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I always come back to this post. I'm relatively new, too (June 2016). I've had successful disclosure conversations and have the best support system. But even so, sometimes I'm downtown or wherever and hear a herpes joke. When I speak up and say something, afterwards I feel as exhausted as if I'd ran a marathon. I turn to my mom. My best friends. Ella Dawson's blog. And this post. Thank you thank you thank you.

I'm sorry you still feel so down. This condition is not unlike any other reoccurring skin condition, it's just in a different, less convenient place. I promise, you will know when you find someone worth disclosing to. You will find people that care about YOU. You are not defined by this condition. Not even close. Are you I counseling? That really helped me a lot. I've educated my friends, my family, my partners. I feel like I've built my own army. Always remember you are worthy of happiness.

I found out I have GHSV1 in June of this year. When I was diagnosed, I felt like my world was crumbling beneath me- so cliche but so true. The day I got tested but hadn't gotten my results back yet, I called my most recent ex-boyfriend to tell him it was a very real possibility that I had herpes. He comforted me and told me everything would be okay. I didn't know at the time that this was my very first disclosure conversation. And it was a success. Even so, after I found out, I spent about three weeks crying and feeling sorry for myself. I spent a lot of time telling myself that I was worthless and disgusting. But then it happened- I got annoyed with my crying and my pessimism. I got pissed off that society was telling me I was unworthy of love and everything else I wanted out of life. And at the end of August, August 26th to be exact and I swear I'll never forget the day, the guy I've been spending the last year and some change with asked me why I'd been avoiding him. I told him- through text, which I don't necessarily recommend. I hit send and felt like vomiting. I waited for the dots on my iPhone to pop up, thinking, "he wouldn't leave me hanging like this...." And he didn't. He responded. And he said the best thing: "when I learn more about it, and you feel comfortable, I'm not opposed to this." I remember the first time I hugged him after those couple months, I remember thinking: this is something I never thought would happen again. Disclosure conversation #2: beautiful success. Today, almost four months after my diagnosis, I was upstairs in my best friend's apartment and an acquaintance of mine said (while watching a Chris Brown music video), "Rihanna gave him herpes." My stomach dropped. The conversation wasn't over and he went on to say, "so disgusting." All I could muster up was, "wow not cool guys, you shouldn't talk about herpes like that." His friend joined in and said," it's gross. You should tell people if you have that." Only a half true statement. My friends that know backed me up. My best friend jumped in with the facts I'd told her. The boys left and I felt the same way I did when I first found out. But it's not four months ago anymore. I'm stronger. Screw this stigma. Tonight I am sad. But tomorrow? I won't be.

I love this and read this when I'm feeling down. Thank you.

MMissouri: I hope I'm doing this right and I hope you see this! Your words truly are helpful... You didn't scare me off! Thank you for responding!!

I have GHSV-1 and I really feel like I can identify with a lot of what you said in your post. Right now I feel scared about everything! I can't offer you a lot of information at this stage, as I am new, too. But I can offer you support! Your questions about the triggers are what I identify most with... I feels like some giant game of trial and error. But I really feel like it's going to be okay. The first few weeks I had to give myself pep talks in the morning, "you're worthy, you're amazing, you will find someone that adores you no matter what." It helped. Doing things that I love helps. SunDevourer is right- you can do everything you did before.

I was recently diagnosed with genital HSV-1 (about a month ago). My family and my close friends are so supportive. I had a very close coworker disclose to me that she also has HSV- I call her my "work mom," because we work for child protective services and she has always looked out for me since I started there three years ago. She is in her fifties, happily married, has children, and her husband loves her so much. I am also in counseling. I have found this site both extremely informative and comforting, and has even helped the weight of the social stigma of herpes feel a *little* less. What I haven't been able to shake is the constant paranoia that every little feeling in my vaginal/anal area is the start of an outbreak. To clarify, herpes, for me, felt like a cut or tear in my perineum region. A few days later a few pimple looking pumps followed, and lastly there was one particular spot that did indeed look and feel like a cold sore. The outbreak lasted about 5 days, and then completely cleared up. Almost no scar left behind, no scabbing or crusting over. My doctor says I will start to know what the beginning stages of an outbreak feels like, but for now I feel like a human science fair project- just waiting to see what my triggers are, or waiting for my high stress job to suddenly send me over the edge. I don't know what's normal about my body anymore, and I think that's what scares me the most. I know herpes is unique for everyone, so I know no one can really offer me sound advice about what I can expect the beginning stages of an outbreak to feel like, but does anyone have some words of wisdom on this topic? I don't want to end up causing an outbreak because I'm so stressed about what could cause me an outbreak... Seems pretty annoyingly cyclical. I also want to add that I have reoccurring issues with an anal fissure that sometimes causing tearing. This never alarmed me in the past as I have been given cream for that issue, but now I feel like I can't tell the difference between that and herpes. I just feel so overwhelmed. It's like I don't trust my body or my mind to understand each other anymore.