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bittersweet28

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Everything posted by bittersweet28

  1. Good for you bonafiderarity for giving yourself time to heal/process/except this. What matters now is that you love yourself. I commend you for doing the right thing in contacting those partners but you can not change or control their reactions. I have told my close friends only. One of which has had herpes for over 20 years. I also told one very dear friend that I have had sexual encounters with in the past and he said "I'd still be with you if the opportunity ever presented it's self because I love you the person. Herpes doesn't change those feelings." - But OMG I wouldn't dream of telling any of my 9 siblings or my parents and being as I will never have sexual relations with them, they will never know.. lol Meditate. Try mind imaging. Imagine yourself pushing the virus back into the spinal cord. Imagine yourself letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings and inhaling positive thoughts and feelings. Find what works for you and except it's not worth letting this win. We are our own worst enemy. But you can change that and become your own BIGGEST FAN!
  2. Thank you Katie for your comments - I've had time to really think about this and the anxiety medication the Dr gave me is helping me get that fog out of my head so I can process this. I have gained some perspective on my situation - Today begins my 4th week of my first GH OB. I am now really excepting this more and more. So a little more to maybe help others as I have found so much help in reading others stories. Between 2005 and 2007 my life was a mess. My 20 year marriage was over and I was basically homeless. My first serious relationship after my divorce was with an abusive alcoholic that became unemployed after we moved in together and was not faithful. So, after 3 years of that, I had enough. In Aug. 2009 decided it was time for a change. I lost my job in June 2009 and decided to have STD (including Hsv1/2) testing done in Nov. 2009 (before my insurance lapsed). I knew I was HSV1+ and took all precautions not to spread this. I moved to a new state in Dec. 2009 and had a few encounters (protection used). In Aug. 2010 I met and fell in love with my BF (he’s 35, I’m 45). And we moved in together almost immediately. He got tested in 2007 by this state’s prison system when he entered and was neg for everything. I was the first and only woman he has been with since he was released in Aug. 2010 (his mother backs this story). We have only had unprotected sex. We did have a 3rd sexual partner after we got together that I recently found out has GH symptoms but never got tested. I have no doubt this came from her. But it doesn’t matter really. After diagnosing myself with GH before seeing a provider 3 weeks ago, I was hysterical. After seeing my provider for a follow-up, it was confirmed. I am NOW HSV1+/HSV2+. I can remember hysterically crying that my BF of 3 years was going to leave (and I can’t say as I would blame him). I think he considered it. As I left the house to get my results hysterically crying I said, “OMG, I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!” I went through 3 days of just crying, then out of the blue, this man came over to me and held me. He pulled me back and asked me what was wrong. I told him I loved him and I was so scared he was going to leave and that I was so very sorry this was happening. Right then and there he pulled me back and said “Look at me. I love you with all of my heart. I am not going anywhere. I am right here and will always be here. We will get through this as we have gotten through every other bump. This is just life baby. You can’t fight life. You can only make the best of what life throws you.” He went on to say that even if he does test neg. he still isn’t leaving. He goes for his test this Tuesday. Even though I really could not afford to take time off from my job, I mean I REALLY CAN'T AFFORD IT. I did it anyway. JUST FOR ME! I am taking time to process this and to heal my body because I am still in pain and my mind. I am taking time to regain my positive way of thinking, instead of trying to place blame or feel guilty or sorry for myself because I am HSV1/2+. I am still a strong woman and I have overcome a lot more in my life. This will not change who I am. It will however change who I become. There is still a possibility that my BF changes his mind especially if he does test neg. However, if that does happen, Guess what? I am still going to be fine. I am still going to live my life because I am still ME! And I am the only one that has control over me. No one person, No disease, No infection, Nothing has control over me unless I give it control. I love myself regardless of wither others love me or not. I am so very thankful that I have support from this man whom never ceases to amaze me. Every moment I fall deeper in love with him. But he doesn't make me who I am. My journey down life's road has taken a side path and that path will take me back to that main road again so I can resume my journey. I have dealt with the stigma of being bipolar since I was 16. I have been rejected by plenty of men after disclosing this. It didn't take my illness away. But I did see how shallow people can really be. I found over the years of dealing with bipolar positive thinking is a benefit that has helped me more than any medication. And over time I am sure I will go with a more holistic approach when dealing with my herpes but today, I chose to deal with the present. I am in less pain than I have been in 3 weeks. I am still alive and I am still able to look myself in the mirror and say out loud, "Today you may look a little rough, but you are still beautiful and I love you."
  3. On March 4th I felt likeI had theflu. I took some sinus medication and some liquidcold medicine but it wasn’t helping. I could not smell anything and I was waking up with a headache everyday for a week. On March 7th I was at work and started itching so badly I rubbed myself with toilet paper until I bled a small amount. When I got home I mentioned to my BF of 3 years that I was itching badly. He said he had been itching since Tuesday which was the last time we had sex but his itching has stopped. I started researching GH online and had EVERY symptom others mentioned EXCEPT the blisters. The pain and emotional exhaustion finally got to me and I went to the minor ER. I was told it was BV and given a one-time dose of Flagyl. It started to clear up my sinuses but nothing else. I returned the following day and demanded a herpes test. She insisted it was not GH and gave me Visterilfor the itch and anxiety.(They called me yesterday and said I had strep throat but no herpes results were back yet. now on augmenton) I left and called anOBGYN that fit me in right away. She also advised me that she thought it was severe BV and not GH, however she gave me Valtrex which she said could not hurt me and metronidazole vaginal gel. After 3 pap exams, neither provider saw lesions or blisters. Today is the 19th. I feel ill.I itch, haveintense burning and tingling and can feel my vagina swelling but there are no blisters, no red dots, and no bumps! After taking the Valtrex (500 mg 2x’s a day) I would get these sensations in my throat and in my legsand around my anus in my chest and throughout my body. It would only last about 30 minutes then it would just end and start again a short time latersomewhere else. My BF and I have had unprotected sex for almost 3 years now. We had 1 escapade with a friend of mine right after we started dating 3 years ago and recently when I called her aboutmy problem below,shetold me she has had bumps (likepimples)on her vaginaforyearsbut itwas infected hairs from shaving (which I have had). Then she told me if she takes Valtrex or puts abreevaon thesores she feelsbetter. My BF worked out of town for a year and I thought at one time that he was cheating on me. When I told him I might have GH he said he would be angry and wonder where it came from since we both tested neg before we got together. My test results came back from the OBGYN today and I am positive for HSV2. I had HSV1 before we got together but I have had only 1 coldsore in 3 years and just 6 months ago I questioned why I haven’t had a cold sore with all the colds I’ve had as I normally do. But that was as far as it went. He is going to get tested in a week since he doesn’t have insurance we have to pay for this out of pocket. He said he’s certain it will come back positive. Hesays he loves me and he isn’t going to leave me and he can’t believe my friend didn’t tell me about this. He said he never wants to see her faceagain but he does not blame me. I worried he might have had it and just didn’t disclose it. The reason I think this is because he knows a lot about GH and has had a lot of partners. I am in the healthcare industry and had to look up information about it. He knows stress can make them worse so he trys to calm me when I am crying saying “We will make it through this. I love you and everything will be fine.” I am in PAIN! I have to work but I don’t know HOW I am going to make it through this pain I am on the go 8 hours at my job. I take Epsom salt baths and use cornstarch powder and stillthere are NO BUMPS! Also, my clitoris is very sensitive. I am a wreak wondering where I got this. I feel betrayed by my friend of 20 years and my BF of 3 years has me 2nd guessing his love and fidelity. Anyone else gone over 2 weeks with 1st OB without the appearance of blisters? I am just waiting on these awful sores I have read about to appear. Is it possible that the Valtrex has stopped this process? also, We have had unprotected sex for 3 years. and we had sex right after I felt like I had the flu with a low grade fever. He started itching after we had sex but that has spied and he has no symptoms. What are the chances he'll test positive?
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