honey_badger

Umm k. They feel less painful than I would think hsv2 would feel but my friend came over and took a pic for me and they look like herpes.

Thank you, M! Whatever it is, I think I burnt it with tea tree oil. So now the sores feel more painful. Without the oil, I'd say the pain would make me think herpes, but I seriously went crazy w the tto, slathered it on with just a little coconut oil, maybe 50%. Out of frustration. My friend who has hsv2 tells me these are nothing like her sores, but they do seem similar in size and shape to my hsv1 sores. Looking online, tho, the pics look consistent with what I have. I just wish I could really see them. The only thing that makes me think maybe not is that it really doesn't hurt much at all. My fingers are crossed but I'm pretty sure it is what it is. Has anyone had a second outbreak months later worst than the first? I feel like this has gotta be hsv2 now.

First of all, I have had ghsv-1 for almost a year now. I had an initial outbreak of just a few sores, maybe four or five. And after that I think I had one sore on another occasion, but it was very mild, wasn't even sure. But the last three mornings I've woken up with this strange symptom which is that even though I've gone to bed fresh and showered, I woke up with this weird wet feeling between my butt cheeks and have felt increasingly kind of diaper rashed. The area was/is irritated and uncomfortable, like a heat rash. Last night I made a real point of bathing and drying and airing out, slept in the buff, and same thing, but this morning seemed to have sores! There were probably at least 6 or 8. I couldn't really see them in the mirror, which is so frustrating because I think I'd recognize what a classic herpes sore looks like. Anyhow, I'm worried that it's an initial hsv-2, since its at least as bad if not worse seeming than my hsv-1 initial OB. But of course I'm hoping its some kind of diaper rash kinda situation. Has anyone experiencing this weird wet morning phenomena that I'm talking about? I can't recall ever having it before. But I do feel like i might have had some kind of similar rash just from working out and being sweaty. I'm hoping whatever this wet is has caused my rash rather than having herpes sores that caused the wet. How long does it take the sores to get crusty? I feel like w my first outbreak it was only about a day but can't really remember. I'm hoping that if these are gone or at least not acting like herpes tomorrow, I'll be able to relax about this. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? I'd love to hear opinions.

Alright, so, it sounds to me like my partners face a bigger risk in receiving oral from me than they do in having intercourse. My impulse is to always tell, but it's hard for me to see why exactly. It looks like the risk w me is slightly higher but nowhere near double that of receiving oral from some random person, assuming that a sexual encounter includes oral and intercourse. I actually know that I'm not one of those 80% who have hsv2 but don't know it. So if you add that in, it may turn out that I'm safer. In the end I think I will always tell just because I would feel like I was lying if I didn't. Plus, I kind of think this episode in my life is an important one, part of my growing as a person and learning how to navigate relationships and single life. I would want to share that with a partner. Another reason to tell is that I have made a point of fighting against injustice in my career, and this feels so unjust to me. Until now I thought I was only concerned with injustice originating with the government, but this sure makes me ask why! It feels an awful lot like losing rights and privileges for no good reason and for something I should not have to pay for. So, I applaud those who stand up and say they have herpes as a way of eroding the stigma. And I'd also like to support others who have it. The other day I met a mom at my kids' school, didn't even know her name yet when I told her I'd just been Dx'd with herpes and guess what!!! She told me she had it too!!! That was awesome and normalizing and Id like to be able to do that for someone else. It made me feel so much better that day. But obviously I'm having some trouble coming to terms with telling.

I know, that was really douchey.

Yes! It was and it felt good to see it! I find myself often feeling very thankful that he ended things. So amazing considering how devastated I was.

with mixed results. But mostly I'd say I'm pleased with how it's been going, more or less. My first disclosure was to my best friend who just happened to have her first outbreak a month before me. That was handy! And in fact I think it was a lot easier for me to get through that initial shock because I went through it with her first. Second disclosure happened completely by mistake when I mistakenly texted a guy I was just starting to get involved with a text that was meant for my friend. Gah! It was a horrible feeling as soon as I hit send. :( And I really didn't even know yet if it was herpes. And it was especially awful because I liked him so much. :( We had only met once but had spent countless hours over a couple of weeks texting. The night we spent together was so romantic and sweet, dinner and drinks, walk on the beach, stayed up all night making out like teenagers. No sex, thank god. So for the first few hours after the dreaded text he was ok, but increasingly distant. Then he said instead of going through with our plans for a real date, maybe we should just do lunch. Then cancelled lunch. Then texted "I don't know what I do want, but I know I don't want this. I'll have to take a pass." :( Those were his exact words. I thought that was an insanely cold thing to say and do and I told him I thought there was no humanity in that at all. I can't even believe I liked him as much as I did. I am now stuck between missing him and feeling thankful that I didn't get involved with someone who could be that way. Second guy I told was also someone I was just starting to get involved with. lol I was having a busy week, I guess. This one had decided from the minute he laid eyes on me that he was in love or something... I had also spent a night with him, making out like teenagers, no sex, thank god. lol I wasn't as excited about him. There were things I really liked about him, but also things that made me nervous. But we had a date planned and I decided after the dx to just go ahead and see how he reacted. He was *great* about the herpes! So weird. It was actually the night that I was dx'd and it was so nice to have him be attentive and sweet. But he was super overbearing and wanted me to report every move I made to him. It was kind of impossible. So, that had to end... lol Then there was the guy I thought maybe I had gotten it from, and if I didn't get it from him, then I was afraid he might have gotten it from me because I was with him about 2 1/2 days before I saw the first sore, but I was a little scared that the sore had been there for a while before I saw it. So I really wanted him to know what was going on but I didn't want to text it to him. I invited him over bc my kids were home (asked him over for after they were asleep) and I felt really bad bc I know he was expecting a much funner time than was possible given the active outbreak and all. So I told him and he looked freaking devastated. Like, completely freaked. I felt so bad. I was pretty sure he wasn't sleeping with anyone else. I shoulda just not told him, I think. Gah! So we talked for a couple of hours which I found to be pretty difficult just because he was so sad and scared about it. But then we had a really sweet night together just cuddling. It was kinda what I needed. When he left everything was good, nice goodbye... And then I texted him two days later and he was PISSED. I asked him what exactly he thought I had done wrong and he didn't answer me. The meat of his problem with me seems to be that because I'm 15 years older than him I should have been taking care of him better. If things are over between us (and that was just yesterday so who knows) I'm bummed if that's the way it ended. I really liked him. Definitely more of a FWB thing than a full blown romance, but I thought he was a really good guy. And then tonight I disclosed by text to someone I haven't met yet. He's been visiting my profile at okcupid for *months* and I was really feeling like we were kinda meant for each other from his profile. He reminds me so much of the two men in my life from years ago who are the ones I'm really sad to have let get away. He first contacted me after my dx, so just like 4 or 5 days ago. In our first text convo, we realized that he knew someone that I had worked for and spent a lot of time with 20 years ago who is my personal hero and he felt the same way about him. And there are very few people who would say that about this guy. He's in his 90's now and probably not on anybody's radar. So we have this weird shit in common that feels really cool. But he lives two hours away. And I know that when we meet it's not gonna be a dinner date, it's gonna be like a weekend. And if there was no herpes in the air that would involve sex. So I've been debating and debating about whether to wait till we've met to disclose, but tonight I just blurted it out. And he was awesome about it! It's really nice, too, because he's an MD and he obviously knows something about it and whether or not he does, I have disclosed and rather than feel like I have some responsibility to educate him on it, I feel like he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself in regards to this thing. What a freaking relief!!! So mixed. But it does make me feel like I'm still in the game!

I have both genital and oral hsv1. I've definitely had oral since 1989. I may also have had genital since then but was only dx'd last week. I'm wondering how much more of a threat there is from genital v. oral to a partner if in any given sexual encounter there is always (just for argument's sake) oral and vaginal sex involved. In other words, how much more of a risk am I with both than if I only had oral?

I don't have any experience with it bc I was just diagnosed a week ago today, but I have worried a little bit about feeling stuck. I had a guy that I was just starting to get involved with right before my outbreak professing his love to me after like two dates and then when I was dx'd I almost immediately thought maybe I should stick with him even though I wasn't entirely feeling it. The feeling scared me. I don't want to settle because herpes makes it feel all that much harder to find something great. I am scared of it, but I also feel like in time this will be a new normal and I won't feel like it's a big consideration in terms of relationship decisions and such. I hope.

Except for that part about the herpes, it all sounds good! I'm not sure how your story differs from any of us having sex with genital herpes.

You do deserve to relax and enjoy life. I have a couple of male friends that have extraordinary herpes fears. I tell them -- and this was before finding out I had genital herpes and I stand by it even after -- when I'm 80 I'm not going go feel like my life was some kinda great success if I avoided herpes but never got laid. I am probably in the shittiest part of this thing right now. Having my first outbreak, making my first disclosures, coming to terms a bit, but it's not making me regret the fun I've had. And I'm already figuring out how to keep having fun.

Ummm, I think you're really being paranoid. There's a one percent chance she's got oral hsv2 and if she does, the rate of shedding with no sore is only 1 percent of the time and transmittion would be even lower than that. The odds of you having gotten it from that encounter seem astronomically low to me. It's interesting to me tho that you'd be focused on her boyfriend that you don't know very well. What about all the previous boyfriends that you don't know at all? I don't want to feed your paranoia but it just seems like your focus is a little off there.

Thanks you guys. I'm not feeling obsessed or too worried. I just wanna understand what happend, if possible. Part of why I'm wondering is that I'm realizing that I have felt this way now and then over the years, tho not quite as bad. But I get it, that I'll never know. I kinda don't think a person in my position is ever done dealing with what happened to me. I am in a better place w it now than a year ago and I'm sure I'll be better off in another. But it was 25 years that ended in a huge betrayal. We have children, so I have to deal with him constantly, and he's not a nice person. One interesting reaction I had... Even before I thought the virus might be from him, I felt angry at him bc I'm supposed to be married and not dealing with this kind of crap. But then I thought my anger at that moment was mellower than I would have expected. And I realized its because if I had the choice between being where I was when my marriage was good and where I am now, herpes and all, Id rather be here.

You said there is no telling and maybe that's your answer to my Q? By that do you mean that you think I can be infected by two different exposures 25 hrs apart? Because I was under the impression that that was at least unlikely if not impossible.

You're reading this all wrong. My initial oral outbreak in 1989 was most definitely caused by his cold sore. He had always had them. I had never had one. The doctor said what I had then was a classic first outbreak. When I got this genital outbreak I assumed it was from someone else. It would make sense bc I have been w several people. But if it's hsv1, then it seems like it's actually unlikely it's from the new guys bc I woulda been building up antibodies all these years. Seems like it was lying dormant all these years. And OF COURSE it's my feelings for my ex that make my blood boil. That's the point. For all the good times we had, it's silly that Id be mad at him but no issue w the other guys. Clearly it's bc he left me for another woman a year ago not bc he kissed me while he had a cold sore 25 years ago that I'm pissed. Truthfully it doesn't make any sense to be angry at someone for passing the virus to you unless they did it knowingly. I put no new I formation information in this post. I'm at a loss for how misunderstood my first post was. Sorry.

I was married for 25 hrs up until a year ago and, as far as I know, neither of us was with anyone else the whole time. Right when we first got together he had a cold sore and I had a bad hsv1 oral outbreak and went to the doctor who was impressed by the severity. It was all over my cheeks and around my mouth and chin. Had to have been my first exposure I think. After that I never had an issue until last weekend, when I got three genital sores. I assumed, after some reading, that it had to be hsv2 and I wasn't too surprised because I d been a little out of control since the break up. But then monday went to doc, had it cultured, and yesterday results said its hsv1! In all these years I never had any symptoms that made me think herpes. But now I'm wondering g if it was because that was so outside the realm of possibility for me. I was in a mono relationship and didn't perceive any likelihood of it. But looking back and with the knowledge now of what it feels like, I think it's possible that Ive had milder outbreaks over the years. Not sure why Id have a worse one now, though? What do you guys think? Is it possible that this is from a new exposure? Is it more likely it's been lying dormant since 1989 or that I just wasn't recognizing the minor symptoms? It's kinda funny bc when I thought it was hsv2 from someone recent, I felt like it was a bummer but all in good fun. I. Didn't feel any reason to be mad or resentful. But the idea that it's from my ex, father of my babies, man I loved all those years, makes my blood boil. Go figure!