Sail

@rpaul. We all go through that phase with any new diagnosis. I felt contaminated for a long time, which made the symptoms, nerve pain, worse. As soon as I forced myself to break the herpes mindset, the symptoms went away. For me, I started to run. I had to re enact a way to get away from the person who did this to me. Overtime, I stopped running from "the exposer" and started to run to be free. To truly live freely without worry. Find the thing that frees your mind the most and invest yourself in it. Loose your thoughts in it. Slowly, eventually, your mind will forget about herpes as a huge deal. We are what we think and say we are.... Train your brain to focus on other things and herpes will simply vanish from your daily worries and with that your symptoms...... Good luck!

Awe sorry girl. Just best to move on then.

My thought is that integrity can be a male or female characteristic in relation to disclosure. I do think males tend to find it harder to be emotionally vulnerable enough to disclose. I also think the stigma plays a huge role in people not wanting to disclose and consequentially transmitting a very manageable virus. If you want your honey back, talk to him. Be emotionally available and honest with him..... Good luck.

@Indigochild90. The first few months of any new diagnosis is a mess of information and emotions. Things will happen, as they happen, when they happen. We are all here to support each other through a crazy emotional time and offer our experiences so others might learn by them and grow. Just take this one day at a time and you will find the most appropriate pathway for you. Since your kidneys are involved health wise your pathway will be a little different, but you will find it. Have a great New Year. Try and be gentle on yourself as far as stress and emotions. Anytime you would like to write, even to blow off steam, just pm me.

@stilladjusting it's not a good idea to take any medication with alcohol as a general rule. You might want to get the heart thing checked out because this could be something else heart related. I do avoid any alcohol when on antivirals as well although my heart does not "race" if I choose to consume alcohol on antivirals.

Herpes T2 attacks/ inhabits the nervous system in the base of your spine. When you feel "tingles" or shocks down there you are likely shedding virus. During this time it is safest to abstain from sex, while the herpes is active. I definately know when I am shedding because I do occasionally get nerve pain.

Hi @tyedye99. It sounds like you are using your sexual experiences as a hobby. I agree with the ladies above. Find a counselor, be open to actively listening to what they have to say and following their advice. Prepare yourself to hear what may be true about yourself that you might not want to hear. Remember they are there as your guide to self love and self appreciation. Until you achieve these two things, you will not be able to be open to a true love. You will continue to let people use you. It's a first step of many you will have to make in your journey. Sex is fun, but not at the cost of your health. Think long term here. Seize the day. Your wake up call is now. Take advantage and run with it. Develop some hobbies other than sex and you will become a healthier you. Good luck. Grab 2017 by the horns girl, you can do this!

This is a great idea! I think "connection" or "connectedness" would be my word of choice as well because I have been avoiding these things since my diagnosis.... I would add the word "deep connection," because this is what my life lacks.

My late husband had GHSV 1 He was on suppression therapy. We had two kids together, and did all the things that husbands and wifes do. He never exposed me. He took 1 acyclovir daily and avoided sexual contact if he had an outbreak, which was a rare occurance.

It's too bad these assholes can't be branded permanently for their wrong doing so everyone would know that they are disease spreaders. What I did do is report my exposer to the dating site so they are aware of this man spreading disease. My hope is that the others that my ex will infect will report him as well. I think a great many of us don't sleep around and just trusted the wrong person. As for lawsuits. I am in agreement. I would love to go after the F**ker legally, but again it's a convoluted situation with the burden of proof on the victim. Expensive.... I am in agreement with both of your views. I think disclosure when a person has anything transmitable is a must no matter what the skin condition or deadly virus. There Is No Excuse For not having open and honest communication.

@pecan First of all congrats on the two negative titer tests. If you are titer negative x2 go with that and asymptomatic believe it. I think all of us wish we could be titer negative. That's wonderful news! HPV almost everyone in the dating world has. I was told to enjoy the infection when I asked for the vaccine. At 35yo I'm too old for the vaccine. Anyway I am so sorry with how you were exposed to hpv. You are far from alone in that gf/bf of "nasty cheater" category that seems to be in every few threads. Good luck to you and have a fabulous 2017!

@mmissouri. Lol..... I cannot possibly be everyone's cup of tea, but I am loved by many, many people. I enjoy our debates too. I think effective communication is key in any forum. Sometimes I get very passionate about things because I would want to know if someone I was intimate with had anything transmitable, even a skin condition and the risks that go along with it. It all goes back to that age old saying, treat others how you would like to be treated. If you are dishonest with people, expect dishonesty back. I do not judge others' pathway in life. I simply will not allow them into my life.... its as simple as that! No one will ever change my mind that being upfront and honest with people, genuine is not the right path no matter how small the virus/ infection/ contagion. Cheers on the flu point! That would be the exposers that don't know they have it until..... THEY KNOW THEY HAVE IT! LOL I know you are medical, your jargon and intelligent responses betray you :). I think another reason I am sooo very passionate about this is because I see the isolation it creates. I see the anger and depression that people go through and I definately saw the suicide thread that went up a couple of weeks ago. I dont know how many in this group have saved the life of an unsuccessful suicide attempt victim, but I have also seen that. It is the saddest thing when a 25 yr old can't handle a body change mentally and decides that suicide is their only way out... A sad reality I face. What is a simple skin condition to one person, is another's death sentence. No one can ever assume how another person will react to being infected. To those who don't believe me read some of the threads that come through here. The newly exposed are "terrified" "alone" etc. It is my great sadness and I do reach out to these poor souls who feel their life is over. I think all of us here can relate to how scary it once was to be diagnosed with a lifelong STD with a bad stigma attached to it. To this day it still sucks and I manage without antivirals asymptomatically. (On antivirals/ condoms when dating, of course). As for the last bit. The reason why medical staff are so weary is because they see the worst cases of all the stds. They see disfigurement, permanent suffering and death. It brings on a whole new level of fear for them. I know, I was one of them. This disease has shaken me to my core, when I was first diagnosed. I balled my eyes out for a month, isolated myself, wanted to die, was ashamed, embarrassed and felt contaminated. I went through in my head what I missed with the guy. What I did wrong. It was a terrible time in my life. As far as disclosure of my herpes, my friends who are coworkers know. I take every opportunity to educate them and change the stigma. They are astounded at how little they know about what herpes actually is and how many strains of herpes there are and how in most cases it is benign. They are shocked at the amount of people who are carriers. All I can say is the people who know treat me no differently than they did before because I educate them properly on the disease and it does not change who I am as a person. Though I don't scream my status down the street, I am very open and honest about it. I try to destigmatize where I can to whomever will listen. Imagine the success we would have if we were open and honest as a group, instead of hiding and not even willing to disclose to our intimate partners. The power it brings to say yes I am an RN and I was exposed to herpes. If I have educated one person on this thread or contributed someway to the way they think, then I feel like that is a win :). To everyone Happy 2017! May blessings be upon all of you wherever you maybe in your journey!

@Missouri ps: I haven't thought of the exposer in months. Not a second thought until this thread. I am at peace. I enjoy life. I just don't let people in my life who would lie to me, use me and abuse me. I am surrounded by people I adore. I hope that this thread helps others see all points of view. Good debate. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you both @hippyherpy and @mmissouri!

@missouri. We are having a discussion. I am sorry I am coming off as angry. Towards the man, yes, towards the group I am neutral. No I do not feel picked on. Yes, many minor viruses can kill the immunosuppressed. Trust me the immunosuppressed still have sex and from time to time make poor decisions as we all do. When I discuss more debilatating outcomes, I am talking more on the lines of herpes encephalitis etc., it happens.... I am also talking about the poor people on this thread who mentally cannot handle their exposure. My heart goes out to them. PS, if I had the flu I would definitely abstain from sex with someone because, yuck.... right?!?! Who wants to be sneezed on, thats sexy! Lol... PS even the flu can be fatal in non immunosuppressed. I have seen that too. As for other contagious viruses, those should be disclosed as well. I am speaking for my purposes, my values. I would not feel right if I had any transmitable virus and not disclose, but I also deal in saving peoples lives. I see death almost daily. The other reason I like to share myself, good and bad, is I am trying to find a life partner, not just have sex. By all means, if a person has no intention of finding a life partner than their responsibility lies in just using antivirals, condoms and trying to protect their partner. Yes, this is a passionate topic for me and makes me angry because I am a careful person when my body is concerned. I was just put into a bad situation and in case you were wondering it was not a one night stand. It was a few weeks into the connection. That's why it infuriates me. Honesty and being courageous does count though. This is why I disclose. I don't want there to be any secrets between myself and the people I choose to love..... Again I speak for myself here. Discussing things on this thread is a good thing. It helps a lot of people. It has helped me greatly seeing that there are many "normal" people who are exposed and many very well educted people who are exposed. Yes I enjoy discussing topics because it helps every one to see and have different view points. Hell, one of the most amazing men that I have met, I met on this thread. We are friends. I guess why this is so dear to my heart is because I feel I took precautions and was cheated and infected anyway. That sucks! I am an unlikely person because I take great precaution in screening people before intimacy. Obviously, I did not take enough precautions with this man. I also acknowledge that many people aren't as dishonest as he was with status. I applaud those who take full precautions to attempt to protect others. That is a stroke of integrity on their part; however, if you are to have a level of relationship where there are no secrets..... It's best to be honest upfront. There is a lot of respect with just saying "by the way" and "let me educate you on this and why it isn't that big of a deal." If you do not disclose, you are feeding into the idea that herpes is the Scarlett H. I guess that is my point. Yes, it makes me very sad that people can't have an open discussion about this. It's all in how you look at it. If I thought it was the plague I would not have been so willing to post my picture. I am not afraid of having this virus. I am sad that people add to the stigma and make it a huge deal because they don't understand what it is. We are in agreement, for most it isnt a big deal. The key word being most. For some it is a terrible disease. And, yes, hippyherpy RNs can be sexual too and obviously herpes doesn't discriminate between the medical folk and general populous ;).

The Question Was Posed To The man. He said he was clean. I stupidly trusted that he was honest. He was not. He did not take antivirals, and he slipped his condom during intercourse x2. When I said I was uncomfortable with this he shrugged it off. Some people are predators. It's just as simple as that. I was new to the market after being with my husband, who died, a 17 year relationship and this was one of the first experiences I had on this market. I have never dated as an adult. The last time I dated someone, other than my husband, was when I was 17 years old. Needless to say, no one touches me without proof of STD testing. I don't trust males and I have ways of figuring out intentions of that male early on so I can save myself the trauma of what is now past. I agree it is 50/50 unless you get involved with a manipulative predator. My thoughts on disclosure: if you are protecting your partner and it's a one night stand, yes by all means whatever. If you intend to get into a relationship with someone you respect, that is a violation of trust and if someone kept that big of a thing of me, I would question whether I could trust them with other things in life. That's just me though and I am a honorable person with integrity. I work with like minded people who have the same beliefs that I do. First and foremost to do no harm. Thankfully there are still people out there that think like that...... The reason I will always disclose to my sexual partners is because I want a clear conscience going into a sexual relationship. I also do not want to worsen a bad stigma and have people think that herpes carriers sleep around with many people and are dishonest. Education is key. It angers and retraumatizes me when I hear that people would not disclose because it adds to the badness of the stigma and worsens people's perception of what herpes is and worse it speaks to the carriers' honor as a group. Disclosure is still important because the one night stand could have a compromised immune system. God forbid they are an organ transplant. You just gave them a death sentence if you exposed them to herpes. I would not want that on my track record.... not for sex. The stakes are high. All I am saying is that people should be able to decide what their bodies will be exposed to if there is that option. I would have liked that choice. I would have said no thank you, I'm too new to the market to risk exposure.... The exposer knew that and chose to lie. As for your last question. Some of us have shitty luck and select a smooth talking asshole. I am mad at myself for trusting a male that was obviously not to be trusted. He was very intelligent had graduate degrees and knew exactly what to say, how to say it, he even was an elementary school principal, which is really scary that he is around children when he is that predatory. He knew better, he just chose to do the wrong thing. It is a manipulation tactic. I have learned an important lesson there. Part of dating is trusting people to be forthright and honest with you. I have learned how to trip up the predators and dishonest within a few hours of meeting them..... Hell, they give themselves away on their profiles sometimes, but not usually. I was naive once, but no more.

Well stated. Thank you @hippyherpy!

@dave. We can agree to disagree. Be careful to confuse dishonor with an anger reaction. Knowing that you have a transmitable virus and then not discussing with your sexual partners that there is a chance that they might be exposed is wrong. That's dishonorable. There is nothing that you will say to justify that. This is why this amazing website exists. Not only to help people in crisis, but to also give ideas on how to disclose without furthering the stigma. Anger reaction is a direct health question towards your sexual partner, being lied to about it, then when you get symptoms the person who knew he had it finally discloses and dumps you when you want to get a STD test. That is self serving and dishonorable. This is my unfortunate story and many others on here. Dont kid yourself. That is why I acted angrily towards someone who feels that disclosing is not important. Furthermore, for many people you are right, it is asymptomatic and just a skin condition; however, you are obviously not part of the medical community. I am. I have seen the worst cases of herpes as well. It has a wide range of ailments and is anywhere from aymsptomatic to very debilitating in the immunosuppressed. By all means go to a medical library and look it up. As far as disclosure is concerned, the pathway with integrity is always the one I will choose for myself, because I have integrity and want to get rid of the stigma by educating people that hsv is mild in most cases and transmission rates are low. The reason the stigma is so bad is because there are people who are predatory out there, in my case as well as others, who spread the disease without consideration for the other person. This is victimization of one's sexual partner. If you have sex under false assurance, then find out the person bold faced lied to you. (Notice I did not include those who are not knowledgeable about the herpes diagnosis or those who just don't know that they were exposed. The person to which I was referring, knows and is making the Choice not to disclose. That is a completely different ball of wax. Again for my conscience, I choose to disclose because it is the right thing to do and People appreciate my technique and compliment my integrity for it. I have also helped many people in crisis on this site find resources that they need to successfully live with herpes like I do.

@mmissouri. I guess my point was the person I was with at the time, knew he had herpes, knew of the possible transmitability, was sexually active without antivirals and still chose to be dishonest with me and that is why I am having a very strong reaction. This was a relationship not a one night stand. I simply think that people have the right to know what they might be exposing themselves to in a sexual encounter, if the other party has knowledge. It was very cowardly what he did and showed a complete lack of character and yes I still do get angry about this because of the lifelong virus and because I feel it is a moral obligation to disclose.

Sorry non disclosure is dishonorable. Lacks integrity no matter how you try to justify. To @Missouri I did test negative directly before this man and tested positive after. He was dishonest about status. I would have had a pretty solid case, but yes if you sleep around it is nearly impossible to source the culprit. I however do not sleep around. I agree with hippyherpy here. Get off the site if you have no intention of being honorable and warning your victims.

Just remember people can and do get sued over non disclosers and win. Better to have integrity and get denied sex than have someone go after you legally. I probably would have gone after that a**hole that exposed me with herpes, and didnt disclose, but I'm tired. I have been through enough drama being a widow with 2 kids. Life is hard enough without the drama of legal systems..... Don't think for a second though that someone with more vengeance won't go after you legally. Food for thought. Then there is that little thing called your conscience. You are potentially exposing someone to a lifelong virus, without cure.....

Just pay the fee annually for a pcp visit and get a script from your primary doc. Just because you don't have health insurance it does not mean that you still can't visit a doc. It just means that you will pay out of pocket. Not as expensive as you would think and it is legit.

I am v ery careful when I have sympoms like neuropathic pain even to wash my hands if I need to touch another area of my body. I think it is less likely because you have antibodies but not impossible.

@letsbeawesome. Great post! Yes there are many many attractive intelligent people with H. I am very happy that you can see that it is not that big of a deal.

@stew4. I take lysine daily. Start now. Lysine pushes herpes into dormancy.

Yep its easy. Just request that they add it and good luck