My story has no happy ending.
Let me set the premise. I was single for 10 years prior to my current relationship with my girlfriend (term is loosely). The previous relationship before that, I was with a girl who transferred me my "curse", of HSV-2. She did so with malice, and at the time I found out, found out she had cheated on me with someone else. I found out, by walking in on her doing it. Weeks later, I started having unknown symptoms I was not used to. When I had it diagnosed, my doctor at the time (a senile older man), told me I did not have Herpes, but a variant skin condition. I spent the next 10 years ashamed of myself, knowing I had something that was not curable, but in a sinking depression, knowing for a fact I would never find someone to love me for me and build with me.
That was before the love of my life found me last October. I told her about what I perceived as my condition, and I had a weight lifted. She accepted it. We had such a great love for each other, and every morning I woke up thanking God for finally sending me my love I thought was never there. This is where my brief love story ends.
..... In March, my love started having similar complications, we thought was a UTi, so after two wasted trips to Med Express, we finally decided to go to the Emergency Room. After an hour of tests and private conversations with Nurses, I walked into the room, and my love has eyes filled with tears staring at me, and I immediately thought the worse (she had ovarian cysts, so I thought it was something Cancer related). It wasn't, thank God, but the followup answer crushed my soul. She was diagnosed with Herpes, the disease I was told numerous times I did not have, but I had given her (she was not sexually active prior to me for 2 years). Even though she was in pain, she told me this was not going to change anything. She still loved me, and wanted to build with me. In a weird turn of events, my mind was at ease. The disease I didn't want to have myself, and now she has, was not going to be the rock that crushed us. It was another blessing. So I thought.
The following months since, I noticed my love becoming more and more distant with me, not as attentive to things I had ongoing, and would make excuses for seeing me and wanting me to spend the night over. I knew there was something wrong, and had no idea what it could be (we had talked about this before, and we both agreed it was not a factor in our relationship, just a hurdle we would tackle together). After months of this behavior unwavering, I finally calmly let her know how I was feeling, and was hoping our relationship could return to the level of affection and love it was when we had started dating. This...... is when my happiness would begin to die. I had not heard from her after this for over 4 days, simply receiving a text which read, "I'm overwhelmed, frustrated, and angry and I will talk when I'm ready." You have to understand, prior to this text, we had went over 10 months without a single solitary fight or squabble. I was not used to seeing her angry, especially without providing me a reason. This morning, I received my reason. She texted me and told me she had lied to me months ago, and was not okay with the predicament I had placed her in, and she was irate at me for not knowing I had this (even though I attempted to have it checked multiple times and could not have someone provide me an answer, even my medical Doctor who was my primary physician for over 25 years.) I told her I wish every day I could turn the page and prevent this from happening, and made it known to me she doesn't think she could forgive me or not look at me and be angry. She essentially told me our future, my gift, was taken away, all from something I did not want to have, was given to me in rage and vengeance, and was not given the proper treatments....... this evening, I in full circle lost the love of my life, and the one I knew in my heart of hearts I would be with the rest of my life.
We decided, to prevent multiple questions from friends, our social media accounts would stay we are still in a relationship, and we are, "taking a break," but it is more so a way to have it as an olive branch for my self esteem to not be fully crushed. This long diatribe is my way of fully acknowledging the following. This disease, has cost me more than happiness, and a chance at love. It has cost me my chance to have the life I feared I would never have. And for what? What did I do to deserve this? The love of my life hates me and cannot look at me the same way I see her? Before this relationship, I was again single for over a decade, watching couples and friends having loving relationships, while I was forced to admire from afar in my own personal prison. Yes, I know this goes against the grain and theme of this forum, but this is how I legit feel. I don't have the luxury of acceptance for someone to accept what I now have. Even if they did, I don't WANT someone other than my girlfriend to accept me. She was the one I wanted, and I lost her. I hurt her, and I have no way to make up for the pain I caused her, which was purposely passed to me.
In summation, no I am not exactly, "newly," diagnosed with Herpes. But this year, after being successfully diagnosed with it, and losing my girlfriend as a result, in my head, it is too little, too late. I will never find someone to share the connection her and I had, who loved me dearly and one time supported me fully. My one glimmer of happiness now has a permanent cloud above it, and the grey drops of rain do nothing but sheet off me.
Today, I lost the love of my life. Today, I am once again alone. Today, I acknowledge this, "curse," has won.