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dani

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  1. Unfortunately being abroad right now I haven't been able to find a testing clinic that does the swab test, only blood tests. But it looks like a normal (small) cold sore, and I feel all the sensations I associate with herpes - major tingling/itchiness around my face. Plus I had a genital outbreak at the same time. I would be shocked if it wasn't herpes. The only other possibility I could think if it was actually HSV-1 and my IGG test showing me negative for HSV-1 was wrong, since Terri Warren says 30% of IGG tests are false negatives. But the fact that I had an oral and genital outbreak
  2. a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with hsv-2 via blood test, and came up negative for HSV-1. Shortly thereafter I had a Genital outbreak. I spoke with my doctor about the possibility of also getting it orally, and she said she had never seen a case of oral HSV-2. Since then I have read some studies cited on this board that HSV-2 is really uncommon, so it was never particularly a concern for me. In retrospect, I think there have been a couple times in the past couple years where I've had an oral outbreak, but I kind of pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking it was unlikely I
  3. Just one comment, though, in regards to the boxer-shorts things, and I don´t mean to minimize at all the fact that it is technically possible to pass even with condom use, but according to Terri Warren it is quite unlikely to shed in the thicker skin regions outside the shaft of the genitals, unless there is an outbreak there: https://westoverheights.com/forum/question/understanding-the-risks-of-spreading-the-virus/. Given that I am asymptomatic (since one initial outbreak two years ago) and on antivirals I don´t really think I was deceptive in saying that the risk was small, but not 0.
  4. It is definitely possible to have casual sex with herpes. The trade off with doing literal one-night stands is that, if you tell potential partners in the heat of the moment, they might be okay with it and proceed to sleep with you, but then you do not know how they will react the following. But if you are only looking for a one night experience then you might not really care about how they react the following day and I dont think that is your responsibility as long as you do your part in disclosing. I have disclosed to three casual sex partners, one of which was a one night stand and she was
  5. I was seeing a girl and I told her I have genital herpes, HSV-2. She thanked me for telling her and said, "yeah but if we use condoms it'll be pretty safe, right?" and I said, "pretty safe, but its not 100% protection,"... She said, "of course nothing is 100%, but I think the chance would be small..." That was the last we talked about it, then we had sex a few times (and the relationship ended for other reasons). But do you think I accurately reflected the risk or should I have broken down it further in terms of letting telling her know that technically it passes throug skin to skin contact, s
  6. Did you ask about her sexual health prior to having sex the first time (aka did she lie or just omit the information)? A lot of people have stuff they don't know about or disclose... I think it's ideal to always disclose but you should be aware that over half the US population has HSV1, and I've read over half of females have HSV2 (the more commonly genital one) by age 40 (I don't know her age but you mentioned you both have children). So she may not have been exposing you to some wild risk that you wouldn't have been exposed to otherwise. But obviously your decision how to deal with it/the re
  7. Thanks. You're right, I'm probably overthinking the role herpes played into this. I didn't bring a condom intentionally because it was first so-called "heat of the moment" disclosure and I thought if I brought one I'd be tempted to have sex without telling her, or to try to persuade her into having sex when she was still uncomfortable with the idea. But, she seemed comfortable with it at the time. I guess the lesson learned is, people can act "weird" and wishy-washy after sexual encounters for all kinds of reasons, herpes notwithstanding, so the best thing to do is just seize the moment when o
  8. thanks @Katidid and @HikingGirl, appreciate the affirmation. I've read hippyherpy's thread and that was definitely one of the things that I think encouraged me to do it this way. It's just the particular outcome this time - her becoming distant afterwards - that made me question whether this kind of spontaneous disclosure wouldn't generally work as a strategy and I'd have to fundamentally change my dating approach - by taking much longer to get to know girls prior to sex, which, to be honest, takes some of the fun and impulsiveness out of it for me. But I guess it just as easily could have gon
  9. One of the things I've tried to find the balance between is trying to have a degree of spontaneity in my relationships that I was able to have prior to contracting herpes, in which I would often sleep with a girl on a first or second encounter, but also feeling like I'm able to have an honest conversation with a partner and feel they are comfortable with it before we have sex, allowing for the possibility of a second encounter or relationship to come out of it. I'm personally not of the mind that there's anything wrong with heat of the moment disclosures as long as I'm doing my duty to give he
  10. Because the risk of contracting herpes/other diseases exists with any relationship, and by dating somebody who knows they have it, is honest about it and taking steps to manage it, some people may feel more secure about it than dating a stranger who could be either concealing the truth or not know what diseases he/she carries. I think you'll find a lot of people appreciate transparency; many also just don't carry the stigma about it that those who land on this board seem to have. I've only had one disclosure so far over text, but it wasn't a matter of falling in love first or even getting
  11. @surfsup - I will think about that. I guess I just feel a bit ambiguously about whether it's better or not for non-symptomatic people to know they have this if they don't need to, because when I was first diagnosed, my first reaction was - "I wish I didn't know and din't have to deal with this burden, when so many others who have it don't know." I mean, I know it's a medical condition, but it's also a fairly minor one. But, I suppose it could be helpful for her, and helpful for future partners whom she might potentially expose, to know (if she doesn't). She might be appreciative.
  12. @hippyherpy, I've seen your thread, and I gotta say thank you, on behalf of a lot of guys, and probably some girls, who that thread has probably given some encouragement to post-diagnosis in terms of continuing to have some kind of casual sex life. @surfsup, you were right with you said about how I've typically done things in the past, having sex fairly soon after meeting them. If I can avoid herpes being this cataclysmic routine-changing thing, where I now need to spend copious amounts of time getting to know someone before having sex, then I hope to. At the same time I do feel myself s
  13. thanks @optimist, I think that was the answer I was looking for :)... I see what you're saying about how some people might freak out irrationally over having become physical in any way, and maybe as I get more used to this and comfortable the spectrum with different people's responses, I will decide to tell people earlier on. At the moment I just feel better about getting a bit farther with someone, building up a higher level of attraction, before having the conversation. Another friend of mine (who doesn't have HSV) suggested that if things escalate to the point where she's interested in havi
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