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Love your post butterfly...thank you so much :-) I won't rewrite your quote again but I loved it too, I'm glad Cedar highlighted it. I've grown a lot too and I think its important we post the good stuff about having H. Janice :-)

It's a dilemma aye butterfly...listen to others who aren't supporting you in being honest or listen to yourself and your own integrity. I think you do know the answer but its scary...and I get that, telling people about H is scary. I have been on both sides of the coin in contracting an STI...a cheating ex husband who gave me HPV and an honest partner who told me he had Herpes. I would rather have the honesty...and I would rather be honest. There is always a risk...and if you don't tell you will ALWAYS have a dark secret that you will worry about, and you are right NO relationship is good if it is based on hiding things. Lowering the risk doesn't take it away...so don't listen to your Mum or her friend(I'm from New Zealand..either you are English or Oz or Kiwi :-)!. Listen to yourself and the question you are asking...do you want to live with honesty and integrity? It's either yes or no..and I think you do :-)

Love you Adrial...awesome resource!!!! Love the 'down under' reference... :-) Biggest hug ever for doing this! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yaaaaaaaaay!!!! I'm so happy for you M4, not only that his response was good but that you feel lighter in doing it. That's what disclosing with the right intention does...yeah it's terrifying but the weight coming off your shoulders is worth the leap! You can't control the outcome...its the letting go of that which is the hardest - we all like to control what we want to happen instead of trusting the universe to let it unfold in the right way for us. Yes take it day by day...I am doing the same and while it is all so lovely for me with an amazing vibe - it could all still change and it have nothing to do with H. Any relationship is day by day...so enjoy it that way, if it is meant to be then it will happen. And Atlantic...am so glad you are smiling. Be brave and show him what integrity you have and that you care enough to be honest. I gave my man the choice to walk away..and he didn't and thought I was amazing - if he had said no, or walked away then I knew he wasn't the one for me (even though it would have hurt...). Sending you lots of good disclosing vibes :-) . x

Hi Lifechange :-)...honey spread your wings and date across the board! For me I have liked to get it out of the way pretty quick, I just don't like having the elephant in the room. It think every situation is different and its easier to go by the 'I have to disclose now' meter...when I really feel like I really have to I just do it (sounds so easy but no it's not and I struggle with it to different degrees each time). As for waiting wasting someones time...if they are really into you then no time is ever wasted and they will appreciate why you needed to wait. If you aren't having sex with them there is no dishonesty with keeping H to yourself until you are ready to share that you have it. Glad you posted and welcome :-) !

I soooo know exactly how you are feeling - I have disclosed to men who were fun and although I cared alot I knew they wouldn't be life partners. That is nothing compared to telling someone who you don't want to loose and feel like they are perfect for you - I just had to do the same. It was really hard but I just remembered that it is all about my integrity and character...and that I just had to let go of the outcome and believe that whatever it was it would be right for me. Well...he held me and was just amazing..the next day we talked more about it and when I finished he kissed me...our first amazing kiss and it was right after my disclosure. That was a month ago and he is beautiful and we both are feeling like we are each other's 'one'. We haven't had sex yet (because of distance too) but we have talked about the most intimate and private things with each other and know that we are becoming close friends. H has helped me take it slowly and it really is lovely...I know, because of H, that this man thinks I am really amazing. We are spending a week together in a few days so now I am nervous about getting naked again (it's been a while lol)...and that's nothing to to with H! Trust your integrity...trust the universe to bring you what you need and what is good for you. You are right, if he truly loves you he will work it through with you. If not then you will have stopped further heartache down the track. As for not telling him earlier...don't feel guilty about that..you can tell anyone whenever you like. You haven't had sex with him but it's moving that way so now is the right time :-) Sending you lots of good disclosing thoughts...let us know how you get on??? Big hug. xx

I am sending you the hugest hug Tiff...we have come so far over this time and I remember how sad you were (and I know that feeling) at the beginning. Your post is so inspiring for others...I love it how we can give back. Much love to you too honey. xx

Sweetie STOP beating yourself up..there is no reason to. You did nothing wrong and yes it is a small skin condition that happens to flare up sometimes. Everyone here has it and we are all pretty awesome...join the club of H awesomeness ;-)! It really is going to be ok...keep in touch on here so we can be there for you. I consciously chose to be with a man who had H because I loved him and I had HPV (from a cheating ex husband) so who was I to judge or reject him? We aren't together now and I don't regret my time with him. It has been a process for me to get back to a good place but I have learned is it is all in the thoughts you choose..so give up the blame and being unkind to yourself..and instead start working on being the best you can be so you shine brighter than H :-). You can message me to if you need to as well...:-) x

It's always uplifting to witness someone's authenticity readergurl and your posts made me smile, and understand and I totally appreciate your honesty :-) x

Yayyyyyyyyyyy! You soooo deserve it Kath and I am so excited for you! I am in the same boat right now and its really lovely, with a new man who is fine with it and sweet. Enjoy every minute!!! xx

You are so welcome honey...I am glad you feel better. It's all about reframing the negative things we tell ourselves..it's and art and a discipline. And it's always lovely to see someone practising it too, when I KNOW it isn't easy! But it's worth it...I kind of think would I rather feel good than shitty...and if I want to feel good then I have to start planting good thoughts - simple as that :-). You are right, its never too late to make changes and stay positive and you will feel and be positive...and when you need a boost or a kick to get there come on here and there is always someone to help you get on track :-). I feel really lucky to have found this site because there has been times when I needed support...and its such a privilege to give that to someone else when they need it. Big hug..you are gorgeous. x

Hi Butterfly... hey you aren't being OTT, there's more than H out there and I am like you, will always use condoms unless with a long term relationship we make the decision not to. As for loosing someone or make a relationship complicated by using condoms...I think there are more things that can do that than a rubber. If you lost someone over that then best they go... and complicated?...only if you think it is :-). I loved reading your post...so positive (and I know it's not always easy) and authentic. Thanks for posting... yeah in so many ways H can be a blessing in disguise in terms of discovering who you are and growing in character...awesome that you are getting it too. x

Hey Billings...I'm with Adrial on this too - get out there and enjoy life now :-). Funnily enough I haven't bothered to even look...and only just realised it when I read your post. (how many is 'lots'? ;-) ). I'm not worrying about a cure... like Adrial says, I am discovering I shine brighter than H. It hasn't been easy but the journey has been an emotional adventure and I am learning all the time! Glad you posted...it made me think. :-) x

Hey I'm glad you found us :-) and I love how Adrial (gorgeous guy!) drew all that thought and emotion out of you ...is a privilege to read it and I get it. It all makes sense. A huge hug for you Readergurl..you have helped us too. xx

I have dated both...and I do get how you feel butterfly. But I am getting better with it...I hardly have symptoms now and know its not a big deal on a day to day basis to have it. It would have more impact on a sexual relationship if someone had asthma, eczema or repeated colds! I am in a new relationship with someone who doesn't have H and we have had the talk..have kissed but no sex yet. Next week I am staying with him and it's built up to where i know it will happen. I am on suppressive medication and he knows the risk. Somehow it feels right and I don't feel as worried. I don't want to limit myself....and as I was someone who accepted Herpes I know there are others like me who can see past H. It's all about being creative and loving, sometimes without full sex - and that is lovely. Herpes has a way of weeding out those who aren't special enough...you just have to be patient and believe the special ones are out there :-) Because they are. xx

Love you story!!! It made me smile too...and its a great inspiration for everyone to put on their 'big girl pants' (Love it!). I think you are cool as well and so glad you posted.. this place is pretty sweet aye?! ;-) And Cedar It's a great way to think of celebrating all our accomplishments with herpes...then we can get on with creating them! xx Thank you both... :-) Janice x

Love love love this article - thanks for posting Optimist!!! x

Hi MissD...don't worry honey...Adrial is right. It's so easy to freak out about it..but all you have to do is wash your hands like our mother's told us to do. And TMI on here?...no way lol. We talk about everything and our lady and man bits are what it's all about anyway - we all understand :-)! Hug and kiss your daughter as much as you like :-) xxx

Please be careful Aim...its a distance thing and... 'So he has been open with me about sleeping around but does use condoms every time except with the mother of his child.' H is not the only thing you need to be concerned about...there are other things you can contract. He sleeps around...full stop. It's not the fact its taboo or not...it is just risky. He is exposing the mother of his child to anything even if he uses condoms..and he is exposing you. The problem with distance is that there is often not a natural progression and things have to be said before you meet...especially with the sexual build up you are engaging in. If you have talked in depth about sex...you have to talk in depth about H...there is no separation. Listen to your body...its telling you something. If you feel sick about not disclosing to him then maybe you need to. You don't need to feel shame...tell him with integrity and you can't go wrong. He may reject herpes but then you will know he's not worthy of you. xx

Love this...yes there are gifts in getting H. I have had my downs and ups and have just met an amazing man who doesn't care either...thinks I am worth it and makes me feel beautiful and cherished. I haven't had sex with him yet...we are taking it slowly and it really is lovely...if I didn't have H I would never have met him. I have grown so much through contracting it. Thakns for the great posts...I am glad you all can appreciate the same gifts too :-) xx

Sending you a big hug honey. You are not disgusting and none of us here will judge you at all - there is NOTHING to judge! You were seeing him for 6 months before you 'did it'...there is nothing bad about that...perfectly normal and responsible. Only thing is you caught the same virus we all have. You will feel up and down for a while and hopefully your body will suss this virus out and settle down asap. Eat well, try and control feeling stressed about anything, exercise, do things you love and be with people who are good for you. You will feel better in the future...just be kind to yourself. I'm sending you lots of healing energy and hope I will see you again on here. We are all here to help you, so fire away with any questions, have a rant, ask for a hug (I'll send you heaps!!!) or just let us know how you are doing. Yep chin up YoungOne...it gets better and there are some gifts that come from having H - just read through the posts and see. Janice xxx ...and I have to say brighteyes, your comment about dragging our butt across the herpes rug made me LMAO! :))

Hi Hannah...sending a huge hug and yes today is a new day :-). I know how your emotions will be all over the place right now (I so remember it!) And I had the bag of H gifts too....and for a few months after diagnosis. It's not easy having all four, it's like your body has been taken over aye?!!! But it does get better and I haven't had the thrush or BV since I stopped having the continuous first episode (mostly symptom free now - apart from the odd small episode - for the last 10 months!). Your body just takes time to adjust...the HPV settled down too (it recurred after 26 years with my first episode!). So just nurture yourself while everything settles down and know it definitely does get better! As for the new boyfriend...let him run. H is great for weeding out the unsuitables. He is just as likely to have given it to you and the fact he hasn't considered that and helped support you going through this - well what can I say? H is like an insurance policy to get the best person...anyone who freaks out and disappears isn't the best person for you. You will meet people who don't...I was one, it's how I got herpes (HPV was from a cheating husband). And I have met many men who don't - have just met a special one recently and its all going beautifully. Good girl for ditching the pity party (although we all go there from time to time ;-) ). Life is too short to waste on feeling sad...there is so much to do and see and people to meet. Get out there and do things you love with people you love and the H's will seem less important. You are the same gorgeous person with or without H's!!! :-) xx

Yaaaaayyyyyyyy! Very cool you are so happy, thanks for updating us :-) x

Hey honey...awesome you are being so supportive, fearless and responsible...and that you see him past this virus. I was like you and chose to be with a guy who had HSV2, that's how I got it. I didn't have my first episode until we had been apart for 6 months. We had some unprotected sex but he hadn't had an episode for years either. As my ex husband had coldsores and in 28 years together I never contracted it orally or on my lady bits I thought my immune system was pretty good and I probably wouldn't contract the HSV2. But I did and while it has been really difficult at times, it has also been amazing and now I have an amazing man who is accepting my H too...it is all the sweeter as I KNOW he REALLY likes me :-). As for getting tested, I would. You may already have it and not know (if you have had previous partner/s) and also I would get tested in 6 months. It just means if you have it then neither of you have to worry about it anymore as you are in the same boat...and if your sexual relationship ends get tested again so you fully know your sexual health status. You are awesome froggygurl - enjoy your man :-) x

I love your story Optimist...my first disclosure was exactly the same! I cried a lot (well it was the day of my diagnosis!) too and he just said..."Oh god I thought it was something bigger than that!". I needed time to come to terms with it so we decided to be friends and now he is one of my bestest friends. I just disclosed again to someone VERY special and he was amazing too. Yeah I get it out in the open so I don't have to dragg it out. I'm with you..just Doooo it!!! :-) x