flamesong

I'm about a week into my first outbreak of GH and I am still a little upset by the diagnosis. When I started experiencing symptoms I assumed it was thrush, until Friday morning when I woke up in agonising pain. I took a look in the mirror and was horrified to find a whole load of white, weeping blisters had erupted down my labia. I became quite frightened, having never experienced such pain. Eventually, I ended up calling the out-of-hours service and seeing a doctor who visually diagnosed me with GH and a UTI and prescribed me antivirals and antibiotics. At this point, I have begun to come to terms with my future emotionally. My partner was beyond understanding - he accepted he probably has the virus already and assured me he still wanted to be with me, still found me attractive and still wanted to sleep with me. I cried so much when I told him, and every time I think about how nice he was about it I get teary again - part of me feels undeserving of him. I'm also trying to see this as a challenge. I had started to become relatively arrogant in my day-to-day life, as if I was invincible, and part of me truly believes this was meant to happen to bring me back down to earth. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, as they say. I have only told my partner, and I don't feel I can tell anyone else at this point, but perhaps with time I will learn to have faith in my family and close friends to understand that my condition doesn't deserve the stigma it currently has. I have an appointment at the sexual health clinic on Wednesday for a further talk about the condition, too. However, I am really struggling with the physical side of things. I am terrified of having further outbreaks, even if they are less severe. I've had to take five days off work because I can't walk, I'm effectively bedridden, and it's significantly affected my diet as I can't be bothered enduring the pain required to cook food. I can't go to the gym, which is one of my biggest hobbies, or even walk to the shops. I wake up every few hours during the night. I am really afraid that future outbreaks are going to cause me this much trouble - I can't just take loads of time off work whenever my body decides to play up! It makes me upset to imagine potentially going through this again - especially if it was to happen on a holiday or during a period of stress. I guess I would love to hear from anyone else just to know I'm not alone, and to reassure me perhaps I can get through the physical pain this could cause.