Elise1977

He knows you have hsv, right? Then he has accepted the risks that you could pass it to him with or without a sore. Even if you had a sore forming, it doesn't mean it transmitted, and even if it did, the chances are he'll be one of the people with no/minimal symptoms. You will not go to jail. I would talk to him and let him know. I know it sucks, but if he alrady knew you had it then he had to know this was a possibility.

The first day after my diagnosis, I was in a haze. I didn't feel anything. I went on with my life per usual. But the weekend after, when I started thinking about maybe losing the person I loved to a skin irritation, wooo boy, I sat in the dark and cried for three days. I didn't eat. I didn't leave the house. I just cried and cried until my head felt like it would explode. Then the fog lifted. Your fog will lift, too! Try to remember that you are the same person. That H will not stop you from having friends, from your family loving you, from finding someone to share your life with, if that's what you so choose. You will laugh and share intimate moments. Those things do not end just because of herpes. There are tens of millions of people in this country with HSV. You are not alone! I'm really sorry that your partner was not more understanding. He may be in a state of shock or denial himself. Or else he knew or had suspicions, and is trying to deflect guilt.

I know it is scary! But first you need to try to relax. You've got a baby to take care of, and anxiety isn't going to help you! Easier said than done, I know. I'm sure one of the site mods will post a bunch of links for you to read that will be super helpful. BUT! A few things - it is possible you've had HSV for a long time without ever showing symptoms. It's possible your ex gave it to you. Or you could have gotten it at some other point just from an unlucky incident. There is no one type of person that gets herpes. You are not alone! Something like 50 million Americans have HSV2, it's just that most don't know because it's not routinely tested for and the symptoms are often unrecognizable. You will be ok! You will not pass it to your baby through normal contact. Read through the Success Stories threads. Many of us have found people that love us despite having herpes. I know it is overwhelming right now, but it will be ok. Yes, you have herpes, just like 80% of the rest of the world! Whenever I start to feel a little down about it, I try to remember that I am lucky that thus far, I, like you, do not have any painful symptoms! Hugs to you.

I'm sorry. I am sure that was really hard. I'm with you, though, and agree that it doesn't make him a bad person. We all get to have our dealbreakers, even if others think they're ridiculous. I'm not saying this will happen in this particular situation, but I think what sometimes happens is that someone goes back to their friends and says "Bummer, I liked him/her, but s/he has herpes.", and that opens up a dialogue. I know that the minute I told my best friend I had it, she counted off a bunch of other people she knows that do, as well. It's just not something people talk about very much. I'm still trying to convince another friend who knows of my diagnosis that his cold sore is herpes (and it's on his face, whereas mine doesn't show up at all!), but he refuses to say the word.

Did you only get swabbed last time? It's definitely possible the swab was just too late.

I don't care what you think or feel, but I can't imagine why it's OK to make posts on this forum that encourage or celebrate violence against women, or anyone for that matter. You talk about women like they're some kind of disposable toy for your pleasure, and then lament your situation. Well, if you planned to be fucking around indiscriminately, you were probably going to get HSV eventually anyway.

For the record, once you get your numbers, just because you've never seen a sore before doesn't mean that it is a new infection. You can carry the virus in you for decades without ever having a sore and then one pops up out of nowhere. It's also possible that the condom breaking caused a sore/irritation and is unrelated, and your combined IGG is simply showing that you're HSV1 positive, which the majority of humans on earth are. I know it feels devastating right now, but it won't be the end of love in your life. There are so many people who either have it, or who are willing to take the risk of pursuing a relationship. Disclosure is no fun, and if my current relationship ever ends, I will not be looking forward to having to do it again, but it is what it is. You can't let it own you. You are not a different person than you were before you got your results. Don't let it make you one.

It is almost impossible that a blood test would show positive 6 days after the encounter. Was there a swab, too? I would ask for values for each.

I don't think that being afraid of contracting HSV from someone you don't know that well makes you a bad person. Those of us who have it and haven't had physical symptoms, or have minor symptoms, probably have a hard time understanding the rejection because we don't feel different, we don't feel like it's a big deal. I'm just the me I was last year, only now with a diagnosis for something I never knew I had. Everyone has dealbreakers, and I don't think a lifelong STD is an exceptionally odd one to have. Honestly, I'd rather someone reject me upfront than never feel fully free with me because they're trying to make peace with it, or constantly worried about contracting it. If my boyfriend had rejected me, even after 6 months of dating and planning for the future, I would have been heartbroken, but I would not have harbored any ill will, and I would have wanted his friendship in my life. I'm sorry that Man #4 couldn't get to a comfortable place with it. Unless he asks all of his future prospective dates to show him a recent HSV test, and they haven't had any sexual contact for four months prior to the test, there's a pretty good likelihood he'll run into someone else with it who just doesn't know. That's how my boyfriend seemed to rationalize it in his head - by the time women get into their 40s, at least 1 in 4 has HSV2 (I've seen as high as 50%!), and even higher percentage has HSV1. The chances are, if he's dating around, he's going to run into someone who has one type of HSV, either of which could end up on his genitals.

I felt the same way, too. I made a similar post last fall about being so angry that I wanted to go out and be promiscuous and hurt others, just because someone had been so careless with me. Those feelings of anger will wane as you come to terms with your diagnosis. They say that anger is a secondary emotion, which is really a reaction to how hurt you are because someone treated you so poorly and respected you so little. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, treat the underlying cause of your anger, and it will get better! I think one thing to keep in mind is that there are a lot of people here who got herpes from someone who didn't know they had it. Yes, this guy was a dick to you, but herpes isn't a punishment for trusting an asshole. You could have been in a loving relationship and gotten it, too. So, forgive yourself because you didn't do anything wrong. Herpes just happens sometimes, like a cold, or a stomach bug, it just unfortunately doesn't go away. No one looks down on people who get strep throat from making out with a stranger! We got unlucky to get the one that sticks. Take the time you need to process, but remember than millions and millions of people have herpes and go on to live happy, productive lives full of friendships, family, sex, and love.

Thanks for sharing. I know it's hard, but you did the right thing. Even if she can't forgive you, there are other women out there to love, and hopefully you've learned that disclosure upfront is the only way to show your partner love and respect. My fingers are crossed for you. When I was first diagnosed as part of routine STI testing, I was six months into a relationship. I had never had an outbreak, so I was totally shocked. I had all sorts of internal battles regarding telling/not telling - I mean, I'd never had an outbreak, I could feign ignorance if I had a sudden outbreak, or if I passed it to him and he had one. But, I knew that the man I was with was someone that I loved, respected, and wanted to have a long, committed relationship with, and not giving him the choice I wasn't given was not acceptable. I took the risk, told him, and luckily he was also willing to take the risk. Living a lie is such a horrible way to live. Disclosure isn't just something you do out of respect for the person you're disclosing to, being honest is a gift to yourself. If I was walking around with the guilt of knowing and not telling, I'm certain it would chip away at my soul.

I'm sorry. Seriously, though, if he's not willing to get tested, imagine what else he could have that he doesn't seem to care about spreading to other people. He could have given something to YOU! I know it still hurts, but I think you dodged a bullet.

Get your boyfriend tested! It isn't fair for you to be living with that level of guilt and worry. Why would you treat is as though he doesn't have it if it's documented that up to 80% of people with HSV don't even know? You say he's being wonderful and supportive, but he's letting you suffer emotionally this way? If you've been together 2 years, and were just diagnosed 5 months ago, why do you assume he isn't the one who passed it to you? Have you been typed to determine if it is HSV1 or HSV2?

If your HSV1 is 56.6, it could be HSV1 in your genitals. Did they swab?

Yeah, that could be something else entirely. He needs to go to a doctor. Have you seen the outbreak?