Hi Everyone, I think about the forum everyday.
I can't seem to get a grip. I purposely drove him away. I could not bring myself to say what I wanted to say, so I started ignoring his calls and texts... he stopped.
Let me explain a situation I am currently in...
I am a single mother of a three year old boy. We live with my parents, we have a nice home and everything we both want and need, WE are very blessed.
I have battles with depression. I dropped out of school with only two semesters from graduating with a Bachelors Degree. I am currently unemployed, only working odd jobs for extra spending money. My purpose in life is to take care of my son. I have tried joining gyms, we go to church, I volunteer, my son is in a program for kids two days a week. I have tried different means of meeting new people and trying new things. I really don't have a career path and this adds to my depression.
I don't feel valuable or worthy enough for a partner, but am lonely. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure as a single parent, and this also makes me sad. Add the herpes, it is always lingering in the back of my thoughts... the embarrassment from speaking those words to another person that I have feelings for is deeper than the deepest ocean. It may seem dramatic, but its true. I feel the need to explain that I am not a whore, that I was responsible up to a certain point. But it doesn't change the diagnosis. I am scared I will be alone for a very long time. I wanted more for my son. I wanted for me. Thanks for reading. Feels good to be able to write about it.