prayerful

Niki, I am in the same boat. I have a post about my story if you want to read it. I just post it yesterday. I felt the same that I always dreamed of getting married and having a family. My faith is tested all the time and sometimes i'm not so strong. My faith is all I have now and maybe that was the purpose of this entire ordeal. Up until I saw this site I have been all alone to deal with this as I don't have a close friend I can confide in like that nor do I know anyone with the same situation so I can't confide in them. This is all I have.

Well, to start off i'm a 37 year old male. I have never been married and I do not have any kids. I contracted this disease in 2002. I remember the weekend like it was yesterday. I was set to go home one weekend (was in college at the time) and I had this feeling that I shouldn't go home. I sat my laundry basket down and looked at the door for about 30 seconds and decided why not. So I went home. I went out that night and ran into a girl I had dated about 2 years prior. I had left town for work during that time and then I returned for college and hadn't seen nor spoken to her since that time. I had really liked her before and I couldn't believe we saw each other again. We talk and then go our separate ways. I talk to her that next weekend and contemplated going to see her. Me and my friend are sitting there having a few beers and at around 2am we decide to head home. On the way home I get a flat. I can remember like yesterday. We tried to change it but it was too dang cold. I called her and told her what happened and she came to pick us up. I had a pack of condoms in my coat pocket because I knew how it used to be between us. I fell alseep until she got there and I guess when I reclined in my seat the condoms must have fallen out. We arrive at her place. I had been drinking that night and it was late so in the midst of messing around I search for the condoms and can't find them but upon laying back down I guess the drinking caught up and I passed out. The next morning I wasn't so lucky. I looked for the condoms again and after thinking over and over again, I convinced myself I could trust this person, after all I had known her for almost 4 years. We have sex and the rest is history. On my way home she pays for my tire (I guess she felt guilty). When i'm driving back to school I feel uneasy in my area and then the next morning in the shower while washing I feel a itching sensation and i look down and there it is. I tried to call her and tell her and at first it went to voicemail and then the number changed and I haven't seen or heard from her since. It almost seems like a Final Destination type scenario from me sitting at my door with my laundry basket to me getting a flat tire, my condoms falling out, me passing out, and then it finally happening. It has been hard because I can't confront or get closure from the person who infected me. I can't be mad at anyone besides myself and I have been strong about it until recently. Being 37 and always dreamed of being a father and having a family, it doesn't seem as if it would be possible anymore. The first person I was with afterwards and told about it accepted me but there was so much wrong with the relationship prior to that. I stayed because I knew I cared for her and knew I had something to tell her as well so I overlooked any wrong she did. After I told her I started feeling like I would be staying with her just because she accepted me. I wasn't a saint but about a month after I confided in her, we had an argument and she threw my condition in my face with no apologies. I went home and she said I treated her like crap and i'm thinking, you just threw something so personal in my face and told me it is over. I just felt that it wasn't worth it but now i'm in this situation of facing rejection the next time around or facing being single the rest of my life. That is my story.

I'm 37 and live in Texas. I was diagnosed in 2003. I have never been married and I don't have any kids and I wonder if it will happen. It would be nice to have someone to talk to that understands what it is like.

okay

Yeah, I know but it is still tough thinking that maybe it was me and I could have done something different. I guess also knowing that i'm back in the situation of having to face the rejection again. At 37, never married, no kids, it is just tough because I wanted all of those things. Thanks for the reassurance.

I was in the same boat thinking that God removed his protection from me. Despite many chances and warnings. If anything, this is just God bringing you back to where you were initially. It is to bring you back to Him and know that only He can provide what it is that you need. That is what I picked up from it. Whatever we were searching for, we were just wasting our time, and although unpleasant, this was His way of getting our attention. It could have been HIV but it wasn't. We have to be thankful for that.

Wow, I was wondering about things like that. I wanted to sue the person that gave it to me. What is ironic is that the person that gave it to me was from Portland, Oregon and when I opened the link and saw Portland, Oregon, it was crazy. Unfortunately the person that gave it to me changed their number and was no where to be found. Sucks but that is life.

I was in relationship that had many red flags but I overlooked them because I felt I had zero room to judge someone else for any flaw they had since I was diagnosed with H. Long story short, I told them about my situation. It was the first person I had talked to and told about it since having it. I guess you could say I batted 1.000. I didn't have to worry about being rejected. She was very calm and even unphased about it. However, one argument happened and it was thrown in my face. Before I had mentioned that to her, I had many things thrown in my face from time to time but for this to happen after I opened up to her kind of urked me. I left and went home and she proceeded to text saying I treated her like crap and i'm thinking, you just threw something very personal in my face. Now I feel like I should have just dealt with it because she accepted me and I wouldn't have to face a future rejection. Should I feel like I should have stayed because she accepted me? Is that a reason to overlook everything that anyone can do because I am flawed? That is how I feel.