wednesday

@ladybug5 your "how did I let this happen"? comment really hit home. I've felt like I really let my body and self down. Like I should have prevented this somehow. And I can certainly also relate to the damper it puts on the sex life. I want to be intimate with others but I also don't want to disclose about my condition. I just feel like I'm not going to find someone that will actually want me once they find out. I'm trying to be positive and I've found that it helps a lot. So much of this really just is in the mind, and from what I've read around on here people have had pretty positive experiences when it came to dating. Think about - so many people have herpes, it would be impossible for all of them to be single. There'd be no one to date.

@optimist thank you for talking to me privately again!! Anyone else available to talk or give me a little motivation right now? I don't know if I'm just being paranoid but I've been having some tingling/cramps in my feet and I'm so scared I'm about to have an outbreak. Is there something I can do to help stop it if I am?

Hi! I'm a 23 year old female, and fairly new to this website. First off, thank you for even opening this thread and caring to read about my new experience with genital herpes. In April, I went to my doc for a routine check up and she suggested I get a pap done. STIs weren't really something on my radar despite the fact that I had contracted HPV previously from an ex. I was certain that I didn't have anything new but since I had slept with a few people since ending things with said ex (found out they had been cheating) I wanted a clean bill of health. About two weeks later I got a call back saying I tested positive for Herpes. I will never forget that day; it forever changed me. I was months ago and I swear it still feels like I found out yesterday. I can't begin to describe all of the different emotions that I felt (and still feel every day), and the range in which I felt them, but for months I was sure that I was stuck in my own personal hell. I'm not one to sleep around, but I am a sexual person, so the news not only made me feel as if sex was over for me, but also like I would never be found sexy again. I still feel that way a lot. For the first few weeks I would try to do research to educate myself and move forward, but after a few minutes of reading I would have to put my phone/laptop down because I would be on the verge of a panic attack/breakdown. I was in denial and full of depression. My first (and only) outbreak came soon after learning that I had herpes. Looking back now, I'm sure it was the stress and shock of learning the news that triggered it. I thankfully had very mild symptoms (a sore that looked more like a bug bite that lasted about a week) and a BIG side of depression. I read though that the first outbreak is often the worst, and mine was about 3 months ago now, so that's been comforting. I have a pretty healthy immune system. This last week - even the last few days - have been huge for me in facing this diagnosis. After reading a lot on here and educating myself, I've realized that really this is mostly emotional. I've realized I'm not alone and I'm not the damaged goods that I thought I was. I have hope again. Today, for the first time, I felt okay with my herpes and not defined by it. I finally got the courage to tell an old friend today and write about it on here. Two things I thought I'd never do (as of a week ago I was prepared to die with this secret- dramatic right?) I'm still emotionally drained and full of questions though. Specially about what this will look like when I find someone that I'm serious about, or if there are certain things I should be taking. I also have so many questions about having sex with people and not passing it to them. There's a lot on my mind and really, I'd just like someone to talk to. I've pushed people away because of my herpes, and I'd like to no longer lose possible relationships because I'm scared of how they may react. But at the same time I don't even know if I'm emotionally ready, when I feel like I'm trying to find self love and confidence for myself all over again? I'd like to not feel as alone and like it will all be okay, so any comforting words would mean the world to me.

I'm in my early 20s and was diagnosed about 4 months ago. Emotionally, I'm really struggling to come to terms with my diagnosis while also educating myself. I haven't told any friends or family, and I guess I'm now finally getting to a point where I'm not in denial, and would like to just learn more about what I'm going to have to live with. Im a female, but I'm open to either male or female buddy. I live in Florida and would love to be able to talk on the phone/skype/text or even meet up, but it's fine if you don't live near me. Thank you!