Faithwhope

Oh wow. I'm sorry you're going through some crazy shit! I recommend seeing a therapist ASAP. Try to calm down and maybe ask for Xanax from your doctor to help you cope through this period... Also, the problem is we really don't know who and when we got this shit. We may have had it all our lives (few years back), but never had an outbreak until you got super anxious. And or you were mis diagnosed few times... and something emotional triggered it such as losing a FREIND or the anxiety of getting std s. Anyhow, this is the problem we face ::: who, how and when did we get it? The reality is that it really doesn't matter. Why ? Because what sucks is that we have it. And there is nothing we can do to change the fact... We have something we don't want. Even if really knew where it came from it wouldn't change the problem. I was where you are many many times many many years and sometimes even to this day. The conclusion I come to is that I don't know 100%. And I should let it go. But I do know 99.99% who I think it was because she did a lot of shady things when she got into drugs while she went to school to become a fucking Doctor. Yes a doctor. So remember just because someone is a doctor and or some high professional asshole doesn't mean you can trust them.. Let this be a lesson for everyone! Stop beating yourself up for it... We fucked up and made mistakes along the way by trusting someone and also by taking risks because we got horny or because we were hurting emotionally and at that moment Wanted to replace the pain with faulty companions in our lives. If you feel in your gut something is false with this guy, then you may be right. However since you're emotional. This is not a good time to make any decisions. So calm down and go to a therapist. And also I think it's weird the guy says you gave him H, instead of being hurt and shocked and upset, he fucking wants to do Anal? What the f. Is wrong with this guy. To me that's some shady stuff, Red flag! For now stay away from him until you calm down. Good luck.

I appreciate your response. As for disclosing: Both times I disclosed before intimacy. With the first boyfriend, he didn't care about it at all. We broke it off for other reasons. With the second man, we had the discussion three dates in. He brought it up because he has HSV 1. He was shocked to learn that I have HSV2 mainly because other than a long term marriage, I have only had three partners. One being the H2 carrier who did not report his status to me.... The second man made the decision that he could not Handle my diagnosis, but we are still friends to this day. It is sad for me because I have never met a man that has more similarities in life to me than him. But honestly, I can't say that I blame him for passing. If given the choice, I would have passed on the careless man who exposed me to this virus. None of us want this for ourselves and I really really wish there was a cure too, but I am also wanting to live everyday to the fullest potential and not focus on this one part of me. I am sorry that you did love her. It really sucks that she only gave you conditional love. I guess this is why I disclose if it looks like the person wants to get intimate and have a relationship. It is easier to not have the emotional and intimate connection fully developed before you tell someone about this. I do hurt for your heart and Hope you start to feel better with time and healing. I agree that in true love it doesn't matter. Somewhere out there their is someone that is our Ying to our yang.... Be as emotional as you need to be to heal. Just don't date until your heart is healed from this blow.... get even again..... Ps: With each person I date and/or talk to I have learned so much about myself, who I am and who I want to be as a successful person. Each man has been a part of my growth as a better person..... Let this woman be the same for you.... Oh wow! You poor thing. We all have been through some crap. We all trusted someone and got hurt from it. I'm truly sorry for your pain! This is an extremely complicated, difficult and mind boggling situation for us all. what sucks for both of us is that we Lost someone who actually meant something to us because they couldn't accept it! I understand exactly how you feel! This really sucks. But you're right we have to try not let it bother us and live our lives daily to the fullest. Even though at times we have our downs, we must focus on all the good things and positives we have. Someone told me once It can be much worse... We need to try and look at positive side of this... Perhaps maybe this is one way to know the person you're with Truly Loves you unconditionally after you get to know that person and prior to intamacy. This shall be our Goal in Life - finding our Real True Love. I believe True Love heals everything. Thanks for your response

Yes you're correct it is something that one must be mentally prepared for. Even though I was nervous telling her about it and I knew the possibility of rejection deep down I was hoping to have a positive supporting response. I regret and understand that I did make some mistakes with the timing and the process of opening up and I have to learn from my mistake. I am human and I'm not perfect. I really don't want to cause her or anyone else out there such a pain especially without choice. Of course I'm Not at liberty to make such a decision for anyone, but Deep down I believe REAL LOVE would TRULY look pass that. There are so many angles one can look at this. For sure one way to see it is she Truly Didn't Love me and that is Clear for me now. It sucks to find out when you a man or woman sees that type of reaction from your partner (meaning that when the REAL TRUTH COMES OUT). It's a good test to really see if that other person REALLY LOVES YOU. We are talking about TRUE LOVE. Where one is willing to sacrifice themselves for the other person because; they are so much in love they can't live without that person... In this case this wasn't True love. Yes I understand she was Not mentally prepared but in my situation I know she didn't TRULY LOVE ME! Of course I'm emotional. For one I hate having this as we all are on this site... And none of us has really truly has gotten over it, most of has managed to try to look passed it because we have no other choice as it truly sucks. Now the Real question is when do you really tell someone. After 2-3 months of dating? Is that really enough time for someone else to make such a decision? How would I or even the peson who doesn't have it can make such a decesion that... he or she will be my partner for the REST OF MY LIFE.? and if you don't have sex with them wouldn't they think hey there is something wrong with this woman or man? Also, a relationship consists of many things to bring it all of it together to work. One of those things is Intimacy...Therefore, not only dating alone is complicated, dealing with the physical and emotional response to this H is difficult, but even more Chosing the right TIME AND THE RESPONSE is the MOST DIFFICULT thing to figure out. I'm not a f. Asshole and or a piece of shit where I would ever want to put someone in a position to have chose to be with me by force or pushing them in the corner where they have No choice... As some people do and others who have fucked us over by putting most of us in this position. I was responsible and managed to protect her the entire and fortunately I did it right. If the entire world had the same condition then there would be no issue other physical issue. Cause we would deal with it like the rest and it would be publicly discussed like a simple headache But that's not the case! Which is why I Truly wished there was a damn Cure! again sadly there is no cure and according to you not even for next 10 years or more! Because of this I have spend days hours suffering thinking researching depressed anxiety instead of focusing on improving, being happy, growing and succeeding in life...I'm sure just many others I have gone to therapy 14 years ago and the therapies was truly great and helped me back then a lot. I accepted it then and wasn't happy but calmed down to best I could. I'm also going to theapy now mostly because of her response to get over her... In my opinion True love is the only emotional treatment to this dam issue! Of course we have medicine too, I know that. I'm NOT NEEDY, but yes I may have acted somewhat needy, however that depends on who and how one perceives it. I am emotional and I was truly hurt. Because I loved her, she was my BEST FREIND, MY BUDDY, I enjoyed her company. She meant a lot to me as an individual. I was also very special to her too..I lost that special feeling , that special someone who made me feel warm and special/made me smile in my Heart, Soul, mind , body, etc... If I didn't feel this way then I'm Not human and as special as I Truly am... So it's not neediness or weakness,miss called LOVE Let's not misunderstand what I say next... Not to mention you don't Reject someone because he/she has a problem that may cause one for you too. In reality if you TRULY LOVE someone you want to be there for them and as a matter fact you want to also catch it because you love that individual SO MUCH you want to be in the same boat as they are! That's True love. Although she has to say that by choice not by force like my other girlfriend actually said to me. But this girl She didn't. I regret losing the first girl and I kind of did because of this girl. I'm not saying she had, no way, I'm just saying Damn she truly disappointed me, I thought as she said she truly loved my and that was LIE. IT was bull shit and I feel stupid to have loved her the way I did.. I opened up to someone who not only shattered my Heart but also made me feel stupid for have loved her when she wasn't truly in love with me... I tried to put more into it than she did, that hurts. Let's not forget she had hpv and I didn't even Blink once. Of course I didn't like it, but I didn't even think for a minute that I shouldn't be with her... For sure I would not like it, but truly loving her didn't matter to me. I preferred to still be with her because of love than letting her go because of it. And believe me she wasn't not perfect nor am I. She had other issues too that are way more problematic in life, I looked passed all that, not because of weakness But because of Love I looked passed all that! I thank you for our response and I did learn a few things about myself and how to learn to deal with things overall going forward. I posted all this for people to learn, share and also get stuff off their chest and help each other... Love for the world HopeWfaith or FaithWhope :)

3. So I finally went back met with her parents again and again they didn't accept me. She told me look don't worry about them. We gonna be ok. And she kept fighting with them for me and would never give up... I was convinced she truly loved me! I was there for 3 weeks. Before I came back to are pack and move back to the state... We went and saw apartments together and started thinking about how to go about things. We even saw rings together and she showed me the style she liked and even a wedding dress! I also went and got a complete blood test done to make sure where I was at... One Day, the first week we had gone to the pool. we had sex without protection She called me from work and said She started having pain down there, I was surprised and though oh my god! That's when we started talking in depth about everything. I told her I thought you already had it... She said yes but never felt burning and pain like this! I told her well herpes for woman I don't know. But when I am about to have an outbreak it feels Not comfy down there... She replied what herpes. I thought you said you have hpv, I told her I have herpes, Is that not the same thing? She said no. That's something different. I told her wait a minute. I just did the test. I don't have anything else and I never had anything else expect H So she went to the doctor and did a test, she was told it was Not the H It is a YEAST Infection.. And once she takes medicine she would be ok... At that point I was shocked and she was also. I still loved her and Not even for a second I cared about the HPV since I really loved her and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life... She told me look I didn't tell you cause I though I got it from you and since you were leaving I didn't see a point in telling you. I told her look you see how I felt by keeping it from you, you did the same exact thing! With all that being said I don't have HPV, never have but I'm ok with your situation without even reading about it... She told she is ok with me too and even though it sucks since she has feelings for me, she is supportive. Wow went through some emotional roller coaster not to mention I went to her parents again for a second time and I still got a negative response, but bette than the last time, at least that was better... Before I left to go back to repackage and move back to the state she stopped kissing me ad. Told me not to have un protected sex until we figure out how to manage our situation which actually hurt me. So I went back and the plan was that I pack and move within 3 weeks First week she called and FaceTime me regularly 2nd week she started being distant and talked much less! And started arguing with me and making weird excuses over b s At one point she told me her parents forced her to go on a date and she was sorry she lied to me! I started to lose feelings for her and wasn't sure exactly why she was behaving that way! Was it her family or my financial situation being what her family was concerned mostly about and me resettling back in the state?,! So one day we talked on FaceTime and she saw my face and later told me I'm so sorry for making you feel bad, it's my family and friends. They're not cool with you and it's making me feel and act badly towards you. You're a great person I love you, I miss you. I miss you. Just come back here. Sorry I've been acting bad, you don't deserve it! I felt sick in my stomach. I was so hurt but at the same time happy that was still sticking by side. The next day she messaged me, look all the challenges in life that we have we gotta be there for each other and support one another That made me feel better Later in the day, we talked on the phone and she told me Come back and we will figure everything out. I'm just a little stressed over everything.... I told her don't worry we gonna be ok. I love you...(we talked from 8-10pm) At 11 pm all of sudden the she text me Saying I have been crying every night! I called her right away. I asked her what's the matter Why are you crying and how come you didn't talk to me? She started telling me why... She said look I love you and you mean a lot to me. I never went on a date and I'm sorry I was giving you such a hard time past week or two I did it because I wanted you to break up with me and Hate me Rather than you being hurt and upset With the REAL FACT I have been researching the Herpes situation and I can not accept it! It's so painful and hard for me to let you go cause I really love you But at the same time , I can't handle this I have seen videos and researching online about it... Women s bodies are different than men. I don't know how my body is going to handle this and how it's going to react to it... Plus I'm worried if we have kids and also cause pain and issues for them! In reality it's not you that I don't want. I don't want the herpes. And if I'm with you I'm gonna get it at some point and I Can NOT get passed this problem. But because I love you. I had to tell you the REAL reason. She also told me she has been going to the doctor past 3 weeks and getting tested and it's coming back negative for herpes and the doctor told her look it's negative what else do you want, why you keep coming back?! She also told me her doctor told her she is gonna have problems if she gets it and the babies will have problem as well... Initially she didn't want to hurt my feelings that's why she was acting crazy so I can break up with her and not feel bad over the Herpes issue. But at the end she told me the Real reason! After that. I controlled my emotions that night and I told her look if you feel that bad, I don't want to cause pain for you. I will not force it on you and I will have to stop contacting you. She told me ok! Honestly that was the most Painful feeling I have ever felt Besides the day I found out I got the H! I have stopped talking to her and since then it's been 6 weeks I did talk to her 2 weeks ago and she cried over the phone and said look I don't care about your financial situation , getting settled or even my family... It's the herpes that making me not want to continue US, I tried to talk to her about it and explain look I get it that you don't want it, but I think you're kind of overreacting. She kept telling STOP STOP, I CANNOT Again I spoke to her yesterday for 2 hours. She told me pretty much the same thing and I told her please block me and never respond to me even at my worst, cause everytime you say no and also when talk we are both hurting. After we got off the phone, she text me I'm crying so much and then text me that she is blocking me When I saw her text that she was crying I called her 10 times cause I love her and I wanted to calm her down... I emailed her telling her to call me She never responders d Man this is Soooo Fucking painful We both love each other but thanks to this Damn disease we can't be together. Part of me is mad at her and part of me can't blame her This is some story Unfortunately there is No damn solution to it Which is BREAKING ME apart. I cannot think, focus, smile, nothing positive And I'm such positive funny friendly loving guy but how can I be happy being and having experienced what I just did. I neeeed a Damn CURE!!! I can't even imagine everyone else's pains and stories. This disease truly sucks not to mention any STDs

2. So I left town for a month and talked to her over the phone for about 2 weeks. She started distancing herself from me. I started to get really upset and missing her so much. I spend 5 days a week with her and saw her on FaceTime at least 2-4 times a day not to mention talking to her literally 10 times a day on the phone. We laughed so much together and I loved talking to her and level of intelligence ... Anyhow, she started to make me jealous by telling me she has been spending time with groups people and hanging out with them so she can get over the pain of missing me... I got so hurt and I told her since you're in that fase and the fact that you're spending time with people meaning guys. I just couldn't handle accepting that. So I told her look I can not talk to you anymore. She accepted it. I finally moved to other state. But the whole time I was sick in my stomach, all i did was just to think and think of her. I could not focus and or move on. One day about 2-3 days after I had moved. I decided to message her and tell her how I feel. So I did. She responded she felt the same way. We started talking and FaceTime everyday. She told me look I don't care what my family says anymore, I want you and I wanna have my babies with you only, I love you and I can't handle being without you, please come back! Her response was so positive that I was so happy YET So Nervous. Cause now I had to tell her about the "H" therefore before I decided to officially move back I thought to myself and decided it's best I go tell her about it face to face... And apologize for not telling her sooner. So I bought a ticket. Couple of days before I was heading back, I told her I am coming back to see you, talk to you and make plans and then tell you something important... She told me look I don't care about anything as long as it's Not any type of STDs!!!!! Wow the world collapsed over my head. I was super Super nervous at this point! Then over FaceTime she started getting it out of me... Tell me what is it. I said I'll talk to you when I come... She asked is it some sort of STD.? I just couldn't lie to her and say no While I was so nervous I said yes! She told me 8 months ago she felt weird down there and she went to the doctor and was told she had hpv. She asked me is it that? And at the time since I was so nervous and scared. Plus I didn't no the acronym for herpes I said yes! I could tell from her face. She had anger inside and she told me look that's not a joke. You should have told me before we got intimate so I can make my choice! I told I'm so sorry I always protected myself and everytime you asked me do it without a condom, I still refused. I never wanted you get it, I just couldn't tell you cause I thought you would look down on me and wouldn't want to see me anymore! She said look I still love you come and spend time with me so we can figure out our lives... What's happened is out of our control... Even though I knew she was angry, I started to feel better, but overall I still felt very very bad.

1. Hello everyone, let's just say my name is Ethan. I'm sorry but I'm still not over this situation ( hsv2 ) I call it the situation! I have so much to say (details, background, life a-z) but I'll try to keep it kind of short to get to the point. Since my current issue is very much related to this post... I got this about 14 years ago! I was devastated and couldn't at the time and even to this day manage to get over the idea. Or learn to just accept it. I try to forget it even though it's still there, but also thanks to the situation it reminds me I got it every 6 months or so ! Why can't I accept it Because I truly hate it. And it's mostly because it's called a STD And the physical and the emotional pain. Because it's shameful and nobody wants this. I also don't want this either. I wanna be normal like most normal people. And if I did have a problem I wished it would Not have to be sexual related. And I could talk out loud about it to people and share my pain with friends and family... And I was always afraid of getting any type of std s , guess what I got it! From someone whom I'm 99% sure was my ex for over 4 years. Since she went away to school to become a doctor and got into drugs! It also bothers me because I'm the type of person who seeks solutions to anything and everything and I never stop until I figure it out and I usually do until it's done to perfection...until I'm Fully satisfied , therefore I can never go to bed in PEACE until it is. Since this situation has no cure, I can't get over it! Oh by the way I used to sleep like a baby. 7-10 hours a night Guess what after this crap. I sleep good maybe 10-15% of the time! Keep in mind it's been almost 14 years since! Please don't take my thoughts and comments negatively. I hate to be a negative person especially on such a great and important and supportive forum. I'm just sharing my feelings and what I have been going through. Additionally, I'm a very positive and optimistic person and I usually never give up. Only if there is no way out! Which is where i see myself at this very moment (14 years ago to this point -past 4 weeks) Anyhow, until 4 weeks ago I had ONLY told my ex girlfriend when I was 25 when I first got it which I think and I'm pretty sure she gave it to me since she told me "hey it's no big deal. Go ahead and have sex with me without protection!" I was emotional and hurt I wasn't even trying to analyze where I got it from at the time... I was just heartbroken because of the fact that I had already gotten it and there was no turning back So, 4 years ago I met someone who I was seriously considering marrying. I told her after 6 months or so... She accepted it! She was supportive which means a lot to me as far as my issue. and I started to love her after talking to her for hours over the phone, but our personalities didn't click and we got into fights all the time and I couldn't accept living with someone for the rest of my life who disrespected me as I believe a great foundation to any relationship is Respect... Which wasn't there among other things... We went back and forth for 3 years. I still love and have feelings for but I'm afraid it may not work out cause she is hard to deal with! Also, the fact that my parents had gotten a divorce when I was 12 and that was extremely painful thing for me, I didn't want myself nor my children growing up without loving supportive parents! So after her I was heart broken since I was really hoping to marry her. She was great in many ways. When she was nice, she was SO SO loving and supportive, very caring. Especially when I told about the Situation she was extremely supportive. I was like wow. , what an amazing girl. She is so caring, loving and so so supportive. Therefore, she and I are truly meant for each other... I'm sure I'm not perfect. Believe me her behavior at times was so wild that if you were me, you wouldn't even handle it after 2 months. Or maybe our personalities in some aspects just didn't work! Or maybe it was our life challenges at the time that caused so much friction... So at the end I decided To broke up with her. We got back and she broke up with oh man it was so draining! This happened so many times... I'm 38 now 1.5 years ago I met this girl who I started seeing casually and was still Not over the most recent ex... I told the new girl I'm still dealing with the break up and I'm emotionally not over it yet... She was ok with it at first but after 5-6 months she kept asking me if I would seriously date her. I wanted to but because of the herpes ad the fact I still was not over my previous ex. I told her I cannot. Plus I was planning to move to another state and wasn't sure how much she truly loved me and wanted to be with me. At one point I told her look I'm moving across the country and I know you've lived here all your life. How can I be sure you would be a ride or die girl and go anywhere with me...? She told me look ill go anywhere with you as log as you give me a ring... Long story short before I actually moved and left the state. I told her I have very serious feelings for you and I wanna be with you. Just give me a month to think. ( in reality I wanted to think and face telling her. I did not have the guts). Before I left I met her parents and her mom was totally against me. And dad too but mom was super against me. They hated the idea that I wanted to take her away to another with me and even though I was willing to stay in the state for 1-2 years. They said you have to stay at least for 5 years and we will see if our daughter is going to be ok living with you... That was not good experience at all and I was really disappointed not to me mention the challenge of me telling my girl that I had the herpes!