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DrSuz

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Everything posted by DrSuz

  1. Hi Lelani and whiteshadow, Nice to see you both here. This is such fabulous, awesome, uplifting news!! Thrilled that you are happy, Lelani and have met a worthwhile fellow, and overjoyed to hear how you have taken charge of this little H situation and turned a positive leaf. Your dedication to staying in a self-caring mode is totally inspirational. Wooohooooo! I really needed to hear this success story today. :-) All the best and do keep us posted!
  2. Hi cupcake! It sounds like H has gotten you to reflect on what's important and what really matters to you in your life and relationships. That is awesome!! I have had moments of feeling like H is a punishment that restricts my freedom, but I am coming to realize that it is a total blessing for me. It requires me to take good care of myself and look at the big picture about who I am and who I want to spend my time with. This feels like great freedom to me at thus point!! Blessings on your path, S
  3. So glad I stopped in today! Feels good to be here. :-) I am in a similar boat, Ajmj! I recently ended an 8 year relationship where H was a total non-issue. My partner didn't even blink years ago when I told him and we were able to giggle somehow about it. He just had that kind of sense of humor. We also decided at some point we were okay without barriers and latex. Overall he was an awesome one on this. Now that I am moving back into dating I am having some anxiety about The Talk. There is a man I've been flirting with for months and we happen to live far away from each other. I recently just saw him and was internally pressuring myself to have the talk. It did not happen. I started and totally froze up. After a bizarre silence he just grabbed me lovingly for a big hug and said, "it's okay. We don't have to do anything. This is perfect." My body relaxed. We still had a lovely and very sensual time together, and it stayed within very clear safe parameters. What I realized from this experience for me is that I often get ahead of myself instead of staying with myself in relationships. The truth is, for many reasons, I am not ready to really start a sexual relationship right now with him or anyone. I knew that I was having inner conflict about getting the words out. It was too soon. And I have done a good job since in not beating myself up. I'm sure in the past I would've tortured myself for not having the talk. The way it played out was good. I am also working on my own headspace and another level of making peace with H. I still have moments of feeling like it is bigger than I am. And that's not a great space to communicate from. It sounds like you are doing everything right, Ajmj! Sharing the H info and discussing the possibilities for how to proceed in your relationship path with this guy will tell you a lot about him AND YOU! It's also great (as I just learned) to trust the timing and natural flow for disclosing. You will do great! Deep breaths! Be nice to yourself! You will be able to relax and set your mind at ease to share this when the time is right. And his response/ reaction does not change who you are or the connection you have with him. It might change the path that you take together, but not who you are or the possibility for you to have EVERYTHING your heart desires. With or without this particular guy. He is not the answer to your happiness or fulfillment. We are the ones who give that to ourselves. Wishing you an easy, blessed time of disclosure where you remember how wonderful, worthy and special you are and know that you deserve nothing less than someone who honors, adores and cherishes you exactly as you are! Woohoo!! Let us know how it goes!! Peace, Suzanne
  4. Awesome to hear your two cents, Adrial. And great for you to reach out, Bobby. If there's one thing I have learned with disclosing: people's reactions have to do with them, not me. If I am in a good space, knowing who I am and having perspective on this whole H thing, it doesn't matter how anyone reacts. Keep surrounding yourself with positive people and reminding yourself that you have so many wonderful qualities to offer this world. There is so much support and love in this world. Let it in. You deserve it too!!
  5. I am giggling at the great lighthearted humor here. Really good to remember to laugh and lighten up. Thanks to sugarplumfairy and the superwoman for that. (hey are you two from the same planet or neighborhood?!?) I love the VERY IMPORTANT reminder that having the talk while all of the blood has rushed to the erectile tissues is not a good idea. In many ways this pre-sex screening is really more for us so we can be sure this is someone with whom we can share ourselves intimately. If we can't talk about this openly, do we really want them up in our business? Happy disclosing, superwoman!!! Thanks for sharing your great input here.
  6. Wow, NC! You must have a very strong spirit! I have faith in you and your ability to transform this painful experience into one that makes you stronger and more self-honoring. I am sorry to hear about how things went down with you and your partner. Someone needs to be stuck in a ton of pain to act in such a way as you partner did. Ouch for everyone involved. I know you will know what is right for you to do, and I won't pretend I can give advice on this. I can tell you from my experience that staying with a partner just because you both have H (and you don't want to have to reveal this to strangers) is really not enough to go on! It is such a tiny part of who you are. And it sounds like you are a very kind, thoughtful, loving human being who deserves to be treated with a lot of care and compassion. Wishing you all the best. Keep us posted! Aloha, S
  7. Way to go, Lelani. You deserve a beloved and to dance and play in your natural joyful self. Enjoy the moments together and remember how awesomely lovable you are. (I am making up words again!! ) :-)
  8. Hey Nick, Hang in there!!! This is only one small piece of the awesome person that you are. Keep reaching out and getting support.... Sending good vibes your way...
  9. Congrats on scoring an awesome man who loves you for who you are. :-) You will not have this pain forever. I think lube is a great idea since he is well-endowed! Cannot go wrong with lube as long as you are not allergic. And for sure have him be super gentle and work your way back into higher intensity action! You will be able to have all the pleasure and connection as before... Who knows? Maybe even more!
  10. Just saw a naturopathic doctor today and she recommends St. John's Wort (herb) as a tincture as well as monolaurin AKA lauricidin which is a supplement derived from coconut in pill form. Don't know how you feel about supplementing with natural substances instead of pharmaceuticals... You can check it out with your doc if you are concerned. You can also talk to your body (sounds weird I know) and tell it that it is super smart and healing itself... Or just say "thank you and I love you" to your body. Bodies love that!!! Hang in there!!!
  11. Can't wait to meet you all one day!!! The good vibes move through the computer screen!! Thanks for sharing your experiences here and being a welcoming, focused on the positive, crew! Catch you on the forum. Aloha!
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