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skroy

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Everything posted by skroy

  1. My backstory. I'm a 47 year old, single mother and successful. I haven't admitted my diagnoses to anyone because of the stigma, the stigma I feel about myself. I've always had cold sores and then had a very small OB about 8 months ago. I'm not sure if I got it from a b/f who neglected to tell me he had herpes til after we slept together because I didn't have an OB til about 2 months later. I guess it doesn't really matter where it came from only that it's here to stay. I haven't dated in all that time because I didn't want to have the 'talk' with anyone about this. Well I've met an amazing man. I wasn't really looking because I'm still not ready for the talk or the rejection or judgement. We haven't been intimate yet however we are so connected emotionally and talk about everything, except the big 'H'. He said he could accept anything...I've made a note of that because I'm not sure he was thinking about accepting herpes in that 'big basket' of acceptance. I've had a million thoughts. Maybe I wouldn't tell him, or maybe I would only tell him I've got the 'good' kind then if he gets it do an "OMG" thing. That's just wrong, I know. I do care for him and will not make decisions like this for him. I'll do the right thing, just not sure when, or how. Now for some feelings, hate this part, I feel dirty, unwanted, unlovable, alone, scared, damaged, unworthy of someone to accept this, hurt, confused. I've kept this locked away so I didn't have to deal with it and now, here he is holding up the mirror in so many ways making me face this and every other fear I have. Fight or flight. Flight sounds easier.
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