Leep

Hello. I contracted the Big H from my ex husband. He knew he had it but never disclosed it to me. I was a virgin when we got married. A couple months later I experienced a lot of itching on my left hand, and a sore appeared. I thought it was an insect bite. I went to the doctor and he did a swab test of it. I got the call that change my life forever, I had contracted HSV-1 and HSV-2. I never had cuts on my hand but some how I was able to get it. I never performed oral on him but did put my hand on him. So it is very possible to get it on your hand. I am now remarried and we've been together for 13 years. He has not contracted the Big H thank goodness. If I feel anything we abstain from having any type of contact. So far this has worked for us.

@hippyherpy I think you may be right. I approached him and asked if we could talk soon. He had a look on his face like now what are you going to talk to me about. Later I text him and let him know it was nothing bad at all. His reply was "you know I'm always here to chat". But today he's not really receptive to me. I have the feeling I've been written off at this point. It's a hard pill to swallow for sure. I never wanted to lose his friendship it was worth more than anything. But I guess if it was true friendship I wouldn't be losing it.

@JJJ2015 thank you so much for this, I may just try that. I know the news was a shock to him and maybe just maybe he does need time to process things. Also I know when I started doing my research it was terrifying what I saw. The pictures you find on the Internet are enough to deter anyone. I want to give him facts and research studies that were done along with the stats. The handout paints a more positive picture about the big H. He told me up front he's never had experience with it and didn't know anything about it. His abstinence reaction could very well be fear based of not knowing. I just want to know in my heart I've done everything I could so I have no "I should have done that or this". He did tell me has more respect for me because I did tell him. That's a start I guess. I need to find a way of reopening the conversation in a positive tone.

We work together and today was the first day back to work after I disclosed. It's very awkward. Normally we talk, laugh etc. but today there's none of that. We had awesome chemistry, the best chemistry either of us has ever had. Now it's like I'm the most unattractive/undesirable person on earth. He's moved on and I can't do anything about it. And now I don't know how to get over him, unfortunately I fell in love with him. And of course now I can't share that with him.

The majority of past partners (not an extensive number lol) were ok with it. There's only been one or two, well now about three that weren't ok with it. Disclosing is by far the most terrifying thing for me. I'm opening myself up to being hurt. In this recent case it's torn me apart. I literally cry just about every day now. I feel a big loss from it. But I've found if people are educated about it then it tends to be a non issue. I totally butchered disclosing it to my friend last week and now he's pulled away. Wish I wouldve done it differently. I still want to give him the Disclosure PDF from this site put don't want to push it after he said "it is what it is and have to move on". Im at a loss.

Thank you all for everything. We usually contact each other on a daily basis. I think I'm going to lay low for a while, if I'm important enough something will give. I really hate games. Lol.

@hippyherpy. I'm on valtrex and to my knowledge I've never passed H onto any of my partners. I provide full disclosure of what I have since that choice was taken away from me when my ex husband didn't tell me he had it. For the most part potential partners have been ok with it and wasn't a big deal. I guess I don't want to come across pushy and drive him away with bringing up the issue again after he made a decision. @katidid thank you for your advice, he is a very important person to me. I think more than he will know. Why is the crap so hard. Lol

'To add I don't ever want to lose him as a friend. Thst is more important to me than anything. I want to make sure that if I do contact him to show the research it's not being pushy so that it pushes him away. It's a fine line I think. I don't know what to do. And thank you to everyone for being patient with me and my posts.

@chargeit2thagame him and I have been friends for years. We were going taking it to the next level. After disclosing he didn't contact me for a couple of days. When he finally did he said that abstinence is the reaction. So basically we are no longer taking the relationship to the next level. We went out to dinner on Friday and he basically acted like I was contagious. When we went to say good night he gave me a hug, acted like he was going to kiss me but stopped. Truthfully I don't think he did any research, he's got the stereotypical thought of what H is. I found this site and the information it contained. I want to give him the information so he can be more educated and May that would make a difference in the relationship. But I don't want to keep pushing the issue. But if it's ok to bring it up again I want to. And thank you for your advice. This whole ordeal is tearing me up. I deeply care for him since I've known him for so long. He's a great guy but just wish we could get past this.

@hippyherpy can you please give a mans perspective on my dilemma? I want to give more informational to someone I'm seeing after I disclosed the big H last weekend. Maybe you could read my posts here and give your man opinion. Thanks in advance.

Katidid Thank you so much for the advice. So even though it seems he's made up his mind on the issue, it wouldn't be considered pushy to bring it up again? the information may not change the situation but I don't want to feel like I could've done better. Or the way I disclosed turned him off. Wish this was easier. Lol

Katidid, no he does not have the information. It wasn't until after I told him that I found this website and downloaded the information. He did not mention nor did I ask what research he's done. I want to share this new information but afraid it will be pushing the issue. In my little pea brain if he had this new info it may change things.

Hi there again. I would like some advice. As I posted the guy I've been involved with said abstinence is the answer I was finally able to download the brochures showing the statistics. He has not brought up the big H conversation again. I want to give him the new information I found to maybe help relieve his fears. I was told don't speak to him about it anymore otherwise I will come across as pushing the issue. Should I try bringing it up again or leave it as is and move on? We went out to dinner last night. He went to lean in and give me a kiss but pulled back. I only have genital H and have never been exposed to cold sores or oral. So in other words there's no chance I have it on my lips. I want to let him know it's ok to kiss me. I didn't go into specifics when I disclosed the big H to him. I feel I totally butchered telling him. What should I do at this point? Try and reopen the conversation and risk pushing him away or walk away? Thanks in advance.

Thank you. I've contacted him, just waiting on a response

I've tried several times to download but it's not working

Where can I go to find statistics and information I can give someone I just told I have the big H? His reaction is abstinence and doesn't want to go any further. How can I relieve his fears? I want to provide him with a brochure or something showing precautions we can take and how effective they are. Any help with be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for that. Can't lie, been struggling for years with my own worth. I'm glad I found this site. Thank you again.

Sassy thank you for telling me your story, I appreciate it. It never gets easier. He told me if anything he respects me more but we need to just be friends. Never thought of H as a wingman to weed out who's worth it or not, definitely a different perspective. One guy called me evil, a whore, etc. mind you I was a virgin when I got married, so the first time having sex I got it. Wish they would find a cure. I want to know what it's like to not have to tell partners what I have. Never got to the chance to not have to tell anyone. Esteem definitely takes a huge hit.

I'm having an extremely down day today. Been involved with a great guy at work. Chemistry is awesome. Well this weekend things went further than I had planned before I could tell him about the big H. No sex but close. The next day I had the discussion with him. He told me he needed time to think about it. I had a completely melt down today. Then he just told me abstinence is the best thing. Tears me up. All because my ex husband wasn't truthful with me. We could've taken precautions to protect me. I hate the rejection, never gets easier.