ScaredNhurt

Thank you, I am really struggling with this. Yes we both had been drinking, and I wouldn't even call this a friend more of someone I know from college. As I have thought on this more, I am very angry. I am very much into disclosing and accepting the fact that I have it but I felt like my choice to disclose was taken away from me. There was not one part of that night, where I changed my mind and went I want to be having sex right now. From all that I've seen on this site about disclosure is giving the other person the CHOICE to make the decision themselves. I feel like BOTH of my choices were taken away that night, my choice to engage in sex and choice to disclose my status. Now I realize I have a lot to own up to as well, I should never have gotten so drunk that I wasn't logically thinking, I remember saying No, we can't do this but looking back now I feel guilt that talking about my HSV wasn't even on my mind it was more No I don't want sex right now. I'm scared for myself and am going to go get tested for everything. With disclosing, I'm not even afraid of rejection, I want nothing to do with this guy. Like I said, I just don't even know how to approach this.

To say this has been a rough week for me is an understatement. While dating someone, I had the disclosure talk I thought it went great and then several days later I got dumped. In my anger and hurt, I went out and drank way too much. I ended up in bed with a friend of a friend, I was just looking to cuddle especially since I didn’t want to disclose my status. I kept trying to say no to the sex but he kept pushing and at one point he was in me with no condom. I tried to be okay with it but I ended up pushing him away but not telling him why. I’ve had HSV-2 for 5 years now and I take suppressive medication, I feel incredibly guilty and know I ultimately do need to tell him but I don’t know how. I’m so angry that he didn’t listen to me and I’m angry at myself for letting myself even get into that situation. I have such a myriad of emotions going through me. I know disclosure and honesty is the best policy but I just don't even know how to approach it.