abbyroad78

Is there a way to remove negative feed back and let other people respond who are more caring, or is that against an Amendment... I can't remember which one... lol...

Hi Adrial, once again, this site is awesome. It keeps growing, which I think is a good thing. I just read a discussion where people were not very kind to a girl posting about her having sex without disclosing. I was shocked to see how insensitive people are. Is there anything that can keep people from running away from this site, once reading such anger filled comments on their posts?

Hi Stuck in a Rut, please don't listen to awful people!! Harry the Herp has a chip, a big one. I am not saying it is right not to disclose, but people who judge you for not telling the truth are not being honest with themselves about all the dishonesty in their own lives. I love that you had the courage to tell this forum what has occurred in your own life. I have made the same mistake and confessed to the person. His response is that he loved me and it didn't matter to him anyway. I have experienced very little rejection because of herpes. Please don't hesitate to seek support on this forum in the future. Most of the people on this site are very kind and understanding.

Hi Everyone, I have been working on a self help course, lol, I am so embarrassed I poured all that negativity on this site. I know what everyone is explaining about getting my life on track, I have been working on it, and feel so much better. Thank you all so much for kindness and support.

Hi Everyone, I think about the forum everyday. I can't seem to get a grip. I purposely drove him away. I could not bring myself to say what I wanted to say, so I started ignoring his calls and texts... he stopped. Let me explain a situation I am currently in... I am a single mother of a three year old boy. We live with my parents, we have a nice home and everything we both want and need, WE are very blessed. I have battles with depression. I dropped out of school with only two semesters from graduating with a Bachelors Degree. I am currently unemployed, only working odd jobs for extra spending money. My purpose in life is to take care of my son. I have tried joining gyms, we go to church, I volunteer, my son is in a program for kids two days a week. I have tried different means of meeting new people and trying new things. I really don't have a career path and this adds to my depression. I don't feel valuable or worthy enough for a partner, but am lonely. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure as a single parent, and this also makes me sad. Add the herpes, it is always lingering in the back of my thoughts... the embarrassment from speaking those words to another person that I have feelings for is deeper than the deepest ocean. It may seem dramatic, but its true. I feel the need to explain that I am not a whore, that I was responsible up to a certain point. But it doesn't change the diagnosis. I am scared I will be alone for a very long time. I wanted more for my son. I wanted for me. Thanks for reading. Feels good to be able to write about it.

Hi everyone, thank you for posting comments on my last discussion post. I haven't told him. I can't. I told him we just need to be friends for now. I am thinking I will just get a cat. It has been really hard dealing with this diagnosis and trying to keep a positive outlook. I am tired and just want a break from disclosing and the relationship not working out or being shown the door. Thank you for all the advice and stories that I have been able to relate to or offer advice myself. The forum has always been helpful.

I have wondered why we as people with herpes worry so much about telling people who don't ask? Before I was diagnosed, I thought I was safe enough. Having a steady boyfriend and asking him about STD's and the last time he was tested was not embarrassing to me at all, I just wanted to be safe.

Has anyone asked themselves why we worry so much about disclosing to people who don't even ask?

My gynecologist suggested that taking the medication everyday will lessen the chances of the medicine actually helping during outbreaks. He did not recommend that I take it everyday. He promotes safe sex and not having sex during outbreaks. Adrial is right, it depends on how severe your outbreaks are and how frequent.

Hi everyone!! Our third date was awesome!! We really like each other and get along so well, I hate to ruin it with my disclosing. I couldn't do it... We have such a good time together... I read everyone's advice and it all is great and not anything I haven't been through many times before. It's not new to me having the talk. Friends, family, and potential lovers all know. I hate it. Sometimes I think it's okay and life will go on. Other times I want to hide from the world and give up on love. It's been 8 years and I still struggle with feelings of shame and fear of telling someone I like in a romantic way.

I like the way you write Matt!! Clear and concise, much like your disclosure talk!!

Hi Everyone! Happy Halloween!! I have a date tonight. He seems to be the one I could spend my life with. It's only our third date, but everything feels just right. He thinks so too. However, I haven't disclosed and am thinking of talking to him tonight. Any suggestions?

I know how it feels also, to lose a relationship that you cared so much for. I was scared to date at first, after my relationship ended with the man who passed HSV2 on to me unknowingly. However, I have dated and disclosed many times. It is important to remember that if the person you are disclosing to is meant to be in your life, then it will not matter to them...

I am curious to know if you disclosed through a text message? And yes, you are much better off without a guy like that. Chances are, with his attitude about casual sex, he may have herpes one day...

Making me smile... love this post!!

Great post!!! : )

Hi! I know exactly how you feel. I have felt lonely for a long time. Since I have had my child, single friends stopped calling, and the rest of my friends are married with children of their own. I have joined yet another dating website hoping to find a guy to relate to, just a new FRIEND would be welcomed at this point. I have a wonderful family and am really blessed in so many aspects of my life, I feel worse for complaining. Herpes doesn't even get me down anymore... I think to myself, "who cares if I have herpes, who doesn't?" Then I chuckle and get back to wondering why I feel alone. As for school, there is nothing wrong with you pursuing your higher education. If it is a goal you want to obtain through hard work and dedication, more power to you!! Hope you feel better soon. Abbyroad78

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted in a couple of months. I have been really busy with my child, work, school, ect... however, I have thought about this site at least once a week until tonight. Everyone on the site has been extremely supportive and inspiring %100 of the time. Even in what seemed like my darkest hour. My relationship with the man I wrote about and slept with obviously, is OVER!! It is perfectly ok that it is! It turns out that he was not the man for me or my son, so we moved on. He still calls and texts professing his love for me... hopefully that will end soon. Anyway, I wanted to say that our relationship did not begin and end with herpes. In fact, I have learned that it has very little to do with a real lasting relationship anyway. Normally, after I disclose this information, the man either accepts or he doesn't. I think I have started feeling better about my diagnosis after 8 years. I haven't let it stop me from picking up the pieces and starting over again trying to find a partner for this life. Thank you everyone who read and posted concerning my self- inflicted drama over the past Summer!! Sincerely, Abbyroad78

Hi! After reading your post, I must say that being rejected because you have herpes is really hard to deal with. The aftermath can be challenging, however, I have been rejected twice because of it... the first time I told my date about it, he said he was fine and still wanted to have sex! I didn't sleep with him, I told him I wanted to take things slow since this was new to me... I never heard from him again, that was years ago and in hindsight, he was not the man for me. The second rejection was more recently, a friend who just happened to be a nurse was terrified of catching a disease. He was nice about the rejection, although it still hurt. Regardless of the herpes diagnosis, ANY type of rejection from someone we care for will hurt. We walk around this world not knowing the future, the only thing we can do is keep a positive outlook on life and be kind to other people, in hopes that kindness will find its way back to us. It usually does.

Hello Everyone, I am just now logging back onto the forum. It has been a terrible time for me regarding the situation I put myself in when I had sex without telling my partner I have herpes. It took over a month to finally get the courage to confess. I did it. Yesterday morning over the phone... I could not bear to do it in person and tried many times. I have disclosed herpes so many times, I don't know why I found it so hard, I was choking on my words. Anyway, he took it very well. He said he loved me anyway and I have nothing to be ashamed of. He said he still trusts me and then asked me to move in with him!! I was shocked! Thank everyone for all the support, this website has truly been a blessing! I wish everyone the best of luck! Love, Abbyroad78

Hi Karlie, Welcome to the site. I am new to it as well, and have found it very helpful. There are really nice people who understand exactly what you are feeling now and will offer some really great advice. I hope you find that it helps.

I have recently done something disgusting... I had unprotected sex without disclosing. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done. I have perpuated the myth that people with STD's are irresponsible and promiscuous. I had several oppurtunities to "disclose" this information about myself and did not. Not that I planned it all, it happened very quickly, although I did ask him twice to use a condom, but ultimitly did not want to myself and did not make him do it. I said I wanted to be safe, I was desperate, heart-broken, and hot, I lost all self control, like a wild animal and said yes to unprotected sex. I have thrown away almost 8 years of self-control and disclosure talks, at least 20 that I can remember. Not just sexual partners, but friends and family. I have a son. He is my world. I was positive when I became pregnant and did not transmit to him. I have met other women and men that have HSV. So why did I do this? I rationalized the hell out of a situation and did not want to lose this kind and loving man. I have had dreams of standing in front of a judge being found guilty of spreading HSV. I know I was selfish and terrible, however,everything I have learned about this disease and myself tells me I know my body. I have not had an outbreak in almost three years. The CDC is putting false information the web concerning HSV. They recently put out medical "research" results on 400 test subjects apparently "shedding", "oozing" and "weeping" this virus constantly. With this safisticated termology describing symptons of a disease, it is no wonder why people with this disease are stigmatized and socialized in a way that makes a vast majority of this nation untouchable. My ob/gyn told me suppressive therapy is only effective during an outbreak and advised me not to take pills everyday. I am struggling with this issue that I caused in my own life. I am not sure if I should tell him? I am not sure if I should never talk to him again? I am asking for advice in thoughtful response. Sincerely, Abbyroad78

Yes, I have been in three long term relationships (yay...) since my diagnosis and have not spread HSV. I was also on suppressive therapy. We did not choose to wear condoms.

Hi AllInaDaysWork and Atlantic! Thank you so much for your responses to my discussion post. This forum has helped me so much work through some thoughts and feelings I haven't been able to talk about with anyone else. I have been on Match.com for a couple of weeks now, and have had the same experience with any other dating website. I think after my subscription reaches the end, I am going to take a break from dating. Lol....

effemmell, you are awesome!!