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Turquoise621

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Turquoise621 last won the day on July 28 2018

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  1. So many hugs to you. What a tough place. I think a very good place to start is letting go of your anger towards him. He may not have known he had it since it isn't routinely tested for in STD tests. Herpes is also a strange virus in that it can lie dormant for years and years, then all of a sudden, boom. Herpes is so so common. Start reading the positive stories on this site from people. Focus on things you love about yourself. You are so much more than a virus. Start turning all that anger into energy spent loving yourself. You can't change the fact that you have it. You just have to move on. The guy isn't worth any more of your pain. Love yourself. You are the same person you have always been. You are worthy.
  2. @gimmehope,@sweetsoulxo don't you all feel that it should ultimately be up to them whether or not they want to use condoms? I guess to me, your insistence on them using condoms despite them not wanting to is taking away their choice in much the same way yours was taken away when it came to contracting hsv. It seems pretty unfair to insist upon something they don't want provided they are completely educated and have thought through the risks. How they would feel if they caught it? Having to disclose in future relationships should things not work out? If you all are discordant oral hsv1 couples, are you insisting on not kissing either? Please know I am not attacking either one of you. I merely want you to give your partners the choices you all were not. Maybe read about other discordant couples who have rich fulfilling sex lives without condoms for some reassurance.
  3. I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Kudos on reaching out. This is a great community. Please know you don't have a doomed love life. There are many of us who have rich sex lives in both casual and serious relationships. I can honestly tell you that I have been with numerous men who didn't care in the least, including my current lover who has accepted he may get it one day. Read through the disclosure success stories. That was one of the best things I did for myself back when I was diagnosed. I hope your eye heals fully. Hopefully someone here has more advice on that. We are all here for you though. Just remember, you are still you! You are worthy!
  4. @sweetsoulxo, glad I could help a bit. I have been following some of your posts. I hope you get through the darkness soon.
  5. @sadie, it sounds like he hasn't actually told you he doesn't want you anymore. It seems you are making a lot of assumptions. If you go back to some of my first posts, I told a guy I was into and had already been with. He took 3 weeks then was back. We didn't end up together, but it had nothing to do with herpes. And I am here to tell you, you are not this disease and you are that sexual being and wonderful woman! If he comes back that he can't accept it, then he didn't deserve you. You say you would accept and love someone else with it, but you don't think you deserve the same acceptance and love? I know this hurts right now especially with your history. But please know you are worthy! In fact, if you haven't already, please go read my latest post, "you are worthy." Print it out and tape it to your mirror, carry it in your purse. Say it out loud to yourself even though you may feel ridiculous. Your brain will start to believe it. Don't give up. You are not tarnished. You are still you and you ARE worthy of love and happiness.
  6. I haven't been as active here, but I come from time to time and am continually disheartened by how many feel like now that they have herpes, they are worthless. So I am doing a PSA here: You are the same person you were before you had herpes You were worthy of love and sexual satisfaction then and you are worthy now You are strong, it takes strength to live your life despite the stigma, but again you are a valuable human being You are NOT this disease, you are a person made up of many parts, do not allow yourself to be reduced to a petri dish If a person reduces you to a petri dish, they don't deserve you, to love you is to accept all of you You deserve happiness, don't stay in a bad situation because you think no one can love you or want you To someone, probably many someone's, you are worth the risk Previous statement is so important, I am writing it again: To someone, probably many someone's you are worth the risk You are fine You are fine You are fine And you are worthy To someone, probably many someone's, you ARE worth the risk
  7. I actually posted this same question recently as well. My initial outbreak was 2 small blisters that didn't resemble the pictures I had seen. They were never swabbed, but my igg came back positive. I have never had another outbreak and this occurred this past July. I don't even think about it really.
  8. Welcome! Good for you for making a hard choice to end your marriage for a better future. The first thing I want to say is to put all notions that you can't have a fulfilling sex life out of your mind. There are plenty of men including herpes negative men that are completely ok with the risk. I was diagnosed about 8months after my separation and have had numerous partners that did not have a problem with it. I actually don't know for sure who I got it from, and really it doesn't matter. I'm still me. I would encourage you to find out what type you have via igg blood test so you can fully understand what you are dealing with. Read over the educational materials on this site. Read the success stories and start telling yourself you are worth the risk. To someone, you are worth the risk. I hope you won't feel the need to marginalize yourself by only dating herpes positive men, but I can understand if that is easier to do at the moment. Just dip your toes into the dating pool. You don't have to share your status until you are ready. Good luck and we are here when you need us!
  9. @tina94. That is an extremely good point. Sometimes I feel like the focus is far too much on the minimal risks and that people don't stop to consider how they would feel if they did contract it. That's what was important to me for my lover to consider. When he told me he had pretty much accepted he would likely get it if we ended up together and was fine with it, I knew he truly understood and looked beyond the virus.
  10. @gimmehope I have had absolutely zero issues with my partners and not using condoms. Even some of my more casual partners did not want to. With my current lover, we are monogamous and he chooses not to use condoms and never has with me. He is negative and has said that he is perfectly ok with the risk. After we had sex, I asked him if he considered how he would feel if he got it and he is fine with it. While monogamous now, I tend to be quite promiscuous when not in a relationship. I always disclose and only one person has had an issue with it. Honestly, once I disclose, I don't stress about transmitting it. I figure I have given them all the info and they are making an informed decision. It has zero impact on my life and most men see that. I am also not on suppressive therapy since I have only had one recognizable ob since diagnosed in July of last year. Feel free to ask me any further questions as I have had a fair number of disclosures.
  11. Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV 1 & HSV 2 last July via Igg blood test (1.2 and 4.05 respectively) following 2 suspicious bumps that were never swabbed. Despite several circumstances where I was extremely stressed and even an incident where I was severely ill for 2 months following a staph infection that necessitated a week-long stay in the hospital with a subsequent PICC line for 2 weeks, I have never had another outbreak. Is this a common thing? I know there are people who never have symptoms, but I haven't read too many with only one outbreak ever. My first outbreak, if it was indeed an outbreak was extremely mild compared to what other people have experienced. Just 2 painful blisters that disappeared after a week, never opened or scabbed over, just disappeared. I am certainly not complaining as this doesn't impact my life at all and I always disclose, but would love to hear if anyone else has had this experience.
  12. @startingover37 I am not sure if you already told him, but I was in a somewhat similar situation as you although my friend and I are not together. That is unrelated to the herpes and more to do with us. It was extremely hard to tell him. I actually wrote down what I wanted to say. I didn't take a nonchalant approach because in our situation, it wasn't appropriate. I actually did end up breaking down on the phone, and I am naturally quite a stoic person. I told him how much I cared for him and how hard this was for me to tell him (we don't talk about our feelings, so this was also a sign to him something was up). I explained a few months after hhim and I were together, I was with someone else, that I went for testing and everything came back negative except HSV 2, which is the virus for type 2 genital herpes. I was relatively sure I got it from the guy I was recently with due to the timing of my outbreak (I only got 1 bump which was very mild), but that I couldn't be sure, and wanted him to know. He freaked out a bit because he was sort of unfamiliar with it and because of my reaction, but he was not at all cruel and reassured me I did the right thing. We got off the phone and I messaged him, sent him a few links on accurate testing, then I backed off completely, sure he would never want to speak to me again. It is so hard processing your own diagnosis, but having to disclose right away to someone you care about. You can read about my experience and the update here. https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8035/just-found-out-i-have-herpes-and-botched-the-notification-for-someone-i-care-about#latest https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8146/update-from-botched-disclosure-following-diagnosis#latest Please feel free to reach out with any questions you might have. You are not alone. Good luck! Hugs to you. I am also linking to a poem I wrote shortly after my diagnosis https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8038/poem-i-wrote-we-are-all-fine#latest
  13. I originally posted about a week after finding out and my experiences with disclosing/notifying previous partners at the same time in this thread: https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8035/just-found-out-i-have-herpes-and-botched-the-notification-for-someone-i-care-about#latest Wanted to post a quick update that I backed off completely and gave him space knowing he was under massive stress at work. 3 weeks later he sent me a song. We aren't really the types to be open about our feelings, but we texted all night that night. I haven't seen him, but we are communicating again. I don't know what will happen as we both have a lot on our plates and a lot to deal with, but the herpes hasn't seemed to be an issue so far. I imagine he went and educated himself because he never asked me anything further. I wouldn't quite call it a success story, but it is certainly a step in a positive direction after the worst year of my life. Lost my mom and dog 2 months ago. Hoping this is the start of a turn around to my year. Thank you everyone for the support.
  14. @Arty, my heart is breaking for you. I was very recently diagnosed and had to disclose to someone I really liked, although we were not in a relationship, we had been intimate. It was so hard, and although he was kind, I have not heard from him. I cried for 2 days after I was diagnosed and was convinced no one could ever love me. I read positive stories every day and give myself pep talks often. I am still the same kickass person I have always been. I hope you can see your value and stop waiting on this man. Go and live your life. I promise you there are accepting people. I have been fairly open about my diagnosis and I have been pleasantly surprised by the support I have encountered, and ftr I do not have any idea who gave it to me. I got it because I am a grown woman that enjoys having sex. I refuse to be ashamed. I posted a poem a week or so ago titled "I am fine." I hope you read it and draw some empowerment from it because as a person, you are fine! When you start to feel down on yourself, look in the mirror and say "I am worthy. I am worth the risk. To someone, I am worth the risk." You deserve to be with someone who has not reduced you to a walking infectious disease and that is what your boyfriend is doing. You deserve love and companionship. You are worth the risk.
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