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optimist

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optimist last won the day on February 21 2019

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  1. @LoveTheMountains I agree with you on not "selling" prospective partners, though I do find stats helpful for a couple reasons. First, it helps me put my own infection into context. Also, when I disclose, I always offer to answer questions and transmission risk is a common question I've been asked in response. I like to be prepared to answer that question when asked. I don't find it contradictory that HSV is very common yet transmission risk under certain circumstances is low. Many factors go into these seemingly conflicting statements. Though I do emphasize to prospective partners that risk exists, even when condoms are used. I've also opted out in cases where I felt the person had not had enough time to process the information, as well as a case where someone came back around after educating themselves but still had a lot of anxiety. I'm always aware in such cases that risk DOES exist, even if the risk is small, so I consider whether or not *I* am willing to take that risk with that particular person. Sometimes the answer is no.
  2. I've only seen one study with actual data on this but the study size was very small. It says "However, among 48 source partners of people with documented newly acquired genital HSV‐1, HSV‐1 was isolated from the genital area in seven and from the oral area in three (unpublished data). This suggests that genital to genital HSV‐1 transmission is potentially not uncommon." Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2564733/ My understanding is that research is underway to better pinpoint genital to genital risk. In the meantime, it might help to look at average shedding rates which indicate how often a partner would typically be exposed to the virus. The average rate for GSV2 is 3x higher than that of GHSV1 (14% vs. 5%). Additionally oral HSV1 sheds more often than either of the genital varieties at 25%, and more people have oral HSV1 than any other type/location combo, so many more exposures of oral HSV1 are occurring in general, often through oral sex. FWIW, my doctor gave me the same advice about HSV2 and risk outside of symptoms. I think this is how many people in the medical community view it based on a variety of factors including prevalence and general impact of contracting the virus.
  3. This man having oral herpes does not make him unclean. Nor would genital herpes. Both are very common. Many people contract oral herpes as tiny children. Most people contract it during the course of a lifetime. As for telling you he had been tested, it was wrong of him if he lied about testing for STIs in general, but bear in mind that most STI panels do not include testing for HSV. If they did, a majority would come back positive, that's how common HSV is. So when people say they are "clean," even if they have been tested for STIs, it's likely there are some they have not been tested for, such as HPV and HSV. As for you daughter, if your infection is genital, you don't need to worry about transmitting it to her. If your infection is oral, refrain from kissing her during outbreaks.
  4. No idea if you have genital herpes. Visual diagnosis can be inaccurate. If you do have genital herpes, you may have type 1, type 2, or both. Genital HSV2 most often goes unnoticed. 80-90% of people don't notice when they contract genital HSV2 and then either have no symptoms or symptoms so mild they mistake the symptoms for something else (ingrown hair, yeast infection, pimple, razorburn, etc.). Those who do notice symptoms may have the type of significant symptoms you described you saw on Google, but that is generally the very first outbreak. If they have recurring symptoms, they are usually much more limited (such as a single small ulcer). Genital HSV1 often results in a noticeable primary outbreak. However, those who have recurring symptoms typically have them less often than people who have recurrences caused by HSV2. Don't know if the bumps you saw on someone else were herpes related. If they looked like little ulcers, that could be a good guess. But other things cause "bumps" as well. It is not *necessary* to take antivirals. Those who take them generally take them either daily to reduce/eliminate outbreaks and/or reduce transmission risk to a partner, or they take them when they feel symptoms coming on to shorter the duration of symptoms.
  5. @PresentMoment That was not my experience when someone disclosed to me when I was young. I chose to continue dating them and we broke up for others reasons later. It has also been my experience that most people I've disclosed to have been fine moving forward. Not all but most. I also don't feel I've made anyone out to be a "bad guy" but instead have pointed out that different people assess risk differently, whether they have very few partners or many partners or all kinds of other factors. That was the only point I was trying to make to @freya who speculated that those having more casual sex might be more likely to take the risk in stride.
  6. There is very, very little document research on this. I've only seen one very small study that looked at people with brand new GHSV1 infections and then assessed where their source partners were shedding from and it revealed that some of the new cases were a result of genital-genital contact. However, this was a very small study, like maybe fewer than 50 people, IIRC. If you're interested, I'll find it for you. I do recall Terri Warren (well regarded clinician with HSV expertise) mentioned a while back that GHSV1 transmission research is underway and that in the absence of data, she would point to shedding rates as possibly giving insight. Oral HSV1 sheds an average of 25% of the time. Genital HSV1 sheds an average of 5% of the time. Genital HSV2 sheds an average of 14% of this time. An educated guess might be to divide documented average transmission rates for GHSV2 by 1/3 since GHSV2 sheds about 1/3 as often as GHSV1. And also may be helpful to bear in mind that genital HSV1 sheds on average 5x less often than genital HSV1. As for the lesion on your chin, you'd need it swabbed to know if it's HSV related, I think.
  7. @PresentMoment I hope I didn't come across as judging someone with a history of 100 partners. I was trying to illustrate that even someone who is comfortable unknowingly taking that risk, assuming at least 25 of his past partners had HSV2 based on statistics, may still have anxiety about one partner with known risk. He had never been disclosed to before and reacted with anxiety to the known risk. I was addressing @freya's speculation that people who are already taking this risk with random sex partners of unknown status might be more open to having sex with someone who knows they are HSV2+. It's my opinion that risk assessment is often more complex than that.
  8. @freya This has not been my experience. I've experienced both outcomes with people who were very emotionally invested, and I've experienced both outcomes with people who were extremely active participants in hookup culture. That is not to say that there aren't some cases where people who hookup more randomly factor that into their decision making and people who are more relationship oriented do the same, but just to say that risk assessment is a very complex thing. I encountered a guy with a history of 100 partners who had extreme anxiety when I disclosed. It's a complex situation due to the stigma.
  9. @50andsad If it helps at all, please be aware that having HSV2 at your age is to be expected. A majority of single/divorced/widowed women in the U.S. contract it by your age. Your partner may not be aware of how very common this is due to the stigma and how it is typically not included in STI panels.
  10. The situation you describe presents no risk.
  11. No, HSV2 is not transmitted this way. Additionally, in the U.S., 30% of moms of newborns have HSV2, most don't know they have it, and no additional precautions are required. Even moms who have oral HSV1 which is more common are not advised to take precautions outside of abstaining from direct skin-skin contact with the infected region during an outbreak.
  12. 80-90% of people don't notice upon contracting HSV2 and most of those people never notice. The same is true for 70% of people with HSV1. In these cases, occasionally people will notice symptoms later on or put it together that something like repeated jock itch or yeast infection or ingrown hairs was actually HSV. Very common. So if he has tested positive for herpes, yes, it's possible he had it before you, or that he contracted it from you after a few years.
  13. It's unfortunate they didn't swab you. Also unfortunate they did not test you for both types when you tested for HSV2 in the past as you would have then had a baseline. Current possibilities include: - You have oral HSV1 (70% of people with HSV1 have no symptoms or mild symptoms they don't recognize) and the ingrown hair symptom is not at all related to HSV - You have genital HSV1 - You have both HSV1 and HSV2 but tested too soon after having a vaginal symptom of HSV2. It takes at least a few weeks and up to 12 weeks from time of infection for antibodies to build to a sufficient level to trigger a positive test result on an IgG blood test. The IgG blood test will pick up 70% of HSV1 infections and 95% of HSV2 infections at/after 12 weeks following infection. (They can also return false positives, usually in ranges under 3.5, so even with the HSV1 result, you may want to ask for that data.)
  14. @Adam I agree with you that it's good to be educated enough to answer questions accurately. Personally, I tend to just keep it to the facts of my situation when I disclose and then provide more information based on their questions. I've provided the annual risk stats for people who asked about risk, and it's funny how different people can see the same numbers very differently.
  15. @Adam Sorry, forgot to answer your other question. Whether it's misleading would be based on a few factors. How much does the other person know about how all this works? Is this being pitched to someone who is making a choice to have sex one time only or is this a long-term partner? When potential partners, including casual partners, ask me about risk, I share with them that the available statistics are based on couples who have sex a couple times a week over the course of a year. I state it this way even though I know we likely won't be having sex that mirrors how those couple have sex. But I feel it could be misleading to them to divide risk by 100 acts or 150 acts or 365 days or whatever because too many variables influence risk on any given day. Just my opinion.
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