I was tested 16 months ago and it was negative. I'm as sure as I'm breathing that she doesn't have it. This is where my thinking is evolving to:
The goal - keep my family
Option 1: Tell her tomorrow, calmly, openly and with the facts about my having H. Start by telling her that I have something important to share. Tell her that it's not clear how long I've had it or where I got it from. Tell her that I'm sure she has questions and I'm here to discuss everything. Provide her with all of the research documents I've gathered on transmission, outbreaks, dormancy, asymptomatic carriers, transmission reduction, etc. I believe she will respond at first with shock, then ask if I've had an affair and doubt my answer, then probably ask detailed questions about when/how I noticed. She has a degree in microbiology, by the way. Then she will think. She will doubt. She will weigh believing me and living with it together against breaking up our family. There's a significantly higher than zero percent chance (but I'd say less than 50%) we'll make it through the week. Rejection equals near instant loss of my family.
Option 2: Don't tell her. Stay on the anti-viral meds, use condoms, don't have sex during outbreaks, be thorough in my planning and secrecy. For the next 5 - 15 years, until she hits menopause it should be possible and the risk of transmission relatively low. I'm likely to keep my family for at least some if not all of that time. The downside of this plan is that if she does catch H or finds the anti-virals or goes on birth control (so why would we keep using condoms) or for any other reason finds out, then the odds of keeping my family fall significantly. It's also fundamentally dishonest and I think immoral to knowing expose the woman I chose to (hopefully) spend my life with to H without letting her chose. I'm not saying I've never been dishonest or immoral but this situation feels more weighty.
I compartmentalize and handle stress well generally - I run a company, do extreme sports, etc., but this situation has stressed me to the near breaking point. Yesterday, I gave one of my key managers a really difficult time, she was apparently in tears when she left the office. I don't think I'm coping well. All of this leads me inexorably towards Option 1, but the thought of 'the talk' fills me with a dread and fear I am unaccustomed to.
If any of you have advice or encouragement or caution to share, please reply. If i don't lose my nerve, my first disclosure happens in 32 hours.
Thanks.