Hdawg

@HikingGirl nailed it!

Great story @tt88 !!

@anette14_99 my recent experience has led me to open up to several friends and it has been pretty empowering. Not only have they been super supportive but just owning it has taken the stigma out of it. They already care about me and it hasn't changed how they feel or view me and has almost become an exercise if you will to see what a positive reaction is like by somebody who truly cares or even loves you. Telling them has honestly been a very healing experience in a lot ways for me. Hope you had a good one.

Thank you again @WSCDancer2010!!

@WCSDancer2010 Thank you for your response! It looks like I have to swallow the fact that condoms will not be of much protection, that's going to be a tough one to relay but it looks like I need to own it. In your opinion is it possible that the location of my OB's might actually help in avoiding transmission? It's my understanding that thicker skin areas shed less. I have learned so much here since I've joined, it really is greatly appreciated. My experience with my primary care physician at DX was so dismissive that I actually contacted a previous care provider for support. The second opinion was warm and compassionate but also very casual, telling me it was rather simple, if I had an outbreak don't play but if I was clear it was "safe". So wild. I've been pretty stressed about a recent situation so I've been taking antivirals to curb any potentials, looks like i'll just keep it going. Thanks you again.

@optimist sounds on point with the guy's behavior

In the last paragraph you said you didn't give him the choice, were you sleeping together and then disclose? I put myself in a very similar situation if that's the case and going through the same guilt and heartache. It took a lot of support from many people to remind me that I'm a good person who did a bad thing, but it still stings like hell. I had no ill intentions, it sounds like you didn't either and you came clean and told him. You did the right thing and it sounds like you're on the right track. I know I won't be in this situation again, sounds like you won't either.

First off I want to say thank you for all of you awesome and supportive folks out there, this place has been amazing for me and I only wish I would have found this sooner. Recently I watched the video interview with Dr. Leone (twice) and learned more in that hour than I have in the last year and a half!! And after seeing this video I wanted to know what kind of numbers I could provide to a future partner (and a past partner) so they could understand best they could and as accurately as possible, and for myself as well. Now I don't know if IGG numbers provide anything but in my first post I was very emotional and muddled some of the facts for my situation. My first test the numbers were 1.66 for I and 3.48 for II ( IGG ) and that was in July 14. More recently my numbers were 1.0 for I and 6.2 for II just a couple weeks ago at the end of March. I have had 5 OBs that I can remember (I can almost give the dates for each, very stressful situations), with the first one in May of '09 and they have been quite mild and went undiagnosed until July 14. My outbreaks have all occurred in the same location which is about 2 1/2 to 3 inches above my member right at the belt line, my ex and I both thought my outbreaks were simply an ingrown hair or a gnarly pimple until I got proper test results, and I've never had a cold sore around the mouth. I am a very healthy person in general, rarely come down even with colds and feel like i have a really good awareness of where my body is with respect to health and how I treat my body. I don't use antivirals daily, but will pop like one a week (feels like a mental maintenance thing) or will use them if I feel even a little stressed. I have contact with my past partners, I have not passed this on, and I want to keep it that way. So if I work off of stats, information and my own personal case, what kind of numbers can I relay? I have read here and in other sources that shedding could be less with an infection in the skin in the pubic area making transmission less likely. This would help when I have to say condoms don't entirely help in my case, and could nullify their effectiveness. If I work with the general stat that M to F transmission chances are 10%, is this simply what I have to use in discussions or do any of the other factors give me the chance to bring my numbers down? I want to be fair and accurate as possible, I appreciate any feedback and hope you all had a great weekend

Thank you for the positivity Elise1977!! It took a lot of friends and even an old therapist who knew me well to reassure me that I am a good guy who did a bad thing. No excuses, but I sure learned the hard way. To HippyHerpy, thank you for your comment. Respectfully, I am not scared at all of somebody saying no to sex, it was about losing this woman entirely. The connection, the fun, the chats, the hikes, the fuzzy feeling in the gut, and yes I agree and completely understand that it was fear driven, I know better, and was beating myself up pretty bad for it. Cheers for the support here, it's very much appreciated

When I joined this site, I thought it would be a place where I could get support and information from folks in the same situation, but I'm feeling more and more that I can't accept it with out sharing what I recently did, and hopefully somebody will read it and pick the better path. I'm not proud of my behavior, and it's eating me alive. I tested positive for both HSV 1 and 2 (1 tested 1.0, 2 tested 6.28), about 2 years ago. I have never had a cold sore on or around my mouth. I have had 5 or 6 ob's, that look like a really light rash just below the belt and always in the same location. I've had a handful of lovers since my diagnosis, the first talk was terrifying but they got easier and the outcomes were encouraging. Condoms were not used in most encounters after testing and a "safe" starting point which surprised the hell out of me and I was starting to think that life could be "normal". I also had a 5+ year relationship with a woman where not a single condom was used but after being diagnosed, I'm pretty damn positive that my first ob around the belt happened 6 months into this relationship. To this day, none of these women have tested positive for HSV 2. So here I go thinking i'm the herpe whisperer and I meet an amazing woman. All the puzzle pieces are there, I'm completely enamored with her and we are sharing an amazing connection. Things got spicy REALLY fast and in the back of my head I'm thinking I need to tell her now, tell her now, what the hell are you doing. I blew it............twice. And it ate me up. I told her about my situation, and on the evening I told her she takes it so well I feel even closer and accepted. Then she slept on it, and she really got upset and by the end of the following day she was livid with the way I handled the situation, and she is 100% right. I was so scared to lose this connection with this woman, and now I probably have because I took her choice away from her. It was totally unacceptable, and now I'm paying the price and even though I am not a religious man a have prayed to all in the sky that this lovely woman doesn't have to deal with this as well. I'm fighting for her, I hope she might accept me as I am, but completely understand if she won't because of what I did. No matter how hard it is, just come clean up front, I know it's been said so many times around here. The worry of giving this affliction to somebody you care about is far worse than the fear that threw your moral compass off in the first place.