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@November0001 I'm sorry that sounds difficult. I can relate to the fear of having to disclose but I have been watching helpful videos, some by Ella Dawson, she has an awesome Ted talk! I think the pressure before the disclosure is often more intense than the result of disclosingso I wish you luck! I am working a lot on self love and gratitude, but some days are just very depressing. Definitely keep me updated! @SunDevourer haha!! I'm going to a concert this week and will dance away some stress!!!

@Sassy2543 I hope it goes well for you!! Yes I'm trying to restore my faith in humanity. I feel a little better and plan on focusing on what inspires me instead of what brings me down. This forum adds a lot of support that I have been missing.

@SunDevourer- thank you for that, Alanis does have the ability to help release feelings :) I think I was feeling a little more freaked out because a guy I went on a date with said he doesn't date women with children, which I understand, but than I was thinking that's not even the tough part of my life. I really appreciate your advice, to start enjoying the things I love, which are things that tend to be put on hold when stressed out. So I'm going to focus on those things, my son, building my career, and the works. Although some days I know I will just end up crying and wondering why the things that happen, happen. @chargeit2thagame- lol!!! Thank you that makes me feel a little less guilty about my wreckless behavior. I agree I'm learning more about taking charge of my own health. It's hard to trust people and like I learned even after knowing someone for a long time they can surprise you. I do my best to believe that only hurt, scared people hurt others. So, I'm doing my best to empower myself, take charge and build up my self esteem so I don't feed into that fear that leads to behavior that isn't healthy for me. Haha yes music therapy "sounds good", no pun intended. Ok, it was intended. I like Alanis and I love Bob Marley so I'll have to mix it up with both and throw in some EDM lol Thanks again for your responses! It really lifted my spirit. D

I was in a three year relationship when I had my first outbreak. I was shocked as I had been in a long term relationship and couldn't understand how this could happen. Turns out my ex knew he had herpes but did not disclose to me. My first outbreak occurred after I had a Brazilian wax, which I guess made me more susceptible. It was on Valentine's Day as well, fantastic. I stayed with my ex in an unhealthy relationship because I felt hopeless. It allowed me to push the diagnosis to the back burner which of course only worked for so long. Now that we have separated I feel like I have been newly diagnosed. I am dealing with all of the feelings I tried to ignore. I don't think I have ever been this depressed in my life. I plan on taking time alone and out of relationships as I am waiting to have a full physical exam in August. My focus is my healthy and my relationship with my son. However, doubts of meeting someone who will see the real me are prevalent. It's already hard to meet people as a single mother and now this. I don't have any close friends to talk to. One friend I discussed this with, gave me the advice that I don't have to tell people/everyone but I don't want to perpetuate the shame I already feel. I also feel guilty because out of a negative/hopeless/reckless/shameful place I drank to much and had a one night stand w a stranger. No outbreak, and used protection but as I read more I understand this doesn't fully prevent passing it on. I've only had one outbreak which makes the concept of this disease even more difficult to grasp. I feel like such a horrible person that it why I will stay celibate and focus on my self until I can get my self-esteem, physical and emotional health up. I know I probably sound very negative and I'm sorry. I've been holding all of this in for months. Thanks you for listening. D