been a hard journey, and it was extremely terrible to have gone through sexual assault, to get with a great and wonderful guy and get HSV1 THAT way. Life is a funny one. I have friends who have oral HSV1 and don't see it as an issue as most people have it essentially, so, I'm trying to adopt their approach (they still disclose, but in a 'btw i get cold sores' kind of way). I don't know, I've always known cold sores were herpes and that there were different kinds, i always viewed them as the same, a virus. A flu is a virus, so is a cold, those antibodies stay with you forever too so what's the deal!? Don't get me started on his 'friend'! I think he's a insecure man who clearly has some emotional issues that deter him from finding someone. I am the type to be very upfront about everything and bluntly honest (with tact) so, I'm kinda struggling with feeling like I'm hiding something from him, and he can tell sometimes when it pops in my head but... I feel like I want him to get to know me, and really like ME, before i disclose... because then the HSV1 will just be a virus. Thanks so much for your reply! Any other opinions or writings would be greatly appreciated!

So, the story goes like this. I got with my ex at around the age of 20/21, I've always been smart about sexual health and ask about potential disclosure of any STD or STI's. We started dating and making it serious and such and all was well.. Until I had a gHSV1 outbreak. I.Freaked.Out!!! Turned out my partner knew he got cold sores, but wasn't aware it was so contagious. It doesn't help that I made sure we both got tested before having sex, but as most people are aware (now) they don't commonly test for things like HSV and HPV (which is crazy? I had however been screened for these before getting with him due to the terrible experience of rape so, I was certain I got the hsv from boyfriend as I was clear previous to him). He got strange with me in the sense that all of a sudden now he was more aware of how contagious it was, that I had to be more careful with things like sharing towels, cups etc... I was kind of like... Sorry but... we've already crossed that bridge! Fast forward and I stuck with him for almost 6 years. I felt horrible and resentful when I had outbreaks as they are painful and I felt betrayed that he didn't let me know and wasn't very reassuring when I had an outbreak. When I get them it's quite bad and I get a bit sick (usually during menstrual cycle so that helps with my mood too aha). But all in all, we split, we're still friends, all is well. EXCEPT. I've never disclosed to anyone before. Here I am at 26... and... right now I'm seeing a younger guy. Things are already complicated enough figuring out stuff with our age gap (he's 6 years younger) and what to do. The guy is pretty smitten with me, and I believe I am with him (although with more caution), but I'm terrified of disclosure. I have another worry as I have NEVER had an oral outbreak... and this guy have only gone as far as kissing the past week (we've been taking things extremely slow as I requested), but I think I may have an OB orally right now!? I'm not sure and not sure how to find out either. I mean it could be a zit and i think it is (I've got a minor zit outbreak atm so i could be reading into it too much), but i'm scared i'm being paranoid. Is there a way to know if an outbreak is in a new spot, if it really is 'new' via different person!? I.e. perhaps explain I think I may have a cold sore, we should both get tested!? Can i be double positive? Would the cultured swab show HSV due to swabbing skin, or would it be obvious if it was simply a zit in the wrong spot (which, who hasn't had that?). There was no tingling etc. beforehand. Regardless, I have just recovered from an injury on the ice, and he's JUST injured himself recently and is going to the Dr tomorrow and may be unable to work for a few weeks. I don't want to disclose it when things are on a downer and I feel we're under a lot of stress with deciding what to do about this relationship as I think we're both feeling a lot of things and it's because I don't want to rush headlong into something after having ended such a long relationship a few months ago. Basically my worries are: A) How can i disclose my gHSV1 to him without making it sound like a death sentence? He told me of his friend (my age) who ditched online dating because he fell for a girl who disclosed she had HPV and it was a 'life sentence' kind of deal (not as much a friend as a mutual hobbiest but still). It worries me that there is a huge stigma in his social circle to kind of... fill him with more negativity for it... Thus I'm worried how to disclose as it would require some... reprogramming so to say. B) What if this oral issue right now IS hsv1, but on my mouth this time? I'm also feeling very under the weather and much like when I had my initial outbreak below (flu like symptoms etc)... So wouldn't my own virus not hit me as hard!? Which leads me to... C) Is there a way of knowing if this oral sore could have been caused him as an asymptomatic shedder!? I mean 80%... D) I am scared if i disclose and that he DOES have HSV1 that it'll be linked to me, which it may or may not be!? I don't see how I could have got an oral cold sore randomly like this after 6 years with someone who DID get them orally and I never got them there. Is this making sense? I am aware I maybe should disclose before kissing someone!? But my OB's are of the nether regions and I was told via Dr that it's very hard to pass on and that the likelihood of viral shedding orally wasn't really there. I'm very confused and scared of what to do, say, and TIMING. I'm sick. It's my birthday this week, he's injured, we've been very stressed with work... I don't want to make rejection as easy as I can for someone (ie things are hard, nail in coffin), but when things are on such a downer i feel like I don't want this to be the thing that pushes us over the edge. I'm not at the 100% confident to disclose phase, but, I am so damn close it's starting to be all I can think about and making me a bit (very) depressed. We were friends before and it was CLEAR to everyone that we liked each other, but only a few weeks ago did we disclose that much, then only recently the kissing stage, I don't really want to jump in with this just yet but feel in ways i should!? Ugh. Help! I spoke to a friend about it who gets them orally and said she doesn't see it as a big deal and the internet is a huge problem because MOST people have it. Just unfortunate for the ones who get symptoms get to deal with the crud part of disclosing as, well, so many who don't have symptoms, don't disclose! I'm kind of ranting and as I say I'm very sick so I'm going to go to bed and hope when I wake up I wont be completely ashamed of my questions and feelings and can figure out what to do. Thanks everyone, you're all beautiful!