Allyb1123

So the situation above that I wrote about didn't work out. So I decided to never let myself get to that point again. I did get the chance to tell someone tho recently and we weren't even in a situation that I really needed to. I just came out and said it with some pride and power. He said that's not a big deal and it's something that could be worked around. Now we haven't went out since then but I'm ok with that. I said it and I'm proud about it! If I never see him again that just means he wasn't the one for me.

I do care about this guy either way and I don't want to start any kind of relationship with lies. Thank you I will go into the situation with all the confidence I have!

Hi, this is my first post. I need some help and healing advice. I have been single for about 2 years now and the only dating I have done or the short lived 4 month relationship I had, have come from a H dating site. If I did get hit on by a guy outside of the site, I would give it a try and then push them away without any real reason other than I didn't want to have the talk, or feel the rejection. I met someone shortly after my ex and I broke up. We went out on a date and hung out a couple times, the min. he tried to have sex with me I shut him down and started pushing him away and finding all the wrong in everything he did. We stopped talking but stayed in contact, we worked together sometimes so we would run into each other from time to time. So fast forward almost 2 years later and we saw eachother several times in a row and decided to make an effort to keep in contact and see what happens. We decided to hang out and I told myself I was going to tell him tonight! Then we started drinking and i had one too many I guess or maybe I got scared or maybe I just didn't care at the time. So we had sex, we used protection but, now I don't know what to do. My first thought is to run away, to lie, to hide away and never talk to him or anyone ever again. I am so ashamed and I feel so terrible. My ex took my choice away from me and I can't believe I would do that to someone else and someone that I really do care about period! We are supposed to go to the lake next week and I really don't know what the hell to do. I already have suffered with severe depression and anxiety attacks from having this and the abuse from my ex. I'm not making that an excuse for my actions, I am really struggling and trying so hard to just be able to be honest with him and tell him that I made a huge mistake and how I regret it. I also am trying not to drown myself in my own feelings of worthless due to all of this! I could really use some help.......

My ex never disclosed that he had H to me. We were together for two years before he came to me and said he thinks he might have herpes. When we first started dating I told him I had been raped about 6 months prior and I got tested for everything because of that, about a month before I met him. I had been dating someone prior to the rape and we hooked up a few times before I met my ex, the situation was too much for him. So when I was with my ex for about 4 months he was always bringing up things about std's and said his best friend had H. I remember the feeling I had when he told me his friend had it and that he was out there having sex with women and not disclosing it with them. It was truly disgusting to me. Then here we were building our lives together and bam! He tells me that, at first he says you go get tested and hopefully you don't have it, when I came back positive his whole attitude changed he said I have it to him. Then it was well who knows which one gave it to who. But it always came back to me being the one. He knew my past and played it against me and I took it all and desperately tried to make it up to him for the next 3 years as my despise for him grew stronger. He started treating me like his own personal sex slave and I did it because I was already so beat down in life, I thought he was my only happiness, I was wiling to do whatever to make him happy and stay with me. I finally opened my eyes to everything and I left him. He screamed " you gave me herpes!!" I said how do I know you didn't give it to me mf! And he never mentioned it again. I have since spoken to the man I was with prior to him and he said neither him nor his now wife have anything. The whole point being he eithe cheated on me and got this or he had it the whole time and was on suppression therapy and it took two years for it to come out. I let the herpes be a death sentence, like well I guess I'm stuck with a man who treats me like crap! Now I'm trying to heal from all those things I haven't dealt with and its so hard. Single for the first time in 5 years with a std and baggage!! Winner winner right here! I'm trying to figure it out and I'm glad that there is a place like this I can learn and grow in myself and my knowledge of H. The hardest thing for me is the disclosure part. How do I tell someone!? I have went on some dates with people I have really felt a connection with, and I push them away the min sex is either brought up or I feel like I have to push them away because they don't deserve to have herpes. Is this a normal reaction? How to I help stop that train of thought?