wanderingdot

Yeah, I'm on the same line of thinking. Thank you for your response.

Hi again, So in the early stages the boyfriend was totally fine, and for the most part a very normal sex life. Things changed a month ago after a not so pleasant doctor's visit, which you can find in my previous post. Short story, he now tells me he's always anxious about sex. On one hand that's totally understandable, on the other I'm a little shocked and have no idea how to handle this.

An update: We have been having much less sex now and so I tried starting a conversation. He said he already had the information and so why wouldn't I want him to protect himself, which isn't the issue. The issue is we don't have much sex now because he doesn't like wearing condoms and he kind of ended the conversation with a, "it is what it is," attitude. But I'm feeling terrible and totally rejected, and he's not really responding to that. I've stopped initiated sex altogether and just wait for what he says as horny enough to deal with a condom. Of course he should protect himself, but if this is our sex life now I'm not sure how long that can go on for...

He said his test came back negative.

Yes, @optimist, it feels more like taking a step back in intimacy. And I don't mean by the use of condoms, just the emotional circumstance of that doctor's visit. But let me clarify that in general it's like it doesn't even exist. He's had previous girlfriends with herpes before, but every once in a while there will be these outbursts. Last night he was wanting to have sex without a condom and I was like, "What are you doing?! No, we had this talk, you're putting one on." So it's just weird that one moment it's an issue and the next it's not. I think from here on out I will be the enforcer of condoms to protect us both physically and mentally.

I've been dating my boyfriend for just over a year. I told him about my herpes after the first few dates. He said it wasn't a deal breaker. I had given him all the risk information; that I'm on suppressive therapy and that condoms are important etc. We were intimate pretty quickly after that to my surprise. Shortly after he didn't want to use condoms anymore and said that if he always had to wear one it would be a deal breaker. I felt caught in a hard place because condoms obviously add more protection, but I gave him all the information so.... It's been over a year and he still hasn't contracted it, which is great but I always feel a little uncomfortable believing that he never really was okay with the risk but rather just thought he was invincible. He had jock itch about 5 months ago and freaked out that it was herpes, which gave me pause that maybe he really wasn't understanding of the risks. I told him we should back off until I felt sure he understood. Fast forward to this week, he goes to his doctor who apparently is super negative about herpes and gave him an ear full this last visit. I was wondering why he was a tad distant the last few days. He tells me he wants to use condoms now because the doctor made him feel really bad. I'm all for condoms, but I feel pretty terrible about the whole situation and not really into sex because I feel so tainted now. It's weird because I made the assumption that if you have the hard conversation and they are accepting of it then all is good. It never really occurred to me there could be such a delayed reaction. I really care for him, but I'm not sure if we should continue because I'm not sure he's really okay with the situation, and I have no idea how to talk to him about it.

Oh, and thank you all for your time in responding!! xo

That's the thing, I started taking Valtrex 2 mths ago. I haven't felt 100% since taking it, and my ob still seems to be going strong 5 days after...I'm kind of surprised I got a ob this bad since getting on to suppressive therapy. Not sure what else to do to speed up the healing process. But either way, I'm more concerned about my partner.

Well that's why I'm afraid it might've been during...I go through periods of obs, and this one might've been brought on from just a really physically active week without much sleep.

It's been about two years. I'm feeling extra horrible because this is my first relationship since being diagnosed.

Hi, I've recently started dating a great person who handled the "talk" really well. We got intimate for the first time yesterday, and later today I've noticed one bump and a small lesion. I'm kinda freaking out because,"did I just have sex with an outbreak and expose this person?!" I know the risks are low when you have no symptoms, but I'm not sure if I had symptoms during or if they cropped up after. I am on antivirals and we used a condom, but I'm terrified he was exposed and therefore guaranteed to have it. I know I need to talk to him so he can get the needed tests, but what I'm asking is if there were indeed these symptoms during sex is transmission guaranteed? Right now I'm just praying that we dodged a bullet...