JB33

Oh she told me the story. He knew and just didnt tell her. They were in a long term relationship and he was sleeping around.

I actually don't know exactly. I asked her and she said several years but that she hasnt really kept track. Theres something there I think she doesnt want to tell me quite yet. Shes not the kind of person who wouldnt know exactly. And yeah, Im with you there. Im not judging at all. I know at least for her, it wasnt her fault at all. She trusted someone who shouldnt have been trusted. Simple as that. I know Ive certainly done my fair share of that.

Im going to relate all these experiences about the meds to her. Im not sure where she picked the idea up from. We only discussed it very briefly. I like the idea of going to a doctor together. Not sure if she'll bite or not. But it sounds good on paper.

Yeah I ride a motorcycle too. Same logic really applies. When I was first learning I was terrified, and it occurred to me after a month of riding that if I was just going to be scared another driver was going to do something dumb and get me killed the whole time what was the point of doing it at all. Had to let the fear go and just be cautious and enjoy it. Same thing applies here 100%. I told her this morning Id been posting to a forum about it online and was trying to learn all I could, and shes glad that I am. I think next time we stay together, which is looking like its going to be next weekend, Ill approach the medication subject. Just waiting for the right moment. Shes totally cool about discussing all this stuff with me, and has made it absolutely clear that I can ask anything I want, but this whole thing has clearly also done some emotional damage, so Im trying to be sensitive to that. Every time I so much as moved during the night she reacted as though I were about to walk out on her. It was kind of breaking my heart that thats what life has taught her is going to happen. So Im just trying to approach the bigger stuff as gently as I can, while reassuring her that Im not going to walk because of it.

Yeah, I mean I'd definitely rather not have it. But the no sex for a while thing is kind of a non-issue now. Honestly Im not that worried about it.I thought I would be, but you're absolutely right. This is what Id be doing if it weren't an issue. Seems silly to let it stop me when theres so many more important factors between us that are completely right. So chips fall where they may I guess.

Honestly my big fear is that we're going to date for a while, Im going to contract it, then we're going to breakup, and Im going to be in the same situation she is. My solution thus far has kinda just been to hold off on the sex for a while to see if we really work together before taking the chance. But its getting harder and harder. Its clearly something we both want. To the point of needing a crowbar to prevent it from happening when we're together. So in other words that solution probably isnt going to be a viable one for very long.

Im in my early 30s, and she her late 20s. And yeah, condoms will definitely be a thing, and we've already discussed abstaining during outbreaks. She says she gets them once every month or 2 months. Which kinda sounds like a lot to me. Maybe because shes not using meds? I guess at the end of the day that is a pretty small risk percentage. Ive actually been thinking about making an appointment to get tested in light of all this. Just seems like the logical thing to do. I know she said she was just recently also. Its just a blood test right? That something I could do at a planned parenthood clinic? I know I was tested there for free for bloodborne stuff a couple years ago after a scare.

Wow. Doctors really tell people that? That kinda blows my mind. It honestly made me like her that much more that she disclosed. I think it speaks a lot to her character. And I know continuing to approach relationships that way has done some emotional damage for her. Shes terrified that Im just going to walk, she insists shes not, but its kind of obvious that she is, because I guess a lot of men have when shes told them. Yet she continues to do it. Thats a special kind of lady to care about other people like that even with the anxiety its clearly causing for her. As far as the meds, Im not sure specifically which meds she was talking about, as when we discussed all this I was trying to be as unobtrusive as I could, because it was clearly upsetting her, so I didn't want to push too hard too soon. I just let her tell me what she was going to tell me and we've just been discussing it in small bits since. But what she did say was she thought they could cause seizures, and she said something about cancer? I guess she knows someone who was on similar meds for something else and got some kind of kidney cancer. I could be wrong about that. Id just had the equivalent of a verbal 2x4 hit to the head myself. Hearing this woman I care so much about was bringing this to the table. So I dont know that I absorbed everything the way I may have in another kind of conversation. For the meds, is there anything I can be taking to help protect myself or does it not work that way? Im going to check out the informational stuff you linked me once I finish my coffee and my brain is awake enough to absorb heavy information. Thanks for the responses guys. This has been a really stressful thing. Weighing the value of a woman I really care about vs the fear of inviting a lifelong illness into my life. Its not an easy problem to have. From what Im hearing it doesnt seem like I need to be quite the stress factory that I have been about this though. So if nothing else thanks for that.

Hi, so pretty new to this whole thing. I guess I know about as much about it as the next guy who hasn't had to deal with it directly at all. Anyway, started dating a new girl a couple of weeks ago. Things have been going really well. Serious pretty fast for both of us. So she disclosed to me last week that she has HSV2. We havent slept together yet. Come pretty close a few times but shes gotten really insecure at the last minute and stopped it before its happened. I guess now I know why. I respect her like crazy for telling me like that. Im sure it wasnt easy, and also sure that not everyone who has it would tell someone new. So it's left me in a pretty weird position. Part of me feels like Id be crazy to pursue this relationship. I dont want herpes. I could easily just walk and it wouldn't be my problem at all. Shes continued to give me the option to do that with no hard feelings. Thing is, I dont think I want to. If this weren't an issue, pursuing a relationship with this girl would be one of the easiest decisions Ive ever had to make. I guess what I want to know is, hopefully from someone with some experience and some objectivity, is it crazy for me to think I could pursue a healthy sexual relationship with this girl and not catch herpes? What can I do to protect myself? Lastly, she's mentioned to me that shes not on any kind of medication for it. Shes said shes afraid of the side effects of the currently available meds. Now Ive read in the last few days that treatment with these meds lowers the chance of transmission when someone's not currently having an outbreak. I guess what Im wondering is if itd be appropriate for me to suggest to her that she pursue treatment? Itd certainly make me feel a bit more secure about the whole thing, but I recognize that her body and health isn't really about me. Any thoughts?