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lelani

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Everything posted by lelani

  1. Hey Jess...like Adrial says...I am a 'two for one' girl too. I got HPV 28 years from my unfaithful husband (what a way to find out aye?!) and then Herpes from a special man who I accepted had it and took the risk. I thought I had cleared the HPV years before this but it reappeared with my first episode of H! Yahoo for me! I know every emotion you will be feeling with having both. I've been through them all. Let me say the HPV is no big deal...actually any man we women are with who doesn't think they have it potentially has it and doesn't know. And those who haven't had it are the minority. So get tested...dealing with it consciously is very empowering. And don't listen to your friend...there are people who have a whole brain and choose the person over the virus _ I was one and my gorgeous man now is one. I accepted someone else and he accepted me. Having these viruses weeds out people we don't need in our lives and helps us to grow stronger and more loving. Yes your own thoughts are being mirrored back to you through others. Give up your self rejection and other will be inspired, supportive and educated. I'm sending you a huge hug Jess...its not an easy journey but so worth it. The H's can make you shine in the best possible way, with compassion, kindness, openess, courage, love and connnection. It's one step at a time and be kind to yourself along the way :-) xxxx
  2. I'm with Judith...decide whats best for you. I take suppressive medication now every day as I am with a partner. When I was on my own I didn't. Observe your body and do what feels right. :-)
  3. "Hi there...so glad you found us and can share your worries. What symptoms do you have? It really isn't the end of the world even though right now it feels like it is. I have had HSV 2 for 3 years and HPV (genital warts) for 28 years). I got both from men I was committed to. When you are diagnosed it feels awful and it takes time to deal with it....you are still the same person and this virus is just a virus. 80% of people in the world have HSV1 so you are in the majority. Most people don't know they have it and have no symptoms...you can catch it from anyone kissing you and most people have had it since childhood. I was married to someone for 25 years who had hsv 1 orally and I never caught it..and we weren't aware of the risk so didn't take precautions. You will be ok...remember you aren't alone and you can always message me if you need some support. This virus will bring up your fears so look at them, work on them and know that you are bigger than this virus :-) Big hug x"
  4. I'm so glad you shared with us here...no this virus won't be any different to anything you have already dealt with. It has its own challenges but you can overcome them, like your best friend has and learn to manage them. It won't limit your life unless you think it will. I too have an amazing man who accepts herpes as part of our relationship, he supports me and makes me feel beautiful. Telling him was really hard but the most amazing experience ever...and his response told me he was a keeper. I know you won't be looking forward to telling your boyfriend but keep in mind that you may have contracted it from him and it has just lay dormant for a while. You both mutually decided to have an open relationship so he has to accept that this is a risk for both of you, and be prepared to deal with the consequences...it could have easily been him having to tell you he has contracted something. Yes telling him will be a test of how strong your relationship is...and if it doesn't survive it then he isn't the one for you. You will be ok either way... and will continue to grow and learn because of this. You are positive and looking at it honestly and with integrity...you can't go wrong :-)...and it's ok to lurk ;-), even better coming out into the light with us :-). I wish you all the best telling your boyfriend, sending you good thoughts. Lets know how it goes?? x
  5. Awesome!! So happy to read you are happy :-) I am the same...met a gorgeous man on a regular dating site and have moved in with him and we are totally happy together. Almost two years ago I felt like I would be alone forever and was sad and lonely with this virus...I decided to get on with life and be bigger than H...and then decided I wanted to meet someone (like REALLY decided rather that hoping) and voila three months later I met him...I am happy and thankful and when I cry occasionally because I miss my carefree sex days without condoms my man tells me he loves me and it doesn't matter to him, he's just happy he found me and that minor hassle is worth it. So everyone...believe that you are bigger than this virus and that you deserve all good and abundance in the universe (that has been my mantra!). Thanks for the lovely post Angel... xx
  6. You are gorgeous :-)...I think it is why us. We are all going through this process with Herpes and I think its an opportunity to find more of who we are. It gives us the chance to shine, if we take it. Great post dilemmagirl <3
  7. Oh honey I just want to give you a big hug...and tell you you won't be alone forever and your future is as bright as you want to make, H or no H. And don't apologize for the length of it...I am so glad you shared how you are feeling. Yes reclaim your life back...and the first step is to move on from the man in your life. I think the people who love and care for you are giving you some good advice...and you are right in thinking that you don't treat someone you love like that. Don't even worry about dating right now, take that pressure of yourself. You have a gorgeous boy who needs you and you need to stay connected with him. That is your priority. And share this with someone who cares about you...you don't have to carry it alone. You will be surprised at how supportive and loving people are. By telling them this you are giving them the opportunity to be loving and caring. Your future is what you create...and such beautiful things come from when we feel broken. I have felt just like you and now I know that life is really what I make it...I decided that no matter what I would make it good. You don't need to meet anyone else right now...you need to find and love you, and love your son and give others the chance to show you love too. I will send you good thoughts every day... :-) You will be ok :-) xx
  8. Hi OP :-)! Hey stop worrying xx. Your blood test will tell you if it HSV 1 or 2. If it's 2 you its extremely unlikely you will have it in your mouth (very rare) and if it's 1 then you may not either. Just because you have it doesn't mean you will have outbreaks in your mouth (I was married to someone with oral HSV 1 for 25 years and I never got it orally or genitally - and we weren't particularly careful other than no sex with outbreaks as we didn't know we should be!). As for the shaving thing...you could have contracted it anyway. He was most probably shedding (and neither of you would know)...and that could be anywhere from his waist to his thighs. It's great you can talk to your Mom about it...she's right in that you could have scratched your skin and this would contribute to contracting it. You aren't ranting...we all have had the same questions and concerns. Like I said, stop worrying..if you have contracted it orally you may never have an outbreak, and if you do you are in the 80% who get coldsores. Sending you a big hug...you will be ok :-) x
  9. Hey girls...trust those blood tests. You are okay but just feeling scared. If you feel like you are going crazy over it then get tested again - two negatives will make you feel better. And then get on with enjoying life..like Adrial says, find things that excite and inspire you - there won't be time to be worried about Herpes or any symptoms meaning anything else. I do know how you feel...been there too - but honestly life is too short - get out there and live it :-) x
  10. Hi Carlos....just beautiful...it sooo is about our essence, our energy and our self worth.. Sending you the hugest cyber hug!!!! xx
  11. Hey girls I'm in the 'two for one' club too. I've had HPV for 28 years...I thought my body had cleared it about 12 years ago but it came back again, same place, when I had my first Herpes episode nearly two years ago. Initially I struggled with it and dating was a challenge (I avoided it like the plague!)...how do you tell someone about one let alone two?! But the reality is 80% of us have it...and like herpes, most people don't know they have it and have no symptoms. We are in the majority only we know about it. I know how lonely it feels...just know that you aren't and I am sending you big hugs across the globe. xxx
  12. Thanks for your post EricaBlue...I am glad my words reached you and kindled a spark. Such a sad situation to be living with someone and not have a connection any more, that is one of the loneliest places to be. And when you have kids I can understand staying in it if there is no outward drama. Is there no hope to rekindle the relationship? Does he know you have other partners and have herpes? Sorry about the questions but I do feel concerned for your husband if you do become intimate again and he doesn't know. And I feel concerned for you...you cannot feel good energy and happiness and have good mental or emotional health if you are not being honest with yourself or the person you live with. It's easy to blame the herpes but the isolating fog actually comes from not being authentic..and the dark time will stay dim and confusing until you do what you need to do to be honest with yourself. It is a matter of one step at a time and it is such early days for you and there will be so many conflicting emotions with what you are dealing with. But I think herpes has come into your life to help you grow, painful as it is. You really are going to be ok - be kind to yourself and live with truth...connect with all the good things in your world and know that this is your opportunity to be a light. Herpes is a gift, one we initially think was a mistake but if we unwrap it with care and look for the good in the gift we become more of who we are :-) I'm sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts hon...let go of that negativity - actually give it a good ass kick and get on with shining :-) xxx
  13. I so love our community too and this thread is awesome. Atlantic I have followed your journey too and know just where you are coming from...and your sharing opened up Pacific (love both oceans coming together here lol!). Breakups are so hard emotionally because we expect they will go on and there's a time of letting go...and working out what we want in our future. I have learned that that is a precious time for me to just be with me...put more energy into things I love doing, people I love being with and finding something new to excite me (and not a person ;-) ). I have gone through the same fears of thinking Herpes (and my HPV) is going to stop me dating and meeting someone new. The only thing that stops that is me and my thoughts - and believe me I've had them all!!! You really are just one person closer to the right one for you when you break up with someone...they just weren't the right one. It has taken alot of emotional work for me to find the right one and the funny thing is he had to do the same...just not with herpes but other stuff. He felt just as unworthy and afraid as me, felt like he would be rejected - we all have this negative stuff. So I finally met my 'one' and just yesterday he reminded me of how amazing he is. We were laughing about him snoring and he apologized for me having to deal with it, I replied that he had bit to deal with being with me so we were more than even...he asked what it was, couldn't think of what was a big deal. Tears welled up for me, I felt so loved and accepted...and when I said Herpes he replied "OMG I don't even think about it, it's not a big deal to me - I think my snoring is a way bigger deal!" I was the same with the man who I contracted it from...I knew and I thought he was worth any risk. Well, I did get it and now...after much despair of thinking I wouldn't find anyone else...we found each other at the right time for both of us. He thinks I am a gift to him and think he is a gift to me...that's the kind of person you deserve and it's worth the work and the wait for you to find each other. In the meantime trust that you will meet the right person at the right time, enjoy life along the way...and stay connected with this great community. It does feel so good to connect and I love it that we don't know each other, or have never met, but at a deep level there is a connection and wonderful support. Thanks for sharing...it helps us all on so many levels. xxx
  14. When I was first diagnosed with Herpes about 18 months ago I also already had HPV...something I had lived with for 20+ years. It flared up again after many years with the first Herpes episode.... I was an emotional mess, how could this happen again? Who would want me now? How would I ever relax enough to not worry about passing both on? When would I start feeling better (first H episode ran into the next and the next for 6 months)? How would I have the courage to date anyone and tell them I was a two for one girl...you know, the 'but wait there's more'...was it better to tell them I had HPV first or the other way around before hitting them with the second blow? Dating stoped, I threw myself into work, dance, my garden and house DIY projects, cried, talked to friends about it, read everything I could about it...and I found this forum. This had been my saving grace. I haven't been on here for a while because....I have a wonderful new relationship that has pushed me to relocate to another part of the country and start a new life. This has been my focus for the last couple of months and I am now settled in and have time to reconnect here. The emotional work the Herpes calls us to do is huge...but that's what it does and its a good thing. It offers us the opportunity to heal all our negative thoughts about ourselves (that we actually have before H but they haven't been challenged enough for us to need to deal with them). It forces us to make choices to improve our health in every area and to make changes in our lifestyle, work and relationships to feel good and feel healthy - and keep H sleeping! My original thoughts and feeling around Herpes and HPV gone from a heavy and dark and sad place (where I did alot of crying and feeling sorry for myself!)to one of thankfulness. These viruses and their impact on my life have made me so much stronger and helped find the most amazing man who accepts them in my life and loves and adores me. I never thought it was possible but now I see how I had alot of work to do on myself before I could meet the right man...and when the time was right we found each other. So if you are in that dark place, newly diagnosed, having ongoing episodes, feel isolated and hopeless....you won't always feel like you do now :-). That dark place is of our own making, from our thoughts and the negative things we tell ourselves, from the way we treat ourselves. The light comes from changing those thoughts, being authentic and opening up to others, even when (and especially when) we are afraid of rejection. It's about becoming the best we can be, on our own, so that others are inspired by us and having Herpes is insignificant compared to the wonderful person we are. Sending you all hugs and good thoughts, healing energy and promising you life is just beginning - with deeper connections with people, insights you have never had before, challenges that are part of any adventure and joys so deep they will amaze you. Keep posting on here, reach out, offer support too when you are moved to. I have missed being on here with some of the most awesome people I have made a connection with. .......And as for sex (don't' we all want to know about that one!)....its not all over ;-) The best is yet to come (lol). This 'two for one girl' is having the most amazing sex ever!!! The H's have helped me find the right man and the journey has been sooooooooo worth it :-). xxx
  15. I remember when you first posted..and when you changed your name...so wonderful to see this beautiful change. I wish you much more wonderfullness all the time :-) xxx
  16. I so know that after the breakup and dating again deal :-(. Just a thought...you don't have to date anyone if you don't want to and you don't have to disclose to anyone unless you are wanting to be sexual with them. Why not date without sex and then you don't need to disclose...you take things slower and develop friendships and there is no pressure unless someone really special comes along and you want to tell him. With new guys you meet just be yourself, Herpes is just a small part of your body, its not who you are. Take a deep breath, date and have fun...you can decide who you want to be intimate with and Herpes is a good way to slow things down and really look at the integrity and character of someone before you jump in and take it further. A big hug..I know that overwhelming feeling too...but you are bigger than H and don't let it overwhelm you :-) xx
  17. Oh Sweetie I know how you feel...those awful thoughts about rejection and being alone. The fear of that can make you things that go against your ethics and then make you feel like a bad person..then you beat yourself up over it. And I am a strong person too but having herpes has brought me to my lowest points emotionally...it has taken a lot of emotional work to start healing. And it is constant...I was diagnosed 18 months ago..had a constant OB for about 6 months...I think I cried at least half of that time! Then it stopped and without symptoms I started to feel normal again it gave me space to sort out all the stuff that came up in my head with having it. I was dating someone and had to disclose, I ended it (we are still friends and he didn't think H was such a bad deal) then I met someone else out of the blue who pursued me...disclosed again and found he had had if for 20+ yrs. That relationship ended shortly after - her hadn't go over his ex! Then I went into my dating cave for over a year and all the fears came up again about being alone forever (I covered them up with the "I'm fine and fantastically independent and don't need a man"). I threw myself into dance, art, work, friends.... and then a dance friend told me he loved me (and I had to tell him I didn't feel the same way) - he committed suicide three weeks later. I was devastated and it made me look at myself and my fears and realise that my feelings about this skin condition were stopping me from finding someone to share my life with and life was too short to waste - my friend took his life because of negative feelings. I decided I needed to get over myself and start living again, opening my heart. I did and then met an amazing man, who doesn't have Herpes, and who adores me...we are moving in together this week. I am having an OB now which sucks..but loosing my job, my daughter getting married, packing up my house to move to another part of the country had been a a lot to cope with. Now I just see the OB as an indicator I need to slow down, eat better (which you don't when so much is happening!) and find time to relax. Do I worry I will pass H to m y partner - yes a bit. But we talk about it and because I got if from someone who I knew had it I know the other side of it too and it doesn't worry me so much. Not everyone has the same symptoms as us if they contract,..some don't ever know they have it! I get OB's once in a while now and they aren't more than an annoyance. DO I regret getting Herpes? Actually now I don't...doesn't mean it's easy to deal with sometimes but it had forced me to deal with all the negative thoughts I have had about myself and reach a better place. It's made me make better choices, take things slower, really look at what I want in life and to appreciate the times I feel great. So let go of the worrying...you don't know what or who is around the corner and the best thing to do is work on you, love you and be the best person you can be - then H can't keep a grip on you, you just won't let it :-) . Sending you all a hug :-) x
  18. Honey its so great you shared on here with us....yes you will be in a better place soon. Adrial is right... you are totally accepted here and we understand what you are going through. I'm having an OB right now...18 months down the track from diagnosis...and its just an annoyance now, not the gut wrenching disaster it was for the first year. I didn't think I would ever meet anyone who would accept me and 3 months ago I met the most amazing and special man and we are moving in together next week, he doesn't have it and thinks me having it isn't as big a deal as how amazing I am. I have HPV too and he doesn't worry about that either. So hope with faith...you will feel better, life will expand and there is so much good to come :-) Sending you a big hug. xx
  19. Smiling like till I feel like I am bursting!!!! I am sooooooo proud of you effe!!!! I haven' been watching you grow and share and support with your posts...you are shining and this beautiful butterfly is emerging (she was always there, just didn't know it ;-) ). I love your last line...it IS all about making a choice - and you are finding there is so much power in that! Sending you the biggest hugs and thank you for sharing with us and allowing us to witness your journey...it really is a privilege. xxxxxxx
  20. Right honey....your last paragraph is the truth...it's your truth and you can claim it now. It's when we are broken we put things back together...there may be cracks but they heal over and there is such beauty in someone who has been broken and healed. The light catches the cracks and glitters. And actually you have already died...as soon as you wrote that last paragraph you let go of the hold Herpes has on you. The old you is falling away. Stay in touch with us...stay sober...eat well, think about how you can help others who are feeling the same way....and imagine yourself shining :-). I will be so happy the day you can tell someone...it means you are allowing others to love you...which means you are starting to love yourself too :-) xxx
  21. I'm sending you love too effemmell...and despite how you are feeling today is a happy day...you are here, you are loved and this year is going to change you in amazing ways you that right now you cannot imagine, but if you change the way you are looking at this it will. I want you to think about the gifts you can give yourself today...no one is going to give them to you until you give them to yourself. And they the most precious of gifts. 1. Acceptance - you are judging yourself more than anyone else will. 2. Compassion - for the mistake of not disclosing, we all make mistakes. 3. Integrity - live your truth and feel strong about the beauty of honesty. 4. Love - for you, for the scared little girl who just wants to be understood and accepted. I totally reinforce what Brenda and Abbey have said...and you are worth more than a skin condition. You are human and make mistakes like the rest of us. You want things to be better like we all do... And they can...its a matter of reframing your thoughts, getting support (so glad you reached out here :-) ) and having faith that Herpes will not stop you from having a wonderful relationship or great sex. I am like Brenda and have told a lot of people andI have told men who don't think it's a big deal (not easy to do admittedly but it gets easier the more loving and accepting your are of yourself). Your bodies reaction to Herpes is totally related to your thoughts and how you treat yourself...so its time to get super healthy - eat well and exercise, do things you love and only have people in your life who make you feel loved, start changing your thoughts (it takes practice but negative thoughts just bring you more negative stuff - change these and like a mirror life sends good stuff back, but it needs constant practice)..and finally stop and breathe....look at yourself in the mirror and celebrate today and the day you actively start loving yourself. You are not a leper or slut...you are someone like the rest of us who has a skin condition we beat ourselves up over. And you have the power to become a light for others...and by opening up you give them the gift of being able to love you...helping you helps them grow in love and become better people too. So feel the hugs around you from us and celebrate today...it's a beginning for you honey. I am sending you so much love and strength. xx
  22. Thanks for letting us know! I know how hard the long distance thing is...I have managed to make it work but it was only because circumstances helped. I think this one for you is a stepping stone in gaining confidence...and the building of a relationship without sex is pretty great - I have done that with this one and we are moving in together. Keep looking greenville...the right one is out there and will appear when your soul is ready :-)
  23. Thats so awesome...thanks for letting me know. I am learning with my new relationship too. We are totally committed and moving in together in a couple of weeks. He accepts my Herpes, we use condoms and I am on suppressive medication to minimise the risk of passing it on. I thought I would be paranoid about it but I am focussing on how wonderful it is and his acceptance only makes me love him more. The smooth ride for you in telling others is due to how you are accepting it...life is a mirror reflecting you back to yourself :-). I think you are doing a great job :-) x
  24. I'm with Adrial and Indie and think just go for it...see how it pans out. You have to work out how you feel about her...she's grown over this time too. It is a big thing to accept and be prepared to to work together with Herpes for a non Herpes partner (have been there and I ended up contracting it). You may not have disclosed to her in way that supported he to make the decision because of your fear of rejection/lack of knowledge/ lack of acceptance of yourself (they all impact on how you tell someone) She's needed time to work this all out...and she will have been looking at everything about you - and has decided you are worth the risk - that's pretty great! You might get hurt again...? You could do...but you could get hurt by someone else not liking your personality, your hair or any number of things about you other than the skin condition you have. It's worth the risk :-) Let us know how you get on???? x
  25. Yes it is real...and you definitely aren't alone, we are all going through the same thing. Why do you not think it is real? It's a great site with awesome people who are supportive and positive. :-)
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