TO

Friends, It can be done, and it works. Though I was horrified at the prospect of my initial foray into disclosing, the results certainly speak for themselves. Since it was my first time, I couldn't help but to get emotional, as I had no idea what the ride would entail and what thoughts would continue to race through my mind. I think we all tend to assume the worst, but I can think of time and time again throughout my life where my worst fears were just fleeting thoughts that never came to fruition. The things I said during disclosing were things like, "I respect you, I trust you, and I care enough about you to tell you about this." She could see the vulnerability in my words and actions, and the trust and respect that it takes to be completely honest and open with another person. This lead to a great relationship that lasted for almost three years, and through proper precautions she remained negative throughout. Our relationship faded for reasons having nothing to do with herpes, and the truth is sometimes people just grow apart, and that's okay. It allowed us to build a base of trust in the relationship that lasted until it just wasn't working anymore. I suppose what I'm getting at through these words is a bit of positive self affirmation. With the prospect of being back on the ever scary dating scene I wanted to return to the forums and read the positive thoughts of others throughout their journey. A few things I've realized, I'm the same person I was before contracting HSV-2. Probably a better one. Now that I'm in my early 30's I feel much more confident in disclosing than I was in my late 20's. Granted, after learning how to suppress symptoms and seeing the severity of outbreaks decrease, I realize that this manageable inconvenience is nothing more than that, an inconvenience. My ex and I avoided sexual contact during my outbreaks. I'd jokingly say I had a "situation" that I had to deal with and we'd both give it a quick laugh and move on to making dinner or whatever. I also found there are many ways to remain intimate during these times. I found massage to be something that left us both extremely satisfied without the worry or thought of being unsafe. Intimacy is not just sex, it's opening up your heart and revealing your truest and deepest thoughts, wishes, feelings, and desires that we as human beings have. That in my opinion is true intimacy. While I'm back on the market and navigating Tinder, Match, the bar scene and other options, my thoughts are now with building something special with the right one. I've learned from my previous relationship just what I'm looking for, and I'm excited about the prospects of finding that person. I may have never had this relationship if it hadn't been for herpes, so in a weird roundabout way I'm grateful. In conclusion, we are all human beings with unbelievably complex emotions and mental states. However, with a moral core of trust, respect, honesty, and love we can find that reciprocated in someone that we truly care about. Daunting as it all may seem, the proof of my previous relationship leads me no other choice but to believe the right person is out there for me, and with enough time I'm sure we'll cross paths. Take care of yourselves, -Ty

I appreciate the kind words and quick response. Yeah man, I'll definitely try to make it. We gotta remember that adversity breeds character, this is a wonderful opportunity to become stronger people.

Howdy! I'm a 28 year old male who has recently (less than a month ago) been diagnosed via biopsy that I, in fact, have HSV-2. Sure, I wanted to believe every other possible scenario until the results came back and that's how I got through the week before leading up to the phonecall. Ingrown hairs, infected hair follicles, anything but herpes. But alas that was not the case, and now that I have the rock solid information that I indeed have HSV-2, there have already been changes in my life ... for the better. For one, I've had to look deep inside myself and reinforce positive affirmations that this doesn't define who I am as a person. I'm still talented, smart, handsome *grin*, a good friend, and someone who understands and feels emotions deeply. There's a stigma that gets attached to those carrying the virus that somehow we're going to be tainted for a lifetime and that there's no way anyone would want to be with us forever. To be blunt, that's all bullshit. There are deeper levels of loving aside from all the surface material things that society has taught us to look for in a mate. To be clear, I am single. And I have never really felt love in the deepest sense of the word. I've never struggled to find sexual partners, but that's just what they were: Sexual partners and not caring relationships. So in that sense, I have certainly sold myself short over the course of my lifetime when it comes to giving someone special the absolute best of me. I simply haven't done it. That in itself is a deep realization that I don't think I would've had without my recent diagnosis. There's beauty inside all of us. Things that matter more than just physical attraction. I was talking to my best friend (the only person who've I've told so far) about sex and how meaningless it had become lately. It was all about the pursuit and the conquest but never about developing something real with another human being. A tough pill to swallow indeed, but a thought that would never have crossed my mind if I hadn't been diagnosed with HSV-2. In short, this is already making me a better person. There's power in positivity, knowing who you are in the deepest of your core and being able to share that with those around you. The old saying goes, "Lemons to lemonade." That can definitely be applied here. Like Brene Brown's TED lecture linked on the herpeslife site said shame unchecked can lead to intense feelings of isolation and rejection. But it also lends itself to vulnerability, the exposing of your heart for those closest to you to see. One thing I do know is that honesty is a powerful thing; it demands respect. Expressing your feelings and what's in your heart is a hard thing for anyone to turn their back on. You are giving them the truest of you, and if they can't accept that then they don't deserve to be close to you. In conclusion I'd like to say I've started on a new path, a realer path, a path lined with honesty. Not only to myself, but to those I hope to hold close in my heart. There are things to stress out over and having this virus isn't one of them. This isn't a death sentence. I wish you all the best and I will gladly be a sounding board and an ear for those who wish to talk. The environment on this website is one of safety and spiritual healing. There's no doubt we'll overcome the guilt and shame associated with this. Just remember you are beautiful in every way, and if this does change you, let it be for the better. Much love, Ty