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SassyNatty82

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  1. I've been having some ups and downs but things have been much better. I decided to start meeting people who share our condition and been doing the support groups helping educate our community. Well I've been invited to be part of a private group that actually host get togethers throughout the U.S for those of us who have HSV and they also have members for HPV. Since joining them, things have only become better. I've met people over the weekend who came to an event from California all the way to NY! Its amazing how much support they offer and wanted to know if any of you are part of a community like this? If so, do you like it and has it helped you?
  2. Since disclosing to friends, mostly my guy friends, I've been shocked by their responses to my new status. In the past month, 3 of my close friends have taken me out for what I assumed was just a get together, but to them, it was a date. Now, I wasn't looking so much for a relationship as I've been in and out of a long distance one for some time. It amazes me that when I was first diagnosed, I kept saying "omg, no one will ever want to be with me or touch me." Clearly, I've mistaken all the good men out there who are truly understanding. Its hard expressing your feelings especially when you are interested, yet you have this one itsy bitsy thing you need to share. At first, I didn't know how to explain it as I never had a true outbreak and I'm newly diagnosed. But so far, my friends have done their own research and helped me realize its ok. Its ok to have HSV2 and still be wanted, loved Desired and needed. Oh and feel sexy!!! Gotta keep the confidence!. For a woman, that's important and I've noticed the more open and honest I am, the more accepting they are. So my fellow peeps, keep your head up. Eventually a good partner will come along, with or without "h"
  3. Lelani, that's amazing!!!! I'm so happy for you and hope it continues to blossom. 8->
  4. I haven't had any outbreaks just yet. I do feel a bump under the skin, especially since it was time for my cycle. But nothing. I'm not taking any medications or anything. I do have them on hand for when I do have a break out. I'm just waiting... Sounds awful as I've read so many stories and the pain some of which you all went through :( its horrible. I just purchased tee tree oil.. heard it helps very well. And I have zovirax. So I'm prepared... Not looking forward to this by any means.
  5. @Angel my question is, being that many STD test don't test for herpes, what if he did have a test and was being honest saying he didn't have any knowledge of having it? He might not have known you need to ask for it. May want to take that into consideration, but I see your point, but these other woman in your circle of friends... The way its worded and all .. has he slept with them and are they also infected?
  6. That's exactly what I was on about on my views... The stigma. Were trying to reduce the stigma. And that's why I don't blame my ex as he says he didn't know and although I don't believe him, it is what it is. I have this and I'm going to make the best of it. And unfortunately, what we all thought was crazy is she won all this money in court by sleeping with this dentist, and your right, she could have had it from another guy before. Its not like everyone gets tested after each partner. I feel its your own responsibility to protect yourself. That's why they have the consentsual bar, knowing there is a risk but your still consenting to the fact there could be a risk or there may not be one. This is what we are trying to get out in the open and create awareness. Get tested, ask for the right test, test after partners and if you do have it, educate yourself and disclose to future partners. By no disclosing and passing it on from one partner to another, people call it the gift that keeps giving. Not the kind of gift I'd normally ask for. And because so many people don't take responsibilities for their own actions and get tested, many woman and men come up with ways to get back at the so called giver such as the woman who sued the dentist. Therefore creating more social media and creating negative stigma making the herpes virus seems more so like a plaque that's never going to go away and its the worst thing to have. Granted, we have it, but there are things worse we could have and to be honest, I'd rather deal with a minor skin irritation when it happens than anything else such as the HIV virus or even HPV. I completely agree with you @funlovngrl8675. Personally, if someone has the virus or any incurable virus, they should be counseled on it to know all risk, management, treatments, outcomes and other precautions. When I was diagnosed, my doctor offered me counseling. He wanted to ensure I was educated and all my questions were answered. I felt so relieved and that is when I realized, the HSV2 was not as bad as the media mad it out to be! Its all negative because its a sexual transmitted virus.
  7. I seen your post and i was actually having this talk with the support group we had. Some states have laws, some don't as its not common to see these types of cases being brought up In court. California has the strictest laws for all incurable STD's with Florida filling as well as New York. New York states anyone who has the Herpes virus can not have any contact with another person while having an outbreak. I personally believe if someone has it and willingly gave it to another person, they should be held legally responsible. It has life long effects both emotionally and physically. I hope everything works out for you, bit if you do persue legal advice, its important to have facts before hand. There's a girl here trying to go through this as well. Its not easy since neither can prove who infected who...that's were it becomes an issue. People should have to disclose before any sexual activity and if not, there should be consequences.
  8. Many states have laws protecting individuals against someone who willing knew they were infected with an incurable STD such as HIV/AIDS and HERPES. A partner who knows or should have known that they are infected with a sexually transmitted disease would increasingly be held liable for transmitting the disease to an unknowing partner. This includes herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital warts and crabs. Each state has their own guidelines and if you know you have one of these viruses, the main question is... Do I legally have to tell each partner I have intercourse with that I'm infected? Legally, the answer is no. However, subconsciously, for the better part we hope you do in hopes of not spreading the virus. You know you are not to inflict harm onto others as this is considered negligence with intent to harm. What can happen if they get infected and there's proof I knew I was infected? If they were to get the virus, in some states, they can file a non criminal law suit for personal injury with emotional damage and loss of wages due to time off of work or for cost of treatments and prescriptions. You can sue for personal negligence and since this is a life long illness, this may cover therapy as well. In many states, its considered a misdemeanor and may get you jail time, a fine and or both if you do any of the following: ¤ Engage in unprotected sexual activity knowing you have an incurable virus. ¤ Engage in unprotected sexual activity with the intention of infecting another person. ¤ Not disclose your STD status. If you have HIV/AIDS, in California, its a felony, and up to 8 years or more in prison for doing the above mentioned acts. Many states have laws to help protect unaware partners. In Maine, there are expedited partner therapy allowing doctors with patients diagnosed with STDs to give the patients' spouses or sexual partners medication to treat the STDs without making a medical examination of the spouses or partners. So, in some states, it's very possible someone will learn of a partner's STD whether or not the infected partner discloses the problem first. This method should be adopted in all states and for fear of disclosure, could help preventing the spreading of more viruses. What happens if I knew I was infected with one of the incurable viruses and gave it to someone and I get sued? If you get sued, and your partner says you willing gave them a virus that was incurable such as HSV2, they need to have proof. Proof would come from medical records from your medical doctor, such as blood test and prescriptions for the infections. Proof of outbreaks. Proof that they knew by telling someone else and they could be a witness. Then they look at the Consensual-Bar, which is a factor when looking at cases of personal injury related to sexually transmitted diseases. This refers to knowing both parties are consenting to sexual intercourse and understand the risk involved whether or not the truth was told or with held or unknown. You made a consensual decision and you made the choice, so basically... If "Billy" had HSV2 and you asked him before you were intimate and he disclosed he didn't have any type of std and was tested and you went ahead and had intercourse, you consented to accept his answer not knowing it to be true or false. You then would be just as equally responsible. There was a recent case where a woman met a man on EHarmony, a dating website. After a few dates, they became intimate. Well a few things happened... She didn't ask him about his sexual history or testing history. They didn't use a condom or other protection. After they were finished, he decided to disclose he had herpes. Mind you, she was furious and thought he was the right man and felt a strong connection. She called her lawyer and her case went to court. Due to his career, he had an oath, a legal oath as a medical doctor, that's right! He was a dentist and he was sued and she was rewarded $900,000 for emotional damages. This shows how important it is to be honest and why disclosing is needed before you become intimate. Having an STD and giving it to someone and them suing you knowing you had the virus is considered a personal injury lawsuit and its criminal law. Its not common and not all states have statues or laws set for these types of cases, but as stated above, they use the laws similar to those used for HIV/AIDS cases as its an incurable illness which needs life long treatment. Please keep in mind, many of our "givers" didn't realize or still don't know their even infected with the virus as some don't have symptoms and outbreaks. So keeping that in mind, make sure you know if they genuinely knew their status before hand..As many of you may or may not know, HSV2 is NOT part of the basic sexually transmitted screening rest. If your partner said they were tested, always ask which test they had and make sure you ask about the Herpes blood test. Glyco protein antibody IgG is most used to check for antibodies and very accurate compared to past test and more accurate than cultures. This is a type specific test and should be added to your STD test. To avoid this, disclosing is the best thing to do in order to keep yourself out of trouble. Yet, why would you want to put someone else's life at risk? Disclosing isn't always an easy task and for some it can be the greatest challenge. But on here, Adrial has written a free e-book which is pretty great and I'd suggest you take a peek at it. You might feel a bit better about yourself after you read it. If you still feel a little uneasy, there's nothing wrong with practice. Practice how you'd say it, the approach, questions, answers, materials...be prepared, that's the key. Make yourself aware of your condition. The more knowledgeable you are, the more likely your prospective partner will be willing to take the next step. Its about confidence! So please be safe, if your just being diagnosed with HSV2, don't feel like its the end of the world and give up in relationships and dating. Just because you carry apart of this virus doesnt make you the virus. It doesn't take over your whole body, its simply a skin irritation as we like to refer to it as. Right now, you might be thinking, yeah right. It takes time and for some, weeks, months and years to come to terms with their diagnosis. There are others out there who are also carriers and there are people who are understanding as well who will equally accept you for you. Don't cause harm onto others because someone did it ro you. That has happened a lot as I've heard in a local support group. Educate yourself, and educate the people your closest to. Friends, family, and disclose to potential partners. Just avoid giving the gift that keeps giving... Intentionally to avoid the possibility of legal actions. I know this post was long, and I apologize. Had a great group of girls yesterday and we talked about this and it was rather interesting to hear their input. I'd love some feed back on your views and if you feel there should be more laws or fines. What would you do in a situation like this? As the receiver, would you sue knowing you can now take such actions to court or vice versa? I have a slightly indifferent view on this, but want to hear your views first. The information above was received from a family friend who is in law and online resources as well. Lawyers.com . I now host a local support group for young ladies who have HSV1/2. And the Creator of BeProactiveHSV. Hoping to educate the public on the importance if testing for HSV, and getting rid of the social stigmas.
  9. Yes, my sister is on match .com and for what she pays for her membership...I'd think the same goes for the men, I don't think their all on there for just hook-ups. There are some great men out there trying to find their match. I just wish more sites had stricter guidelines I suppose as to how serious one is when on there. I'd be hesitant to try a mainstream one for myself. I'm a people person and love interacting face to face. Mixers would be great, although in our situations or not, eventually, disclosing will follow. I would love to to even put something together like this locally. Maybe ill take your advice :) ill browse about but keep us posted!
  10. I looked into these sites one in particular, PS...positive singles...it reminds me of an NSA type dating site. Many of the men in there already know their status so to them, its no issue sleeping around. A friend of mine has been on it for a few months. She's gone on a few dates and has endless emails. They have all led to the same thing... What are we waiting for, we both want a good time, its not like we can catch anything else! She's heard this over and over again. I checked it out myself and found similar situation. I don't know, sites like that make me feel like they automatically lower our standards as well as the others who are looking for partners. As hard as it may seem, its worth the shot in the dark to go main stream like Atlantic is with EHarmony, and try a regular site. Either way, never settle or lower your standards because someone doesn't appreciate you or you don't feel your worth it. @need2talk, think positive... Remember our chats :)
  11. I just got over a horrible sinus and respiratory infection but didn't have any signs of an outbreak. But...I have a feeling I'm one of those who will get it during their cycle because mine is to start soon and I've noticed an odd feeling. So I'm keeping an eye on it very closely. I've noticed this constant feeling of pressure in one area almost like a stinging. Nothing has come up yet. @Sayyywhatt I've heard horrible stories of how painful. All I can say is I hope i dont have them to that degree and for yours to ease up!!! My goodness and he gave me valtrex for 3 days 2 times a day. Should this be enough??? I'm like freaking but then again I know what sorta to expect, kinda like pregnancy. That's how I'm looking at it...
  12. He prescribed me valtrex for when I do eventually have a breakout and zorivax. He said its better to be prepared and have it on hand and once I get a breakout and we see how often, then if I choose to I can go on daily suppression medication. I've heard its worse during your menstrual cycles and it may be one sore or could even be many. The only one slight symptom I've ever had, I explained to him was a bump which felt like a blemish on the chin that never came to the surface that was tender to touch but nothing else. He said it could be anything and that was my first time tested and it was negative...so after my blood work came back, he said that may have been an ingrown hair or some other skin irritation or even my own type of OB. Ill know for sure if it happens again. So I'm paying close attention and I've heard most woman say that urination is the worst part.. :/ as if you could ever avoid that. I heard a sitz bath is also a way to help relieve some discomfort... Have you tried that? They say sit in that for 15 mins. I'm researching everything to make this as liveable as possible.
  13. After my blood test confirmed both types of HSV, my doctor said I was exposed suggesting I have the virus but I haven't have any symptoms as of yet. My ex and I split up in June of 2012 and he said he got it sometime in May. . He cheated, go figure. My doctor is one of the greatest most supportive I've heard about. He said many men and woman have the virus and don't know it or pay attention to what certain symptoms they could be having. I asked what to look for and he gave me a general idea but disclosed, not everyone is the same and each persons experience is different so its important to pay close attention to your own body. I was very emotionally upset and nearly had a break down in his office during my counseling session but he was great. He said i want you to look at this virus like an annoying mosquito that keeps buzzing about and finally bites you. We see mosquitos here only certain times of the year and hopefully never get a mosquito bite but if we do, maybe one or two throughout the year. HSV is that mosquito, it can show up at any given time unknown but, like a mosquito bite, doesn't last forever just a few days. Yes, the virus is in your body but the outbreak isn't there 24/7. We will give you medication to help ease discomfort when you have your first OB and go from there. To me, that made it sound much better than what I've been hearing. He says herpes in the medical field is like a skin irritation which at most times is contagious, but unfortunately society and social media assume the worst and aren't educated enough to really know what it is. Socially it may be worse for you than medically. He says so many people are infected and don't know it because like me, they haven't had an outbreak... So this is where I'm going... When you noticed your actual first herpes outbreak, what was your experience like? As a woman, what should/could I expect?
  14. 30, divorced mommy of two. Recently diagnosed with HSV 1&2 living in Michigan inside the Metro Detroit area. Would love to have someone to talk to either fe/male. It would be nice to share some experiences and get and give insight. :-h
  15. @lelani and @Adrial, Thank you both. Its nice to find a forum that's actually positive rather than one that has so much negativity that I could see why so many people with the virus feel hopeless. Everyone on here seems great and the discussions are interesting and things were all going through or have. I love it here. Thanks for having me. :-bd
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