ang

Thank you

I totally understand sail ...I really just want to let go ...I know we are all humans and make mistakes but I'm constantly so hard on myself especially cus I went about it without disclosing to my ex no matter how bad he treated me in the sat he didn't deserve that ..as for disclosures in general I'm just so freaked out cus I don't know if I can handle rejection ...I'm generally very private and just letting someone know something so intimate and then having them walk away is super scary to me...but thank you for your kind words I'm definitely a work in progress

Yeah I've tried counseling ...joining online support forums but it's something I can't seem to shake maybe cus I never imagined even being in this position and because I wasn't exactly the sexually free type and had a lot of partners ...it just seems to be something I can't shake anytime I feel like I've conquered it fear hits me once again...I guess cus if it was the other way around I probably would not continue to date the person

I also forgot to add that although i completely lost contact with the man who bashed me and dont know what his test results said ive never passed it on to anyone.... he has attempted to contact me within the last 8 months however ive ignored it because i believe it was to apologize for his behavior... pls help :(

so i contracted herpes in late 2012... and although ive had it for a while i am still struggling with this. I have my good and bad days however days like tofay i feel that this is something i will not get past. I am currently 26 years old single and would really like to get back into the dating world however im still extremely hard on myself for putting myself in this situation. I got herpes after my second partner and since then ive gone through a wirlwind of emotions like most. i try not to think about it most days however it is always in the back of my mind. Ive done tons of research however anytime i come across any negative comments my self esteem breaks down again because i honestly feel like people view this as if it was HIV. This whole process of emotions has been extremely draining and confusing simply because i dont have any symptoms, take no medication and its almost like im dealing with an invisible condition. Late December i made the mistake of sleeping with an ex and did not disclose until after due to my extreme fear of being rejected and the outcome was probably the worst i couldve imagined. I was bashed as a nasty woman, cursed out, was told i had no reason to live and basically had my character dragged for having what i believe is to be a benign condition that most people have. Ive always been super careful disclosed before and wear condoms during all sexual encounters however that one mistake still weighs super heavy on me. Anytime i have bad days all i could think of is how gross i am for having this and definitely go through the emotions that noone will love me. ive almost had this for about 4 years not when does it get better??!!! I mean i know i am a beautiful, smart woman but ever since my diagnosis im constantly battling feelings of worthlessness. I deserve to be loved and i just want to get past all this self judgement ive cast on myself.

Thanks!!! You are a blessing :)

Yeah but what about if u disclose way before ...for example when your just talking and getting to know eachother ... For example one of my girlfriends made the mistake of not disclosing to her current friends with benefits turned boyfriend until after they had sex and when she told him he straight up said had u told me before hand I probably would have had sex with you once and never continued talking to u which makes no sense to me .::I feel like in a sense he was trapped into a relationship because he eventually caught it as well but the fact that he said he wouldn't have started a relationship with her had she done the right thing is a little weird to me but hey to eaches own

Hmm interesting ...I always love hearing the view from a male stand point...one of my close guy friends has herpes as well and has said that girls have told him before he had it also and never thought it was a big deal ...this leads me to believe how big of a deal is it really ?!

Just a quick vent. I've had herpes for about 4 years and up until recently is when I feel like I've started to really confront the issue head on and move towards the acceptance stage. In the past I thought I had gotten over it but everytime I brought it up to a potential pArtners(which I've done 4 times) I swear I feel like I've had a mini anxiety attack and burst into tears which led me to believe that it was time to love myself x10 and concentrate more on the healing process. Up until 2 recent rejections I didn't realize how big of a toll this had taken on me psychologically and how much it had affected my self esteem. I mean I know I'm a beautiful girl, educated and most would say I have my shit together however I've always dealt with insecurities and somehow herpes kinda magnified them for me. I've never been the promiscuous type (got it from my second partner) so when I was diagnosed it almost felt like I lost my identity in the midst of all the stigma and public opinion. Yes I know I'm not my diagnosis and this could happen to anyone but I still don't wanna be known as the herpes girl. I also feel a sense of insecurity because many men always ask me how a girl like me is single and H is usually the big reason in the back of my head which I know could be a small factor but definitely not the major reaso . I'm hoping as I move towards more self love I can grow to care less of what others think of me and just accept me as I am. Also as weird as it sounds I feel like in my community there's a lot more shame and stigma surrounding the condition. I live in nyc and I know 1/4 women have it but amongst the Hispanic/black community it's rarely talked about. Also growing up in nyc I was surrounded by people with cold sores my whole life which sometimes even leads me to believe am Im being dramatic about having genital herpes. Is herpes just a normal part of having sex as cold sores come with kissing etc ... And I'm just naive to the fact lol idk I mean most people don't disclose cold sores although some people feel as though they should. Ugh stigma sucks lol

so exactly how contagious is herpes? Of course I know transmission rates and I've become extremely educated on hsv however sometimes I wonder how accurate the stats are. The reason I'm writing this post is mainly because I would like to know the likelyhood of transmission if I were to use no condoms no antivirals and do not have outbreaks. For a large percentage of the time I would say 99% I am assymptomtic. I honestly forget I have it most of the the time until it comes to disclosure time during dating and in the 4 years I've had it I've probably had a mild outbreak about 4 times. Is it inevitable that the person I'm with is definitely going to catch it? I want to protect my partner to the best of my ability when we're in a serious relationship but I want things to be as normal as possible and if no condom use is an option I would like to safely make that transition. I haven't had sex consistently without a condom since my diagnosis and I want to know if that would be possible. I've read a lot of information stating that you always have to wear a condom to protect your partner even if you are assymptomtic due to viral shedding. Also ive heard of some women having outbreaks around there butts, inner thighs and have had it go down they're leg but in my case where ive only had one sore show up on my vaginal lip how likely is transmission with or without a condom?? Thanks guys :)

Hi everyone....so I was pondering on different experiences with disclosures. can some of you share both positive experiences and bad with casual dating. I've always assumed that someone wouldn't risk having casual sex with someone with herpes however recently I've read several different stories where women have stated that a man didn't mind having sex with them but didn't want to have a relationship due to feeling shame from others or being judged for being with someone with herpes which I find shocking. Have any of you had this happen??

Thank you so much for being so supportive by the way ...it feels nice to have someone who understands

After .... We discussed this in another post also but I dated him for about 5 years and left him alone for a long time I relocated and left my old town to start fresh and work on me ...I guess recently due to the rejection with the new guy I found myself going back to this abusive person who I tried to leave behind because I was in a vulnerable place, and I let myself trust him enough to at least be friends because I thought maybe he had changed. I don't know if I'm more ashamed of the fact that I went back to his toxic ass or the fact that I disclosed after. i thought I was in control of my life but I realized that he has a lot more power over me psychologically then I realized...

i feel like I've reached a bad place in my life and I've allowed myself to lose control of a lot of things. Its almost like I was holding this secret in for so long and holding other negative things in my life for so long that everything just flowed out of me when i told him these things.. i can't wait to get through this all smh

yes exactly. I am now dealing with all these different issues within myself. I feel like I'm damaged goods, a hoe etc and no one will want me. I caught herpes after the 2nd person i slept with and after i got out of a bad relationship with the ex that i just got into this huge argument with. Since then i have been dealing with an internal battle because i always got this label as "the good girl" and what not. i don't really like to go by labels or anything like that but after opening up to my ex which i know wasn't a good idea...i honestly told him too much about a lot of things (i think i was just extremely vulnerable and for some wild idea i thought maybe he wouldn't judge me smh) and hearing all the slut shaming and disgusting things he had to say about me after he feared that he has caught is also is driving me crazy :(...yes it shouldn't matter what he thinks but hearing all those things was literally like a verbal bashing of all the thoughts I've had in my head for years that I've been trying to ignore and fight against..thing is he is super uneducated also and he thinks because he licked his hand and touched me while we were having sex that he has it for sure which is why i shouldn't care what he thinks but i guess it bothers me also because he always put me on a pedestal. He told me that in his past relationship his ex girlfriend always bashed me and he always defended me and that i made him sick to his stomach. In the past he always said how scared he was of catching herpes which is why i never said anything and for a while.I knew deep down how he felt about the disease and i always just kept quiet about it anytime we made brief conversation or caught up. i also thought he was the one who gave it me for a while because he told me that the mother of one of his children has it as well. I also went through a recent issue with a guy i was dating where i disclosed and he was upset however he didn't even react nearly as close to how my ex did and when i opened up about the guy i was dating to him and how things didn't end well he naturally assumed that it was because I've just been sleeping around with people passing it along.