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lelani

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lelani last won the day on May 24 2019

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  1. Hi there, l was diagnosed in my early 50's with HSV2. Had HPV from my 20's. I know what you are talking about...has a lot of older men contact me when l was dating...juar told them they wouldn't be able to keep up with me and wished thwm well. I dated younger men, was always up front at the beginning. Yes l was turned down the odd time but most men didn't worry about it. I decided that if they did l would just move on. I didn't want smokers or unfit men...l have deal breakers too! I realised was happy single and a good relationship would be a bonus. I had fun dating but didn't meet the right o
  2. All I can say too is hang in there...it DOES get better! I was feeling the same way when I was first diagnosed and it felt like my body was at war with me. Right now you need to treat yourself like you have a good dose of the flu...take care of your body and take it a day at a time. And emotionally...what you think about expands...time to take control of your thoughts. I have been through this too...and worked really hard on changing my thoughts..and believe me, they changed my reality and my pain. Every time you think "my body is a prison" say 'my body is healing more and more every day"
  3. I love this thread...it proves there are awesome men (and women) out there who think like this. I thought like that when I had to make a decision to be with an H+ man...my current partner made the same decision with me. There are heaps of us intelligent, loving and mature souls out there who get that H is really just a skin condition that reflects our state of health :-). As for the multiple orgasm thing...I never experienced that until this year (!!!) maybe an unexpected gift from Herpes?! Well I tell myself that ;-) I was with a my husband for 28 years and never contracted his o
  4. Hi MissKR :-)...mmm sounds like the chemistry is not there from both sides. Maybe give the guy a chance...probably best to have no expectations and let things unfold. He could be a good friend if nothing else develops. I have a couple of amazing guy friends that this happened with and I am so glad I was able to develop friendships with them rather than dating them...was the same thing - great guys (and I think I am pretty ok too!) but there wasn't any spark from either side even though we tried. I disclosed to both but this wasn't the deciding factor of things not going further...
  5. Hi Eyeoneye...stop worrying...Sparkelpony is right (great advice!). You can care, just don't let that escalate into anxiety and worry. He already has HSV1 and that's how you got it...you are both in it together so just relax and share the challenges with him - he is as responsible as you to manage this in your lives. I am HSV2 + and my partner is -...I know that feeling of being concerned about transmission. But he made the choice and I respect that...I have been in the same position and that's how I contracted it. It isn't the end of the world (although initially it felt like that) a
  6. Oops....my screen wouldn't scroll up so didn't see your name Sparklepony! Well you get two endearing names today :-)
  7. I love your post chica...its the butterly effect :-) . You opened your wings and a couple of flutters has let you fly and has touched someone else...and will continue to in ways you won't even know. Yes it's paying forward...paying forward courage, honesty, compassion, truth and love. Keep being open and giving to others...its how life is meant to be lived and its only our fear that stops us. I'm sending hugs too :-) xx
  8. Hi Devastated...so good you got up the courage to post because there are SOOOO many of us who have gone through the same thing...felt the same things and have come through the other side. I got HPV (cancerous kind) from my cheating husband when I was about the same age. I then got HSV2 from a partner who I knew had it and I took the risk. So I have experienced not having a choice and having one with contracting an STI. It's hard either way, for different reasons. Firstly, even though you are feeling it, you are NOT disgusting. It's a virus like chickenpox or measles....just a s
  9. Gosh...while I was writing this I thought about if I was doing ok. In terms of herpes I am...that doesn't mean I never think about it, or that it hasn't altered my life, or that I am totally happy with that...but I am ok in spite of all that. Herpes has taken a back step in my life for something else that impacts on it way more... I had an injury to my foot over a year ago and it didn't heal....it got worse and finally tests showed I have osteoarthritis all through the big toe joints (from years of dancing in high heels). I have bones grinding together whenever I take a step. It has m
  10. Hey it's because we have been there...we know what its like and we know what it takes to learn to overcome those feelings. And being sympathetic and just going 'poor you' does nothing to help you heal or grow. I am glad you keep reading our posts...keep reading and keep practicing what we have suggested. You only get results by practically doing something...hope you are working on some of the things I talked about. Big hug..hope you are feeling a little better :-) x
  11. Hi again... am right alongside Dancer supporting you with this struggle of yours. You know the trouble with life is that yes we will get hurt, and over and over again. The other problem is we change...its inevitable and every moment we are never the person we were before. And when we are side swiped with a biggy the universe kicks us fair in the arse to change. Here's where you are struggling... " I want to change...i want to be the person i was.' Bit of a contradiction when you read it huh? You are stuck...and I know it sucks. The thing is only you can unstick yourself and
  12. Hi Ashley...WCS Dancer is right...and you know she is...you have to shut the door on this guy. I'ts great you have got some support now to do that. And yes use technology to make contact with friends again..you don't have to be close to them to make that connection. I moved away to another part of the country and its awesome to keep in contact all the time with my long term friends. I haven't made any close friendships here yet so that contact is so important. And always remember that people who tell ex's they want to be with them more than the current person they are with are j
  13. I'm sending you tons of hugs... I totally get your struggle. I done the whole on my own thing (was 8 years for me). I went for 5 and half years without even looking at another man..and that was before I got Herpes..it took me that long to heal from leaving my marriage. Now I know I am going to sound like a bloody (such good work that ;-) - I'm a kiwi) broken record and you may roll your eyes at me BUT herpes is only a trigger. It's not the cause of your feelings, your thoughts about it are. When things are going smoothly with only a few hitches in life we have no idea what fears and neg
  14. Hey we are all here to support each other and it is a privilege to be able to do that for you...I had the support when I needed it too and so appreciated it. Ok...the traits were there...there just wasn't something huge enough to expose them. If they weren't there in the first place they couldn't surface. And yes H is making you look deeper than you have ever gone before...it happens to great people. The whole thinking positive thing is like lifting weights or training for a big game, race...whatever. You have to train every day, think about it all the time and think about winning
  15. I feel for you hon...all that undeserving and unlovable crap having its grip on you. And you are being so honest with yourself...that's a painful process to go through and H throws you right in it. I don't know if you really see the truths that you are speaking... "H has in some way made me look too deep... if that makes sense...its made me realise how ive been treated and it hurts alot." "i was covering up the traits i have now...over sensitive, no self esteem..a worrier" Yes you literally were covering these things...they were already there before H only nothing in your
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