DrNoLove

People are quick to tell you how you should or should not feel. "Get over it." "It's just a skin disease." "It's not a big deal." "You can have a nice life." etc. If you're not thrilled about having it.. aren't you allowed to feel that way? Stop trying to convince me that I shouldn't care, and that it doesn't matter. It matters. Like I said, I know the science. I know the stats. I know the actual location (not skin - but nerves) of the virus and how it sheds. The information, is irrelevant. Maybe some find peace in it - but I don't. So, please.. stop telling me how I should handle this.

Thank you for the honest replies. Those are honestly the best two replies I've received since joining. I've been processing, support grouping, and talking about this, in one way or another, for over 2 years. It's not better.. and believe me, I don't want to be dealing with this anymore.. I've been considering other avenues, but haven't been able to bring that to fruition yet. And rationally, like I said, I know "the facts". It's different when it's you. It would be nice if I could look at it as "just a skin condition", or "just a number/statistic".. but it's not. That's the reality.

Every time I post on here I get one of two responses.. either the type of placating "aw, I understand sweetie" or nastiness. I've gotten both from the 2 posts I've written/responded to within the last 2 days. I am mad as hell. Counseling isn't going to fix that. It's not going to give me my sex life back, my self-confidence, my body, my 30 seconds twice a day taking these stupid pills, or the rest of the time and space that this takes up in my head when I should be thinking about more important things. Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but it's a big freaking deal to me.. and to a lot of people. I'm not in denial. I don't want to have to disclose. I don't want to have an additional barrier to relationships. I did not ask for this. I did not have a say. And I'm f'ing pissed. So you can pat me on the head all you want, but I've got my claws out. Two years and I'm more angry than I ever was.

I have heard all of this stuff ad nauseum.. the stories.. I've seen this video at least a few times. I've read the statistics. I've read the success stories. I've even seen a lot of the threads out there. None of that changes anything. Because what is going on here in the forum, is NOT what is going on out in the world at large. If this is supposed to be a judgment free zone, then I should be able to share MY opinion and MY experiences without getting flack. That's what I did. There IS a stigma - whether you/we like it or not. People typically assume that someone that has H has gotten it by being promiscuous (yeah, I used that word). That's where they go first. And sure, maybe they know you and know you're a good person, or that you don't sleep around, or are responsible, or maybe they don't care one bit. That is not typical "society". That is YOU. So forgive some of the rest of us if all of the people we are surrounded by aren't so enlightened or kind. Some of us REALLY hurt because of this. Not even remotely sorry... actually....

I don't know how this could be equated to a car accident. A car accident can kill you, do nothing to you, or everything in between. But unless you've been maimed, you heal. Even with PTSD, you can heal. And if you are maimed, and deal with the fallout of it every single day, people look at you with empathy or sympathy and help you. That doesn't happen when people find out that you have H. There's no forgiveness or understanding. There's nothing but judgment. People automatically assume that you "whored around" and that's how you caught.. not that you were in a relationship, or were assaulted, or whatever. If I didn't have this, and the person that I was going to be with did, it's doubtful that I would want to have sex with them. It would have to be a beyond phenomenal relationship for me to even consider it. I can't blame others for feeling the same way.

I'm shocked that you were denied. PP (planned parenthood) gives scripts out like they're candy - with no exam and only a few questions at that.

Electric razors seem to have less of an irritating effect, if you'd rather shave than wax.

I've posted before - a while back. I was diagnosed 6/2014. 1st exposure/no antibodies- from a partner that, despite all of the conversations and discussions about using protection and testing, wasn't, and didn't - against my permission. Last week I went to renew my prescription for acyclovir. I HATE taking that stuff.. it's like a reminder, twice a day, that I trusted the wrong person, and was taken advantage of - among other things. I know the stats. I have the info. I've confronted the person. I've done and read all the things that I'm supposed to do. I can't date. I can't even think about it. I want to stop the meds, but worry what will happen if I do. Life is hard enough without this CONSTANTLY hanging over my head. Sometimes it's just those pills twice a day that remind me.. Others it's all day long - like when I'm around other people, especially men. I honestly don't know how those of you that seem to have such a positive attitude about this, have done it.. I've been in a serious depression for over 2 years of it because of it.. And frankly, I'm tired of it - but knowing that I can't make it go away (H), feel like there's no end.

It's a little bit more complicated than that.. and I'm not disagreeing with you that it's not a possibility. The CCR5 is a gene that controls the expression of CD8 T cells.. CD8 T cells aren't specific to specific viruses, they're nonspecific immune system. So, even if we didn't have the (proposed) anti-HSV gene, we could theoretically mimic that effect by doing all of those things we are supposed to do - like eating right, exercising (but not too much), and reducing our stress levels. This will probably become a pet project of mine.. and I promise I'll report back what I learn.

I did it.. I wrote an email and sent it just now.. He has continued to message me and email me and I just decided to get it off my chest. I'm both terrified and relieved. I asked him not to contact me ever again. I hope he listens. I'm not going to pursue anything else on this. There's no point. I don't want to live in the damage/drama/trauma/past anymore. I have a HUGE, crazy, amazing future ahead of me.. it's about time I move on. :)

Rules for living: Never assume anything.... Don't become attached to outcome.... May I play Devil's Advocate for just a moment? What if you needed this to slow down in a relationship? What if the one night stands and the distractions with sex were keeping you from what you really want? I can quote all the stats that everybody else can.. 1 in 4 women, 1 in 5-6 people total.. 85% of people don't even know they have it. Before too long pretty much everyone will have it. Condoms reduce risk by 50%, antivirals by an additional 50% which means that the risk for a guy to give it to the girl using protection and antivirals is ~4% and for a girl to a guy about 1-2%. I know that not a lick of this is going to make you feel all that much better right now. You're not dirty. Be embarrassed if you want to - but not about this. You were just in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing to get this. Take care of yourself. Don't write off the relationship with this girl just yet - you never know how someone is going to respond to you. Love is Love. Let it Be/unfold/whatever. Having a virus shouldn't prevent you from Love.

I'm gonna be a different voice of reason here... :) All of those dreams that you have? Well, being H+ isn't going to keep you from achieving ANY of them. I was diagnosed last June and I swear I thought I would die.. I was miserable.. had a similar reaction to what you did with the flu symptoms, and honestly thought my life was over. I'm older than you (by quite a bit), but I was married most of my life and only in the last few years got "out there" and did any experimenting.. and yes, my numbers are low too - especially for my age.. BUT.. none of that matters. We're all here. In the last year I've accomplished things that other people dream of. And this June, I'm literally moving across the country and following my dreams. I could have laid down and died or done something equally stupid because of this, but I didn't.. I kept going.. because it's just a thing... it's not me. Like any other thing you could become diagnosed with.. cold.. autoimmune disease, or cancer.. it's just a thing.. it doesn't define you. It's not who you are.. you aren't Herpes. You're you - and all the things that that includes.. you just happen to have it. So, go out there and be who you are going to be. Don't let ANYTHING or ANYONE get in your way. If you wanna be mad at the guy that shared this with you - go for it.. but let yourself heal too.. and that's gonna take time and reflection (I'm working on this myself). oh, and read the post that WCSDancer2010 posted above with "yoga" in the title.. She posted it for me recently and it really hit home. And if you want somebody to talk to.. give me a holler. I may not be able to help with everything, but I'm always good for some sort of perspective. You've got this Girl! Now, go give the world some hell!!!!

Yes, it's likely to sting while you have open sores. It might be worth seeing your doc and getting a script for acyclovir. They might also prescribe some lidocaine gel for you that should numb things up slightly. For me, after the flu-like symptoms subsided, my actual outbreak (the worst of it) was only a few days - but there were dozens of lesions. I actually had started taking antivirals before more than 1 lesion erupted - so it knocked it out fairly quickly. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Hang in there.

I gotta throw this in here.. LOL (thanks again!) The gene is CCR5 and there's actually a high incidence of it among Northern European peoples. Depending on the expression of the gene (how it all plays out), it can lead to total resistance, partial resistance, etc - to HIV. I'm not an HIV researcher... (<-- disclaimer) BUT... based on what research I've done, I believe this plays a factor in the spread of HIV among Northern European heritage persons. Not so ironically, it also plays a part in plague resistance... I'm 10,000% convinced that the ONLY way to prevent outbreaks/prodrome/etc is by shoring up the immune system. And for someone who is as much of a geek as I am to say that if someone tells me I need to lower my stress level one more time I'm going to punch them in the face, I read.. daily what it does to the body.. not just for HSV infections, but for pretty much everything else.

(I've read several articles stating similar and also widely varying stats). The article quoted the NIH link as well.. As a scientist, the language in that reads: "We don't know. We just used some math models to guess. We THINK it's this - but we can't say for sure. We want to give you guys hope because we know this sucks and you're tired of dealing with this - plus somebody paid us a bunch of money to do some research so we have to report something - even though it's likely not entirely factual. We're really sorry - this is our best guess. With all viruses, keeping the viral load low is probably a good idea. So - you should do that. Since we know so little about the pattern of infectivity in HSV and why/how numbers of viral particles reproduce so rapidly at random periods of time, we're doing our best (which we know isn't good enough) to try to learn something. But - we admit we know nothing. Sorry." We're no closer than we were to finding a cure. I find it more reassuring that they've discovered CD8 alpha-alpha T cells - and that they suppress outbreaks (supposedly) than that they THINK the viral load needs to be 10e4 to cause infection. Here's an interesting NIH publish on viral latency. It's full of jargon - so fair warning. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK8538/?report=reader Given that the virus camps out in the ganglia - including the sympathetic ganglia, any stressor that activates that ganglia can activate the virus. As a researcher, I would be looking more towards binding sites on the cell that activate the virus and increase replication (regarding flares) and binding sites that could be blocked - which would prevent infection in the first place (or just shoring up the immune system such that cells can' be infected at all - the purpose of an immunization). While Lysine (original question) COULD decrease the risk of replication, it wouldn't have anything to do with cell susceptibility. The immune system (natural or acquired immunity) is the only thing that can prevent that. Another important thing to point out is.... Even if we can "prove" that 10e4 viral particles are required for infectivity - that number would only be accurate in whatever type of system it was tested in. Most of these tests are done on animal models (not humans) - so the accuracy is already altered. They're not done on models with similar physical or emotional stress levels as humans/people that become infected. One thing you'll see over and over in STD research is HIV and how the rate of HIV infection increases (last study I read said 3x) in HSV patients. One could argue that that's due to open wounds. Others could argue that it's due to alteration of the immune system from constantly fighting off HSV. Regardless, the immune system is altered - leading to a lower resistance to concomitant infections. In English - it takes fewer viral particles to cause infection. For most of us, our lifestyles are high stress. This increases susceptibility (lower number of viral particles lead to infection) and increases outbreaks (altered immune system fighting off replicating particles/activation of replicating particles due to altered immune system). Thanks for letting me geek out for a bit... :)