Getting diagnosed with HSV2 is the most challenging thing thats ever happened in my life, and I've had an 'interesting' life.
I have known since 28th July this year (so 4 weeks) and have just stopped feeling suicidal. I felt hopeless for the first time, powerless and wanting to 'opt out'.
It feels like an injustice, I had been celibate for 5 years and trusted the wrong person... Didnt know that I had caught HSV2 until a year into a relationship with someone else... and now my partner is dealing with the same anguish of possibly having HSV2. Its also put a major strain on us.
For me, telling my parents has been a turning point, I felt like I was falling apart crying every day and semi-functional at work until I told them... I guess you cant deny how important support is! I was so stressed and internalising so much self hatred that it didnt occur to me that my life isn't over.
My parents were RELIEVED that it was only herpes. There are worse things out there; things that can take your life and stop your body functioning. What we have is (in my fathers words) "embarassing and a nuisance". No one is queuing up to get this, and you cant help but obsess over the fact that you didnt HAVE to get this, but we are going to LIVE! We can still have kids, our bodies still function as before. We just have to take some medication to keep the nuisance under control.
Asymptomatic shedding is the scary part for me, it wouldnt be so hard to think about relationships and disclosure if not for that. But at the end of the day, people with AIDS find love and get married, and what we have cant kill anyone... point being if someone wants all of you forever they will get past an "embarassing nuisance".
So, I once read that the more you think about something, your brain forms stronger pathways to that thought. So lets focus on thinking good things about ourselves and save ourselves from insanity.
I wrote this for myself, I've been SOO depressed! I need to remind myself of three things:
1. Worse things happen to better people
2. I'm going to be okay
3. I deserve, and will have love REGARDLESS
Read them over, remind yourself xx
PS (time to pick myself up and sort myself out, depression will have you looking AWFUL)