Confusedandscared

I just found out I have heroes and I have a handful of questions and asking my roommates without herpes probably isnt my best bet. But they are trying. Questions: 1) Does every person with a cold sore mean that they have HSV 1? 2) how will if I am having an outbreak? I barely knew I was having an outbreak when I first found out it was herpes. There wasn't any open sores and I didn't have any flu like sympotms. 3) Honestly this question is probably far fetched but it is a real question I have: If i am having an outbreak and there are ope sores and I use a towel and the towel touches the sore and then maybe my lips, can I get herpes HSV1? 4) My boyfriend was tested after I found out I was postive, and he had HSV1, is it possible to have genital herpes from HSV1 although I haven't seen him with a cold sore? 5) I am able to have sex without a condom? or will I have to always use a condom just so my partner does contract genital herpes?

Its been about a week since I found out I have herpes. I have yet to get the blood work back to see if it is type 1 or 2. When I first went to the doctor and she said the word herpes, I don't remember much of anything after because I immediately started crying. And continued crying while we did a blood test and on the drive back to work (Where I couldn't stay because I was crying). From work I went to my boyfriend of 2 years and told him what the doctor had said. "It was most likely herpes." I cried and cried, He told me it would be okay nothing changes. But in my head everything was changing. Mostly how I viewed myself and how I pictured the future. I started thinking about if I didn't end up with him, I would have to tell my next partner and what if they weren't as accepting. I started thinking about how I wanted kids and how this could affect them. i told him how dirty and gross I felt. I told him I didn't want this. He had looked up statistics and tried to tell me facts thinking it would make me feel better and I ignored it. I wanted answers, I wanted to know who and why. And I wanted them now. I cried all day. And he rubbed my back all day while I cried. Then finally my pity party was over. I told myself life goes on and I needed to pick myself up and get over it. I went to the pharmacy and picked up my medication for the next 7 days to take three times a day. When I first told my boyfriend about the herpes scare, he went to his doctor to get his blood test done. The day after I found out, he received his blood work back that he had HSV 1 and he had no idea. Then I started to try and think this was my answer that clearly I had gotten it from him. This in a way made me feel better. I thought I didn't give it to him, he clearly gave it to me. Yeah that was it. I spent this past weekend looking at research and facts and myths about HSV 1 and HSV 2 and then found this forum and was pretty excited about it. And slowly I have become okay with the situation. Or at least I feel like I am okay with it. I read that it IS possible to get genital HSV 2 from HSV 1. I read it is possible to have sex without a condom. I read if you have HSV 2, it is unlikely to get HSV 1. I read when you go in for a STD check, you have to ask for to check to get checked for Herpes. I now have a list of questions I want answered instead of spending the day crying. I started my research and realized this is my life now. Its apart of it and that's okay. Throughout this situation I have a handful of things to be thankful for (if I can be thankful): - a boyfriend who is accepting of everything and willing to stay by my side through the tears and all -roommates who let my joke about having herpes to mask the pain of it all -a boss who lets me take a personal day when I come in bawling thinking my life is over. -my outbreak wasn't unbearable. no fever or flu like symptoms or sores. I guess now I just have the what ifs stuck in my head: what if: -what if I do have to tell another partner and they aren't accepting of this? -what if I I have another outbreak, and its worse way worse than the first? -what if people joke about herpes without knowing that I have? I guess overall I never in a million years I would think I would be here today. But after research and getting over the shock of it its a lot more common than I thought. I just like to read the success stories as I would call them, I know a lot of people aren't accepting of this but what it really comes down to, is its just a virus. Its just a virus and it doesn't define or change who I am.