lelani

You are so still you:-)!!!! I laughed at the mirror being strapped to your hand - oh god I remember those early days lol (not funny at the time but ya gotta laugh - I still do hog that mirror occasionally to confirm the 'is or isn't it?' feeling!). Keep dancing..I do too! It's joyful and fun and sexy and H doesn't feature in it! Take it slow with this guy and you will know when the time is right to tell him. I just told someone very special and he'e into me anyway - and we are taking it slow too - and it's lovely. Live life in a big way and H will only be a little part of it :-). Thanks for the post domh - sending a huge hug :-) xx

Hey I am glad you have a little smile tauruslady :-) Adrial is right (so love you :-) ) life is a risk and it is about choosing aliveness...the 'what if I contract it' of those guys is actually a 'I'm not sure about this anyway' and best have that out there earlier than later (believe me later is worse - at least H brings it out before you have gone way down the track and invested heaps into the relationship). The rejections just make the times you feel accepted and appreciate sooooo much sweeter. Would you feel less rejected if they didn't like your teeth?(believe me it happens - my beautiful daughter had that said to her once!!!). Feeling rejected feels awful and H is only one reason it happens. I have just worked on being the best I can be and then I know that it if it is only a tiny virus that sends them running then H has done me a favour. Keep smiling honey..there are guys out there who don't run, and they are worth the wait and kissing a few frogs for ;-). Bug hug. xx

Sugarplum I LOVE this..."thank you hsv for weeding out the jackasses faster than my woman's intuition" !!!! I laughed but its SOOOO true! I think I trust hsv more than myself now...it makes me go slower, his reaction tells me EVERYTHING about his integrity and compassion and if he can get past it then I KNOW I am loved for me. So keep trying...I got past it, then got it and now have someone who accepts H in me too :-).

Oh honey...I can understand how you are feeling. You are right it doesn't matter who gave it to who - if you have been sexually intimate with the guy for 6 months he could have had it first and only just had a first episode, and you got it from him and are asymptomatic. Or you already had it and didn't know and passed it to him. What matters is how he dealt with it and while you feel awful at being tossed aside - reframe it and be thankful H has got rid of him. I know you were in love with him...but this is the real man. He did a runner...that is the kind of guy he really is and H has just exposed him. You would have had more pain long term if you stayed with him. 'Being alone isn't awful if you focus on all the good things about being independent. Ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Being rejected always hurts...just don't make it worse by being ashamed or thinking you are worthless. There is NOTHING to be ashamed about and you are worthy, not just of someone elses love but your own. Take the time now to do things you love, be with people who make you feel good, eat healthy and exercise - make you into the best you you can be and then H will feel like just a small part of that, not the biggest thing. It will get better once you give up the shame and worthlessness - they are just thoughts and you can change thoughts. I am glad you posted - keep reaching out on here - its a great group of people and we all understand. H will give you some amazing times if you open up to that possibility - deeper connections with people, understanding yourself better, living with courage and loving people more. I don't think it's normal...it's better than that :-) xx

I'm sending you a big hug Nick...I know just how you feel. It does get better and this time last year I was in the same situation - diagnosed in the October too. It is a process to feel more confident, and its often one step forward and two back. I have met several men over the last year who I have disclosed to and none have rejected me. I haven't got intimate with most of them (and not because of H but I just didn't want to go there with them for other reasons) but it was great practice! I have now just met someone special and he sees past it. I contracted it from someone who disclosed to me...he was special, only it didn't work out because of circumstances (I could deal with H, just not being 'mother' to his three teenage boys who came back to live with him!). If you can get to one of the H Opportunity seminars GO! It will be the most amazing thing for you - I know from others who have been its helped them heal and grow. DrSuz is right - hang in there, reach out for support and remember H is just an annoying skin condition that you happen to have like the rest of us. Let yourself be vulnerable - there is power in that :-) Janice

Hey Brenda!! I'm so happy for you!!!! I love it that we have both been going down this path at the same time and now both have met someone. It's a whole new weird feeling for me too to have someone where it's not all about them and who I can connect with equally. I'm just going to go with it and enjoy the connection, like you I don't know where it will lead but its lovely. xx Go dimples...yes don't limit yourself to an H+ site - there ARE people who look past this virus. I was one of them and I contracted it but it is making me more discerning about who I get intimate with. It's making me take things slower and look for the sweetness and tenderness in a connection with someone. I has taken me eight years to find someone this special and only 18 months of those were with H ( I wasn't ready, then I liked my independence, couldn't find someone I liked enough - it's not only H that influences being on your own). Like Brenda I have just met someone special who accepts my H. We haven't had sex yet so that will be the next step...but he wants to take it. Online dating helps you suss someone out first and yes if you want to disclose that way to anyone its a good way to practice! Good luck and have fun!! xx

Atlantic and Brenda...I'm with you all the way. You can do it...focus on the connection, respect and understanding what it is like for who you disclose to to receive what you are saying. I cried, I couldn't get the words out right and missed some facts in my blundering...but I looked into his eyes and understood what it would be like for him at the same time - that's connection. Two days later....we are both in awe of the magical and loving time we had and I have no doubt how much I mean to him. What will happen in the future we don't know...he may be moving to Australia...so it could be a bitter sweet love if I cant follow. But for now its wonderful and sweet and has moved us beyond what we imagined. So take the risk..you can loose people for all sorts of reasons other than H. And feeling empowered with disclosing is about your intention, your empathy for who you are telling and being authentic. You can't control their response but you can appreciate and love yourself in the telling...the right person will appreciate and love you too. xx

My first date in over a year..the culmination of being brave and going online to meet someone. I was nervous about telling him about not only H but HPV as well but my intuition told me he would accept me (though I have to say the intuition was a tad shaky!). We were meeting in a city half way between where we both lived and had talked about being respectful, not having expectations and feeling thankful about a lovely connection and letting go of the outcome. Both being dancers we knew we would have an amazing time dancing and even that would have been enough...But it ended up being so much more in every way. I did the whole 'when do i tell him'...'how do i say it' freak outs beforehand and got stronger about it and I found myself switching into the 'I won't let myself get close' mode.. We were keeping in contact every way we could the week before and skyping was great...I really really liked him and tell he liked me. That fear of rejection kept popping up the more I liked him...I didn't sleep the night before I met him. I picked him up from the airport...and my heart jumped when I saw him, I knew instantly this man was amazing. And he was...we had the most awesome day exploring the city together, talking non stop and sharing a lot of really intimate stuff about ourselves - did tell him there was more for me (and he said we had a couple of days to share stuff so just when I was ready!). We danced till the wee hours and there was obviously a connection....then back at the hotel it was crunch time. I didn't expect that anything would happen in terms of intimacy because we had both said we wanted to take it slowly...but there was an attraction and I needed to tell him about me. It was really late but I couldn't go to sleep without talking about it. I practiced in my head again while he was in the shower....wasn't going to cry, was going to be factual and objective. Bah!!!! How do you do that???? I couldn't! He slipped into bed and took my hand, kissed it and thanked me for the most amazing day...Oh God now I was going to ruin it! But it was then or never so I said I needed to share the stuff I had mentioned...I couldn't get it out, took deep breaths, tried not to cry. He just held my hand tighter and told me it was ok and to take my time...Awhh lovely man :x So I told him...how I got them, what it has been like, what my fears were in telling him, what it would mean for him if he wanted to be with me. He pulled me close, kissed my forehead, told me I was amazing and just held me. We didn't have sex but that night was one of the most intimate in my life and I felt cherished and accepted. The next day we shopped in the city, talked all day, started holding hands (it was so sweet), he taught me the basics of Tai Chi by the sea - I traded him a massage for a Tai Chi body workout. We talked about EVERYTHING in our pasts and the connection was amazing. We danced til late that night and snuggled and talked until we slept...and until then hadn't even kissed (I kept avoiding it because I didn't want to get too close in case in the morning he decided he couldn't deal with H - he did notice lol and had decided to wait til I was ready). During the night things got a little heated and I couldn't cope so pulled away..he held me again (and apologised for not being sensitive!...I felt totally understood and accepted). The next morning I didn't trust myself to even touch him I was so wound up lol...I got up and showered. Once I had my clothes on I felt more in control and we had a good laugh about the things you have to do sometimes to maintain a boundary that feels right to you. Later in the morning he asked about the H's and we had another big discussion about it...and then he kissed me. It was the most amazing thing and he said we would work it out and he wanted to be with me. All the fear just slipped away...and we had the most beautiful day together talking about a possible future, taking it slow, doing it right, letting go of expectations and trusting the universe will make it a happen if we are meant to be together. I didn't have sex with this man but we made love for three days in it's purest sense and it was the sweetest experience I have ever had with a man. This is long but I wanted to tell you because I know how hard it is to disclose to someone you don't want to loose. And it's also important to know that intimacy isn't about sex...its about connection, respect and feeling understood and cherished. This man shared all those things with me and I found someone who totally accepts me. He gets asthma...and snores sometimes and we decided that my H's aren't any where near as annoying on those a daily basis lol. I accepted someone with H and that's how I got it....it is amazing to have someone do the same for me. So if you are feeling like it can never happen - it can :-) xx

I wish I could give you the biggest hug domh!!!! It really is victory...and what a journey to get there huh? You will only grow more and feel more at peace now. I know what it is like to love someone who isn't good for you...and I did it for a long time. Letting go is so freeing and wishing them well and forgiving is the most powerful thing we can do to love ourselves and heal - Go you!!!!! Keep lifting those weights and living well...and keep smiling. Love and (even more) healing Janice xx

That's awesome news everyday! Very cool of you to want to know everything about it for your girlfriend and baby. Cedar is right and there is nothing to worry about. Be open with her doctor and enjoy planning your baby together :-). It's so exciting! Thanks for posting and letting us know how you are doing :-) x

Hahaha Judith - yeah it can get cold there....at the moment its hot and the weather is beautiful. Its a national celebration day and live music throughout the city - best place for a couple of hard out dancers ;-)! As for the anti virals...I am only taking them because I want to be ready if I do get intimate with someone (no - WHEN I do ;-) ). I don't know if they are stopping me from having episodes as I have only had a couple in the last 6 months and I could directly relate them to my period (the only two I had in that time!). I don't like taking medication but I am doing it to be responsible, and it's helping me feel more confident about being with someone. Go Brenda!!!!! I'm holding you in a loving space too! I have been skyping with my new man every chance we get and we text and email too - and he is beautiful and sweet and funny. We already have a great friend connection...and both are open to more so roll on Wednesday!! We are going to be dancing to everything! - he's teaching me Argentine Tango and I'm teaching him Ceroc, and we both love clubbing so it going to be the best couple of days and nights! Try online...its actually easier if you are a bit shy. You get to suss them out and then there are a few things to talk about when you meet. I would recommend it to anyone, just don't take it seriously and have a great time meeting new guys! Gotta go...! Sending hugs to you all :-) xx

Hey you two :-) thanks so much for the support!xxxx I'm feeling giddy too Adrial...he really is a very special guy. And yes that's exactly how I see it...it doesn't have to be romantic to have a really deep connection with a guy and I am lucky enough to have that with a handful of them. With this one I am just hoping it might be more (and yes I want to be loved - makes me tearful reading that so I know I want my heart held.:-). If not I want him in my life regardless as a friend. Hi Brenda! xxx Yeah try the online thing. It's a great way of sussing someone out for a bit...I have'nt had a bad experience using a dating site, but then I am really picky (forget about H or anything like it - a fat ego, disrespect and stupidity are my dealbreakers lol!). I am pretty (nicely ) ruthless in who I actually date. As for the antivirals...I'm taking them and not worrying about it now. I have never used drugs for anything, even serious health stuff, so was a big thing for me. But I am glad I am on them for now...it's helping with dating, I'm feeling more responsible and less likely to pass it on if I get to that point with someone. You've been to NZ?! Hope you had a great time! We are meeting up in Wellington...I love it, great bars (for endless dancing lol). It is a national holiday that day so there is live music all along the waterfront! I do Ceroc and he does Argentine Tango...and both of us are all night dancers - it's going to be a blast!!! I will so let you know how it goes! :-)

Ok...I got brave again (god it's taken me a while!) and decided if I didn't want to be left on the shelf I would have to do something about it and fast...it's been over a year since my last relationship ended (ironically I disclosed and he had it too - what a find! But he hadn't got over his ex and we mutually ended it...I think ex's have more to answer for than H lol!). It's been a year of pretending to love being independent (was happily alone for 5 years prior to H, by choice) when I really would like to have someone special. Friends have found someone, got married and I was still holding back because of H. Well...after christmas I decided no more! (and thanks Brenda for that great tweak to my finding the perfect man affirmation!). Despite just having an episode right on Christmas I sucked it in and signed up on an online dating site (because I won't date colleagues, customers or dance partners -seen that get messy). I wrote a great profile and instead of sitting back waiting I picked out (god I could only find two who I liked!) I said hi and after some conversations realised neither of them were great guys but not for me. Then this guy messaged me and straight away I liked him, we are into the same work and activities, we 'get' each other and I can feel his good energy hugely (bit like us lot - actually he reminds me a lot of you Adrial ;-) ). We are in contact every day and its nice and he's lovely and we have both decided we have to meet. So I am taking a leap of faith and we are having a date next week. He lives about 6 hours away (in one of the most beautiful places in the country!) so we are meeting in the middle in my favourite city by the sea and we are going to dance (he dances too!!!!) for two days! I am going to have to disclose to him sooner than later so I am planning how to say it and when to say it (knowing it most likely won't happen that way lol). Yeah I am anxious because I have a gut feeling about this guy and I don't want to loose him...but I also know he is the kind of guy where it won't be a deal breaker (and yeah I could be wrong!). But I am going to make a wonderful connection with a really special guy and I am just letting go of the outcome (I'm saying this now but there will be doubtful moment of freaking out between now and then I'm sure!). I wanted to write this because we get so caught up in being afraid of disclosing we loose sight of possibilities and hold ourselves back. I'm not holding back this time and I'll let you know how it goes. I've got everything crossed it will got beautifully (well I hope eventually not everything ;-) )...this is a test of his character and I am sure he will pass with flying colours. I accepted someone totally with H...and now I hope someone does that with me :-). Watch this space ;-)!

Oh god I still feel the love all the way from here. I would have so loved to have been there too because I knew it would be so much bigger than H...and that you would all feel that. There is nothing more amazing than souls connecting at this kind of level and it truly is magic :-) x

I could feel the love from here :-)...I knew you would all have the most amazing weekend. Wish I could have been there...was with you in spirit (but its just not the same ;-) ). Will just have to organise one for NZ! Much love to you all. xxxxx

I am sooo excited for you!!! I can imagine the slow walk around the car ;-)...you made good use of it lol. I know that amazing feeling of being brave enough to tell and then the other person accepting it. She thinks you are pretty alright :-) and you are. Have fun and I am so glad you felt more confident from sharing with us. :-) Janice

Love this Marie...I feel like I was right there too! Yeah he likes you ;-) ALOT!

Yeah how did it go??? :-)

I felt really sad when I read this...and I can also hear the battle you have going with your integrity. Listen to it :-). There is no judgement from me either - I have just been on the receiving end of a life long STD because of an unfaithful husband so know first hand the devastation it causes. This man is not worth the risk of you getting another STD or his wife getting yours. Married partners who cheat lack integrity, honesty and loyalty. My questions would be "why do you not feel like you are worth more than that?" and "is emotional fallout of this experience worth being sexual with this man?". Honey love yourself more than this...make other choices that don't tear you up with guilt and shame. Big hug. x

Wow Brenda...just clicked into this thread and reading through it I am so happy for you!! Enjoy every minute with this guy and keep up with those affirmations (got a few I am chanting too). It is hard when you think after telling someone that they will then take off in the future, but he doesn't sound like that is going happen. What a honey! I have decided to get brave and start dating again too - lots of chatting and a couple of great connections - only they are both about 5 hours travel away from me :-(. We will see, its just nice to be out there again. My affirmation for today is: I am open to receive love from the man who is perfect for me. He sounds like he is perfect for you :-) xx

I had been sick with flu like symptoms long before my first episode too (thought it was the flu!) and during it with lesions and it was bad. I sometimes get the same flu symptoms but not so bad with an episode.

Hey honey...he's a cheater and everyone knows it, enough to warn you about him? Well let him out you...he will just dig a deeper hole for himself. And if you feel silly for not listening to people who warned you - well I've made the same mistake in my life too. We all fall in love or lust sometimes with people who aren't good for us - that's nothing to be ashamed of either, we are just learning about love and what it is and what it isn't. So if people know you have H and he was a cheater...cbk hit it on the head - people will put the pieced together and any judgement will no doubt be directed at him. And what a great opportunity to show grace and let the strength of your character to shine through. Yeah for your own peace of mind I think you need to tell him, imagine if he passed it on to someone else and you found out, and hadn't done anything about it. I once told one of my ex husband's 'other woman' that I had contracted HPV from him through another 'other' woman (I knew he wouldn't tell her - cheaters are like that ;-) ). It was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life and one of the most empowering (she asked to meet me years later and thanked me for being honest and gracious). So in telling your ex, its not all about him or the issue of passing it on...its about growing in your own strength and grace. Sayyywhatt is right you will feel better :-). Good luck and yeah I'm here for you too. x

Have fun!! Lets know how the date goes - enjoy every minute and flirt for all of us ;-)! x

I love this post...you are truly awesome sassynatty :-)! I saw it as a blessing in disguise once I got over the initial freak out too. Doesn't mean there aren't sad times and challenges with it but there are gifts with it too. I see it as being able to educate people as well (there is soooooo much misinformation about it out there - and from the medical profession too!). So glad you found us, I am looking forward to checking in and catching up with you :-) x

That's everyone's fear...mine too, and sometimes it surfaces. But I was on my own for about 5 years without H, by choice (was married for 25yrs so the independence was awesome!). I worried sometimes then if I would always be alone. Since then I have met some lovely men - just not the right one for me. I've had the 'talk' numerous times and don't make a secret of it with my friends and family - I decided being judged is all about the other person and all I needed to do was be honest, kind and live my truth - their reaction is how I decide if i want them in my life. I haven't been rejected because of H...and I have felt so much better just living honestly with myself. I don't find the talk easy, but its a discussion everyone should have if they are going to get intimate with someone, H or not (and really unless someone has been tested they don't even know if they have it or not!). So honey give up the shame, it's not good for you - so many amazing people have H through no fault of their own, unless you can be blamed for loving someone or wanting to be close. Are we all less amazing...NO! We get the chance to be more amazing and showing others how strong and compassionate we are, moreso if we react that way when others judge us. I have cried when I have talked about it, laughed, had long pauses of silence to find the words, been ok about it, felt like I didn't have enough information to tell someone....there is no right way to think or talk or act - just be you. H really is an opportunity to learn about yourself and others and to really experience who you are deep down. It's not easy at times, at times its amazing...yes you may be rejected but you get stronger and more confident in dealing with it. And yes you will find love...and because of H it will be more honest and you will know that you are truly loved. xx