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sugarplumfairy

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Everything posted by sugarplumfairy

  1. I'm hoping to find more information about the possibility of oral hsv2 transmission, the likeliness of it happening, do many of you have it? Have many/any of you given it? I'm finding it difficult to find information on this, I know it's rare, but if it is a possibility I'd like to be able to offer concise, factual information to my partner, not just "oh it's so rare, don't even worry about it." In short I really miss being on the receiving end of oral sex so any light anyone could shed on this would be oh so helpful. Please!!! I'm losing my f@cking mind!!!!!
  2. Superwoman- You are so welcome for any words of wisdom I have to offer, believe me I will be re-reading all that you wrote over and over as the perfect reminder of how having h doesn't define who an individual is, it just refines how one chooses to act. Cedar- Thank you as well for your kind words. Even though my experience with this guy didn't quite turn out like I was hoping I know I can stand with my head held high because I acted with honesty and integrity from the start. Perhaps this is all part of the learning process I have to go through as I incorporate h in to my life. I am confident there is someone somewhere that will appreciate my integrity, and willing to see past the stigma. Until then I keep trying. I'm so happy to have found this forum, I take time to read from it daily and take something positive with me as I go about my day. Thanks to all for the light and love! Kara
  3. Superwoman, Your words really hit home with me and I cant thank you enough for your poignancy. Although my outcome was slightly more, for a lack of a better word, dramatic, all of what you mention, from intimacy, to his reaction, to what I told myself regarding the whole situation are pretty much the same. My apologies in advance for this being a bit long winded but I really need to get this whole situation off my chest. Here goes nothing... He didn't run away screaming when I told him, actually stayed the night holding and kissing me. The next morning is when the making out led to sex. We talked about the information he should read, he thanked me again and again for my honesty and that it couldn't have been easy to come forward with something so personal. He called me the next night to tell me he had read the information I gave him and that I am worth any potential risk. Also said he was totally okay that we went a lot further than either had planned and had no regrets. Wow. What a guy :) we hung out a few more times without being intimate which was cool. We agreed sex shouldnt be a focal point while we were getting to know each other. I talked to him very openly about my situation and encouraged him to ask questions, stressing that I didn't want this to be a scary taboo subject at all. He told me he'd never had a hsv test and that it's something he could very well have so why should he judge me, and that he needed to get tested and would make it a priority. What a great thing to hear!!! He then slowly started to vanish and I had to leave town for a week. I sent him some texts that got no response and I got that gut feeling something was up. When I finally got him to return a text he said not to take it personally but he thinks he might have herpes. Say what???? Oh fuck!!!! My heart sank. I thought I was going to throw up. I called him immediately and asked him a zillion questions, the time frame of it all, what his symptoms were, did he have blisters? Feel flu like? His answers didn't quite line up but his paranoia sure did. His fears were insane, but I patiently listened as he told me his career as a sushi chef was over because you can't work around food with this affliction, nor can you play with your nieces and nephews or your friends kids. He told me its just really hard for him to come to terms with his complete and total lack of judgement but maybe this is what he needs to get his life together, he also mentioned he should just off himself in an old samurai warrior suicide ritual. All of this from someone who read the information I presented him??? Great. He agreed to come over after work so we could discuss this further and he could show me his suspicious spots while I put his completely irrational fears to rest. He had calmed down a lot by the time he arrived, our conversation went incredibly well and he admitted he was going a little overboard with what having this means. His "spots" were on the way to healed but were definitely suspicious, told him he needed to get to a dr ASAP and he definitely needed a type specific blood test to check his antibody level immediately. He waited almost two weeks to go to the dr. W.T.F??? The dr told him what he had described sounded like jock itch gave him some cream and sent him on his way. He was ok with that answer and never got the blood test. I've since asked him twice about his blood work. Even though Im on suppressive therapy and the time frame of his symptoms didnt add up to it being from me I'm still paranoid as hell as well as genuinely concerned. there is also my general concern that he should know his status regardless of positive or negative. The first time I asked he said he had been crazy busy but will within a specific time frame. Also told me he's working things out with his ex . Okay, congratulations, told him now he should really want to know. He agreed. After that window had passed I asked again and was told no, he hadn't, but he "didn't need any guilty drama. Relax" I've decided to walk away from it all. I was up front from the get go, stay on suppressive therapy even when im not sexually active, we used protection the one and only time we had sex, I've gotten him all the info he needs to get a blood test, have even offered to pay for it all if his insurance won't cover it. I can't do any more for this guy. This guy who I am not involved with. And i cant keep doing this to myself, My time is worth more than this and so am I. You can lead a man to an std but you can't make him get tested. Perhaps ignorance really is bliss. I've deleted all contact information I had for this guy, I hold out hope that I will hear from him at some point regarding his test results but I'm also being realistic that may not happen. In the grand scheme of things I'm happy to not have him in my life, this is not the kind of person I want by my side for the long haul, but damn, this whole situation has been gut wrenching. It's all part of the learning process though. So thank you superwoman for finding the words to all I was feeling. And thank you hsv for weeding out the jackasses faster than my woman's intuition ever could. Biggest thanks of all to this forum!!! You are all beautiful and amazing!!! Big love to us all! And I too, will keep on trying.
  4. Have you had a blood test? Get an iGg test to make sure what antibodies you do or don't have in your system. Ask for one for type I and another for type II. This should hopefully help you narrow down your search for answers. You should also check out the westoverheights clinic website and check out their herpes handbook, it's full of some of the most helpful, concise information out there. Best of luck to you %%-
  5. I have eczema/atopic dermatitis. I can totally understand your concern, I was worried about the same thing. Auto-inoculation is very rare so I wouldn't worry about spreading it to yourself, however if you are having an outbreak I certainly wouldn't be touching one irritation then the other, but I'm sure you already know that. The frustration and paranoia surrounding what h could possibly do or where it could go is terrible. Anyone else have any input or info on this topic?
  6. I've had the worst 8 months of my life since I found out. I wish I had found this site 7 1/2 months ago, it's been such an oasis of sanity in an otherwise crazy time in my life. I'm learning to be patient with myself and how to love myself more even though at times I feel like less. Reading everyone's stories reassures me that I'm not alone, that no one is perfect and that h certainly should not be a deciding factor in assessing ones self worth. Those are all easy things to forget as we try to navigate our way through the fog our diagnosis drops us in and going at it alone only pushes us further into darkness. Finding this site felt like stepping into the light (cue heavenly angels singing lol). But seriously, the shift in my perception over the last two weeks has been astounding, to the point where friends are commenting on my change in attitude. It's great. The people on this board are amazing!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Adrial and everyone else! I've finally started journaling my story from the beginning and will be sharing it here soon. If you haven't started an h journal yet domh I highly recommend it, it's so important to see how far you've come and it's a process that is helping me a lot. And I completely agree about the medical community being a little f@cked up regarding h. I have to have an h related conversation at planned parenthood today. Wish me luck!!! ;)
  7. So glad the podcast helped :) I listen to it sometimes when I'm having a bad day or down about my situation. I agree completely with everything cbk mentioned. Stay strong, stay calm, stay focused. You got this! Hoping the best for you!!!
  8. Thanks for posting that link adrial! I think it's something everyone, whether hsv+ or not should listen to. It helped me out so much.
  9. You might also want to listen to the savage love podcast #195. Dan savage interviews a director from planned parenthood and they pick apart hsv pretty well and in a casual almost light hearted way. It calmed me down quite a bit and its how I learned about the westover heights clinic. The two books that have come out of there have been my godsend to me since this anvil was dropped on me. I wish you the best of luck with this guy. Fingers crossed and hugs from a stranger!
  10. I will definitely try to make the next one, I know I will not be able to get there in January. Boo! Are they held often throughout the year? I think it's a great idea and look forward to learning more about them. In the meantime and in between time I'll be out west staying positive (pun also intended).
  11. I was wondering if these seminars are only in North Carolina or is it something that travels around? Was also wondering how often they are held. As a west coast resident it's a bit of a stretch to get there but something that might be well worth the trek. Thanks for all the positive work you are doing!
  12. Hello everyone! I'm very new to this board, just signed up today. I'm very interested in chatting with people about this virus and how it redefines so much in your life. I was diagnosed with hsv2 in march and have had a really tough time dealing with it. Some days are easier than others but the rejection because of this is a setback I'm finding quite difficult to overcome. I would love to have anyone to share experiences with to give support to and get support from. I'm in a small town in Northern California and would love to hear from either gender near or far. While I am prepared to go at this alone, I don't think anyone should have to. Hoping to hear from someone soon. Happy 2013 everyone :)
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