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  1. Hi, HSV2 positive for 4 years now (wow!) I was super depressed when I first got it. The guy who gave it to me claimed to not have known he had it. The sad thing is I was very diligent in about asking his sexual history before we ever hooked up, but I didn't know the difference between a physical and a blood test (not many people do....) I have disclosed to some people and not disclosed to others. It really depends on how far off in the horizon I see things ending with them. When I feel I'm building a relationship with someone, I disclose. When I don't, I don't. I always wear condoms and take precautions. Since I broke up with my ex (who I disclosed to,) I have become a very happily single girl. I enjoy a lot of male attention. I am very capable of and interested in exploring my sexuality and I'll be damned if I sit out on this experience. The first guy I went on a date with after my ex, I decided to have casual sex with him. It wasn't my intention but as soon as he got his hands on me, I was helpless. We had sex (vaginally with a condom and orally without) about 6 times. We never fooled around if I had an ob, which are few and far between. One day he got a cold sore on his lip. He said he'd never had one before and started asking questions. I LIED. I'm terrible. I don't lie about anything, I'm an ineffective liar, always have been. For some reason I couldn't fess up face to face. I stopped talking to this guy for about three months and then we started hanging out again and eventually hooking up again. He made a comment about a mutual friend who I said was 'cute.' He said 'you don't want that, he has something.' I was so offended (it gave the impact of a racist comment almost!) That afternoon, I wrote him a 10 page letter about what I had, that I was sorry, but also that I refused to be treated like a freakshow and I reiterated how common it was and how few people actually knew what was going on in their bodies. We were ok for awhile but then he wanted a relationship and when I wouldn't give him that he cut me out of his life. Too painful, I guess. More recently, I started an online conversation with a friend that I have lusted after for years. To my surprise he was on the exact same page and we met up one weekend and had the most explosive sex. I told him to wear a condom and he said that he hadn't slept with anyone since his ex wife. I didn't believe him because he's so attractive. I figured it was a lie or shitty excuse and I felt that his irresponsibility was his own fault. He didn't ask or care what I might have had, he just gave me a spiel. I tried to get a condom on him anyway but it was impossible - his penis was way too big. I wasn't about to either disclose or run to the pharmacy and risk not sleeping with this lifetime achievement stud so I just went for it. A week later, he rented a hotel room for the two of us. I was getting really excited as the weekend got closer and then, much to my surprise, I got my period early. I had bought magnums and we had sex but clearly no oral. I picked him up this past weekend and he had a cold sore. He tried talking about it and I was pretty panicked. If I had been able to see my face.......it would've been beet red. I completely turned it around and said 'oh can I still kiss you....' 'can you still go down on me....' blah blah. (He kept saying he abreeved the crap out of it so it wouldn't be contagious - I pretended to know nothing about spreading the virus.) He couldn't have got it from our night at the hotel room. His face was nowhere near my vagina. However the timing of it perfectly correlates with our hotel night. How have I given two men HSV2 through oral - vaginal sex with no OB and using 1,000 mg of Lysine a day? I thought the virus was less likely to spread from genitals to mouth than it is from genitals to genitals? I don't want to be in a relationship. I feel like as soon as I disclose to someone, things go to 'the next level' in their mind and then I break their heart by not committing. I want to be independent and still have sex. I like my current lover - but he's terrible boyfriend material. I feel that by not disclosing I'm forcing a wedge in between us and it's a great defence mechanism. However if I continue to sleep with him I really should disclose so now I'm caught in the 'should I disclose and give it a chance or just stop seeing someone that I enjoy having in my life using some bullsh!t lie' dilemma. My doctor says that a blood test will tell you if you've ever had a cold sore in your life - it doesn't actually test for HSV2. My lover could have genital herpes now and not be able to test for it. People can get false positives and false negatives. Just because someone says 'I'm clean' never ever ever ever means that they are. You don't know that you're clean unless you're a virgin. So why must we positives carry the weight of the world on our shoulders? I have several friends who have had twice as much sex, protected and unprotected, as I have and don't have anything. I am a strong believer in following passion and being independent and herpes kills all that for me. I've actually never been rejected by someone I've disclosed to and to not disclose in consideration of that makes me a huge selfish coward. That is my rant with questions interlaced throughout. I've been very candid and I'm opening myself up to a lot of criticism. Fire away.
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