brighteyes (previously Unh

Hey folks! Glad you enjoyed the post :). I figured I should update you on the whole online dating thing and how it's been going. Had a few great dates, but nobody I see myself with long term...which is fine, because I'm still a bit guarded over my feelings and I'm testing the waters a bit. Disclosing so publicly on a dating site has definitely helped me avoid the men just looking for a quick romp...although, there's still some guys who want to get it in with anything that breathes and still offer it up. This is alarming to me because they are also, no doubt, the guys who would continue to sleep with other women long after me and never disclose. I have gotten tons of messages from men who are just happy that there's honesty oozing out of me...brutal honesty at times. I've learned how incredibly uneducated some people are when it comes to H and I love that they ask questions and give me the opportunity to try to erase the stigma...even if it is one person at a time. Gotta start somewhere right?! Soooo, in saying that, I had an ex come back into my life a few days ago...and online dating may be a thing of the past (my profile is yours to use Jess!! Lol). We have history going back about 10years. I told him when I was first diagnosed because he was always my rock to lean on when times got tough (even when we were both seeing other people)...Our timing just never happened to be right. I thought the news would surely disgust him, and change the relationship we had let slip through our fingers time and time again. He now lives on the other side of the country :-S (of course he does lol). I get a 2am msg a few nights ago asking me to move out there so we can deal with H together, because if we're going to be together, H doesn't make a lick of difference (he says that's how much he misses me). He's an exceptional man...and I have some BIG decisions to make. Don't limit yourselves to hsv sites..why would you? As long as you're being honest with the people you date, and doing all you can to protect them, there is NOTHING wrong with dating people without h...they're grown ups, it's up to them to decide whether or not they're going to pass up wonderful you for a skin condition. I'd love to see the expression on someone's face if you looked at them in terror and disgust and said to them "ugh, you have psoriasis, I would NEVER date someone with THAT!". Foolishness!

I can relate...I'm pretty jealous of your flirty, hookin up friend too...that witch!! ;) j/k. Seriously, there is still that carefree just wanna hook up for fun girl in me, and I sometimes hate knowing that she's a thing of the past. I would think your friend would be a little more cautious about it since learning about your experience? My friends were shocked to hear the statistics, and they all tell me they'd be terrified to hook up nowadays after hearing them. I just try to remind myself that I'll end up with something that runs MUCH deeper than a random...and you will too :). Hugs!!

Prodrome are the symptoms we experience when viral shedding occurs (when we experience no symptoms, but the body is still shedding the virus and is contagious) or in the days/hours before we have an outbreak (tingle, burning sensations). Sacral ganglia is the group of nerve cells at the base of the spine where the herpes virus lays dormant...when the virus is acting up, often times we get the ache in the nerves of our legs that stem from the group of nerve endings in the spine. If you google it, it will probably be able to explain it better than I can lol. Brighteyes :)

Hey dltm, I also get pain down the backs of my legs since my first ob about 2 months ago (well 2nd ob, if you count my first cold sore that appeared 2 weeks ago). It's like a dull ache, but sometimes sharp shooting pain. I'm pretty sure it is a sign of prodrome for me....and could be the same for you. I have googled "nerve pain from herpes" and "sacral ganglia", and it seems that it is very common to have pain down the legs or in the lower back due to herpes and where it lies dormant in the nerves of the lower back. Hope that helps a little? Bright Eyes :)

So, I decided to get back into the dating game only a few days ago. I know it's silly, but I'm really worried about meeting someone the old fashioned way and THEN having to tell them about h. I guess because this is all pretty new to me, I'm not sure when the "right" time would be....or how the rejection might feel (should that even happen). How will I know if I never put myself out there? Mr Right might be right there waiting for me and I'm not giving him a chance....or Mr Wrong could be there waiting to break into a sprint as if there were a hungry grizzly bear chasing him. I'm not quite ready to take that chance yet, so, I opted for a dating site of the non h persuasion. I wondered...how am I going to do this? I decided to put it right in my profile...I have hsv. I didn't post a picture (I'm from a small city where I know a lot of people), but I did talk positively about myself and figured that I would allow them to come to me. At least it's out there and they can decide for themselves if they want to get to know me better. I used to be on the same site prior to finding out about h, and I used to get the CRAZIEST messages from every pervert and psycho that roamed the city streets. I had a picture posted and I used to get anywhere from 40-50 messages a day.....95% of which I wouldn't even bother responding to. This time was different. I got a SURPRISING amount of messages from men who were not only willing to get to know me better, but thanked me for being so honest. Do you want to guess what kind of messages I didn't get? All of the pervy, sick messages were gone. It filtered out every single guy who was just looking for a quick lay and left me with a great pool of genuinely nice guys who think H is about as big of a deal as driving to the grocery store....and who think I'm a pretty great gal for being so upfront and honest. I'll post a copy of my profile below, just to give you all a little idea of how I went about disclosing to an entire dating site LOL. Ok here's my profile (long winded...but worth the read lol). PROFILE So because I'm a no bs kinda gal...and because I hate getting people's hopes up (including my own)...I figured "what the hell", I'll just put it out there so we can avoid any future awkward conversations (this online thing is awkward enough lol). I have hsv, I'm not going to post a sob story on here in hopes of some pity party, but will gladly share if you want to hear it. I guess you can thank me in advance for being straight up...at least you know that I have integrity and that I'm not a liar (can you say the same for some of the other women you chat with on here? Most of them are probably dudes lol.) Here's the deal...for obvious reasons, I'm not looking for intimate encounters, or a fly by night type of deal. I'm also not looking to get married any time soon, but I am looking for someone who sees past a set of breasts and sees me for the awesome person I am. P.S. This takes a huge set of proverbial balls. I am a cool, attractive, educated, caring, animal loving, have a good time kind of girl. I love to laugh and act foolish. I'm super stubborn at times, but I'm also able to admit when I'm wrong. I have wicked cool friends and an amazing family. I like to keep more active and eat healthier than I once did. Here's what I am not....I am not hsv. It doesn't define nor describe me in any way, shape or form. I am also not a leper....contrary to popular belief lol. If you're still reading this....awesome lol...if you want to message, feel free. I have pics, but don't post for obvious reasons. I mean, I'm cool with the herpes thing, but I do try to leave the house every day without my neon sign and scarlet 'H' letter. Lol THE END I just started talking to this seemingly great guy. He asked about the risks and I sent him the post disclosure handout that Adrial had posted....he feels he has a higher risk of getting hit by a bus hahaha. He said "That's not so scary at all". Don't give up, love yourselves, and let others love you too. Big hugs to all!!! BrightEyes :)

Used the link to the post disclosure handout today :). It was awesome!!! I need to share the response I received with you guys.... "4% with NO condom?? 4%?!?! That's not so scary at all! I probably have a higher chance of being hit by a bus". LOL....oooookay, perfect! Anyway, thank you for these awesome handouts Adrial!!!

Oh I never said I wasn't eating chocolate!! Lol my God, I'm still human (a human who freaking LOVES chocolate!). I'm also just trying to eat healthier, exercise more and change my thought patterns to make this life change a good one. Give up chocolate...pfffffttt...you guys crack me up ;) haha

Hey haver, Look around you here in the forum, you are DEFINITELY not alone :)! First of all, you need to stop calling this an illness...it really is just a skin condition, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the better things will be ;). To me, an illness sounds like something your going to pass away from....herpes is not going to kill you, not even close. It's a way for your body to tell you when something isn't quite right in your life (poor diet, stress, you need more rest, you need to exercise more). When outbreaks creep up on you, h is telling you to start taking care of YOU. Start loving YOU. I've read just about every discussion on this forum in the past month and a half since being diagnosed and, I'm telling you, there is SO much love, support and information thanks to the wonderful gang here. We are all here to help each other, you are definitely not alone in this, and at some point we have all been feeling what you're feeling. I contemplated suicide when I found out...I cried non stop, thought my world was over. I now feel a little silly admitting that, but after reading the posts here, I know that I am not the only person who felt like that after an HSV+ diagnosis. Herpes really is an opportunity. It weeds out the people who aren't deserving of our great selves, helps us focus on the positive qualities we possess, and lets us know when we need to take better care of our bodies (AWESOME!). For instance, I am an animal lover, I'm caring, softhearted, a good cook, a great friend, and sometimes, I'm downright hilarious....wanna know one thing I'm not? I'm not herpes, it doesn't define me as a person. I said this in a previous post, and I'll say it to you...What is there to be ashamed of? None of us went out and dragged our nether regions across a herpes rug, it had to come from somewhere. Keep your chin up, read through the posts here...there are so many amazing people here and so much information available to help you sart looking at this in a positive light. Inbox if you ever need to chat! Big hugs! Brighteyes ;)

Hey Stephanie, I found this food chart that lists lysine (good) and arginine (bad) levels in food. http://herpes-coldsores.com/lysine-food-chart.htm Basically, us h'ers should be eating foods that contain more Lysine than Arginine, which enables the herpes virus to multiply. I also take the amino acid L-Lysine supplement every day, and up the dose if I feel like an ob might be coming on. Hope the chart helps :) Brighteyes

So, I'm about 5 weeks into this new life of mine since being diagnosed with h. I have started eating healthy, swimming laps an hour a day, spending time with great friends and family, and I am ready to take on the world! I cannot believe the power of positive energy. H really is life changing....I'm committed to making that life change a positive one. :) I had disclosed to my closest friends right from day one (both male and female), and I also disclosed to all of the partners I had been with since my giver and I split...all of which took the news exceptionally well. One of my best guy friend's and I have started a Wednesday night beers sort of tradition and this past week, I guess the beer flowed pretty abundantly hahaha. I had cried to him on many occasion in the beginning, but this past week he ended up back at my place after our night out. We didn't have intercourse, but we definitely fooled around. I was a little in shock. I even stopped him at first, trying to avoid any intimacy at all...he stopped me, told me he doesn't care...exhale...really!?!? Lol yesssss. We won't be starting a relationship, but it felt so nice to be touched again, and to be held all night. He made me feel sexy again, desired...like a woman. Then on Saturday night, I get a message from a recent partner I actually had to call and disclose to and he says he can't wait to hook up again! Huh?!? I asked him if he remembered that talk we had about me having h and he says "don't be foolish (along some pretty vulgar bedroom talk lol). He's really not concerned. I mean I always had an inkling that my bedroom skills weren't horrible, but I convinced myself that no one else would ever want to find out....I was DEAD wrong! I'm not ready for intercourse yet, I'm saving that for someone really great. Believe it or not my giver also contacted me recently and wanted to see me. The stress of dealing with him has brought on ob #2. It's just the very beginning (just noticed it a cpl of hours ago) and I'm trying to avoid the valcyclovir by upping my l lysine supplements. Think that might do it? I love that my h even tells me who I should and shouldn't be wasting my time on....best a$$hole filter EVER! ;) Oh H, thank you for getting rid of that idiot magnet I've had jammed up my butt for years!! Lol

This is so great!! Thank you so much for the info! Keep up the great work!! :)

I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I want to wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug around! I honestly know EXACTLY how you are feeling...but don't ever for a second allow this skin irritation (and that's what it is) dictate your life and define who you are. Herpes is NOT who you are! Do I need to tell you again? Herpes is NOT who you are! Herpes is NOT "the real you". You are still a wonderful, caring, beautiful, nice girl who happens to have a skin irritation. You're still going to be the world to someone, even if you can't quite see it right at this very moment. I'm telling you, after reading this site pretty much from front to back, I've grown to understand that H really is an opportunity. It allows you to search deep within and helps you learn things about your body and your mind that you might never have taken the time to get to know otherwise. It forces you to take care of yourself and to take control over your own life and your emotions, it helps you to focus on YOU! It also helps you to soul search and to really discover all of the positive aspects about yourself. When you look at the big picture, herpes is so tiny in comparison. It could be sooooo much worse! Read the statistics, they always make me feel better. Look at it like this, we're lucky that we know we have this, about 80% of people who have herpes don't even know....poor buggers ;). I know it hurts right now, both physically and mentally, but keep pushing through...you'll be shocked at how resilient you are, you'll bounce back and in the end you'll come out of this a better person, I promise you. Big hugs and much love YoungOne Brighteyes

Honey, listen...you came to the right place! The H family here is like nothing I've ever experienced. So positive, supportive and accepting. I'm just very recently diagnosed with HSV 2 (I'm pretty sure) and I don't know where I would be without these guys. In the future, and hopefully you never see another outbreak again (we can all hope :)), but if you do, EPSOM SALT baths were my saving grace during my first ob. If you need any advice or just to vent, this is the place to do it! Don't ever feel disgusting because of this virus, I hate how a lot of people make it seem like you purposely went out and dragged your butt across a herpes rug or something lol, I mean, it has to come from somewhere, right?! Chin up my dear!! Brighteyes :)

Is it normal to get shooting pains down through my leg? My first ob wasn't bad at all, although I did have flu like symptoms and I felt wiped our! It has been cleared up about a week now and I've been finished my valcyclovir for about 6 days. Does the shooting leg pain mean that I should be expecting another ob soon and to start taking my meds or am I just paranoid? No tingles or anything down below, just immense leg pain. Thanks!! Brighteyes

I felt like I was reading my own words in your post. Your post is inspiring, to say the least. It's only been a couple of weeks since I found out I had H, but, it feels like a lifetime ago. Much love and support!

So, it's been two and a half weeks since I was diagnosed with herpes. I've felt everything from suicidal to homocidal (thank God my giver lives a few hours away, lol). I can honestly say, the darkness is starting to lift, hence the new name, and my attitude towards herpes is shifting...thanks to each and every one of you. You might not have posted on my story directly, but with every discussion and message of support to one another, I grow stronger. I can't thank you all enough. I still have questions, and probably always will. I've decided to make some big changes in my life, and make herpes work for me. I've let myself go a little over the years, and this is my motivation to take my body back and start taking care of me! What a wonderful feeling!!! Focusing on me again :)!!! This has brought me to my question of the day. Can I still shave my nether region if I'm not having a herpes outbreak? For the past 15 years, I've grown accustomed to being pretty bald eagle, if you catch my drift....but since my first herpes outbreak, I barely recognize the jungle that has become my vagina lol. I want to feel like myself "down there" again, I feel sexier when I'm hairless lol. I've been cleared up for about a week now (my first outbreak was SOOO mild compared to some stories I've read...I'm grateful for that), does anyone have any grooming advice? Does it bring on outbreaks or do I just have to avoid shaving during an outbreak? Thanks in advance and stay strong newbies (and veterans lol). It really does get better, but, attitude is EVERYTHING!! Much love!! Brighteyes ;)

I think disclosing made me feel like a better person....like some right could come from my feeling like I was wronged by someone I had grown to love. I think the rejection is what frightens me to most. Like how will people react to me now? Is my mojo gone forever? I can't say I'm happiest camper of the year or anything at the moment, but I'm willing to try anything to turn the depression around.

Katie, You're awesome...bottom line! Thank you for the response and for your kind words. I'm more fearful of the unexpected right now, and to be honest, emotionally, I'm ready to break. In reading other people's stories, I realize that my ob is (so far) very mild in comparison to what so many others have gone through. I have been blessed with an amazing friends and an even better mom (who would have LOVED to help in hiding that body I wrote about earlier haha). I felt like disclosure lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders, again, I was so fortunate to have been with educated, caring partners. I think thier reactions made it so much easier for me....I am TERRIFIED of future disclosures. Day at a time, trying to keep my chin up. Thanks so much Katie!! Lyns

So here goes, God, it's so hard to just come out and say it....I have herpes, I found out 4 days ago and it feels like my life will never be the same again. I literally went to bed the first night hoping I wouldn't wake up (a little dramatic, huh?). I also assured myself that I'd never make it 24 hours in jail...because if I thought that was possible, I'm sure I have some pretty amazing friends who would help me hide my givers body lol (that's a joke). It's not getting easier, I'm trying to be light, but I feel like I'm at the lowest point in my life. I'm slowly becoming a recluse. How do you get over the funk? How do I let go of the bitterness towards my 'giver'? He was my ex bf....we broke up 5 mths ago, and this is coming up now? He slept with me unprotected for over a year (I realize I have to own up to some of that), he knew for almost 2 years that he had H before telling me...he purposely waited until he knew I was in love and wasn't going anywhere. He made me feel like he was rejecting me for some reason or another for an entire year before he came clean and said that all of those times he turned me down were due to obs. I stayed, I loved him and thought we would be together forever.....we broke up, and as you know, the only "forever" I got from him was H...thanks a million dude. I had never in the 2 1/2 years we were together had any symptoms, until last week. I noticed a sharp stabbing pain up through my ladybits, by the following night I was spread eagle on my bathroom floor with a magnifying mirror and a flashlight...all class lol. I noticed 2 teeny tiny red water blisters....great...you must be effing with me. I was up at the crack of dawn the next morning sitting in my dr's parking lot an hour and a half before his office even opened. For sure he would tell me I was out of my mind, like the many times before I had put my vagina on display for him, pointing and asking "doc, wth is this"...and he would answer "it's just an ingrown hair, go home and relax, your vagina is healthy". Not this day, I broke down in tears telling him what I had seen on my little flower...and it had been magnified by 500x...and lit up with a flashlight. I knew already even before he said the words. He gave me the Rx for Valcyclovir, 3 times a day for 10 days...and Lydocaine to numb my area. Only bit of tingling she'll feel for awhile, I guess lol. I had been seeing someone new for the past cpl of months, so i called him as soon as I left the dr to break the news. He FREAKED! Not in an angry way, he's worried, he doesn't want this. At all. He wants to be friends....he doesn't want to take the risk...he's a great guy, and I can't blame him. Had I been given the choice, I can honestly say that I wouldn't want it either. So, I've told some close friends, they've been amazing. I told my giver, he completely denied responsibility (because he's a douchebag lol). And lastly I've informed anybody I've been intimate with over the past 3 years....that was a big one for me. It was nerve wracking, and I thought for sure there would be a hit put out on me, but, I guess I surround myself with great people, because not one of them shamed me, or became angry. Each told me that they were sorry this was happening to me, they didn't look at me any differently, and if I needed a shoulder, they would be there. Each one told me it took balls to let them know and they thanked me...THANKED ME!?!? You have to be sh**ting me, right? Anyway, there it is...my story...i feel better already. I'm really in need of support from people who understand. I've read so many posts here and this seems like this place is full of great people. I am so glad that I found this site :)

In Canada on the East Coast looking for someone to talk to. Just found out I have HSV2 4 days ago, and I feel like my world is falling apart. I just want to talk to someone who understands...doesn't matter if you're near or far :)