whoknew

Thanks for your comments. I think it was actually friction which brought on the first outbreak so condoms and lubrication are definitely in my future..... I've never had to use lubrication before so I'm wondering if there is one which is better than the other? I've been seeing someone for a couple of months and we've been taking it slow for various reasons but that may change in the near future and I would really like it to be a positive (no pun intended) experience for both of us.......

I've already discussed that with my doctor who isn't ready to recommend it unless I'm having regular outbreaks. Since I haven't had sex yet there have been no further outbreaks but I'm a little afraid of what will happen if I do have sex, so I'm avoiding it - which continues the cycle ...... A vicious circle

It's now been six months since my diagnosis and six months since the last time I had sex. My question relates specifically to hsv-1. I'm wondering if I can expect to have an outbreak every time I have sex from here on in. At 63, I doubt that'll be too often but I have to admit it's a fear which has been causing me some irrational thinking. I'm aware of the "statistics" that are available, but I'm more interested in hearing from the perspective of someone who's in the same boat......... Can anyone shed any light?

Hi jaydee7, It is in fact possible to develop herpes in a site other than the initially infected site. Either the same strain you already have, or the other strain. The one thing to keep in mind is that, once we've been infected with the virus, our body starts to produce antibodies to at least somewhat protect us from future outbreaks. The longer it's been since you were initially exposed to the virus, the more antibodies remain in our system and the risk of being infected in another area of the body is, if not eliminated, at least reduced. Check out this link for info: http://projectaccept.org/all-about-herpes-how-do-we-get-hsv/ (when you're done reading that page, go to the 'H Info' tab at the top of the page and read the various pages which are available. Useful information!) Hope this helps.

I watched this video (starting at the 19:50 mark) and understand what was being discussed regarding HSV2 and oral sex. However, as soon as the subject of HSV1 and oral sex came up, the discussion was cut off and went on to something else. Is there another video I could watch regarding HSV1 and oral sex??

I agree with Sail as well. One reminder though is that routine std tests don't include herpes testing (at least not in Canada). So you'd have to ask him to get type specific Herpes testing done as well........

@Jojo84 I did sign up on a H dating site. The real down side to it is how limiting the 'free' version is. It's nearly impossible to make actual contact with anyone without spending a large amount of money each month. Like everything else, it's a business and because it's such a specialized market, the monthly fees are quite high. I guess if you have a captive market...... The only hit I got was from someone looking for casual sex (he must be a paid member).

Hi Jojo84. I totally get where you're coming from. My (now ex - the one I'm reasonably confident passed it to me and, the more I ponder on it - probably knowingly) partner's reaction was extremely hurtful. It's all well and good for others to say "you're lucky he walked out; it's a sign of his character not yours, etc., etc.), but no one else had to come to grips with being called a cockroach. And - no - no one will EVER call me that again! My doctor treated it with a shrug of his shoulders and an "it's life" comment - he really had no clue of the emotional impact. I have to thank the nurses at the local Sexual Health Clinic for helping me come to terms with everything. It's because of the way my (now ex) partner treated me that I made the conscious decision not to wait until I was emotionally invested in anyone. If I meet someone and feel like I'm never going to see this person again - I don't say anything. But, if I meet someone and feel even the tiniest flicker of interest on my part; I feel I owe it to MYSELF to disclose. I want someone in my life who has compassion and courage; disclosing sends the rest running quickly and I'm fine with that. I hope things work out for you. If not - keep re-reading your very last sentence. I think the truth is there.

Hi Gold_Goddess16 I don't know that I'd call it a 'gift' but, it is now my new reality and it will shape how I handle future relationships. P.S. For what it's worth, I've now been out on 3 dates with man #3 (the one who texted me about his own std scare) and, while there could still be other deal breakers which haven't yet surfaced, it's comforting to know that HSV isn't one of them.

Hi WCSdancer2010, Thanks for your input. I totally agree with your observation about the walkers. On reflection, I was hurt but not really surprised when the man I had been with for 2-1/2 years ran as fast and as far as he could when I told him I had been diagnosed. Which is why, at this point, I'd much rather they walk before I get invested...... Thank you for sharing those links.

My initial outbreak of genital herpes (HSV type 1), four months ago, presented as: A painful ulcer at the entrance to the vagina and another painful ulcer near the urethra, along with the classic first time symptoms of very high fever, flu like aching of muscles, headache, painful urination..... Symptoms started to resolve shortly after I started a course of famciclovir treatment. Since my initial outbreak, I have not had another outbreak. However, I have noticed other things which make me wonder....... I often feel tingling around my lips/nose (although no blisters appear) I often feel an itch in my groin area (right at the underwear edge line along the thigh crease) I have experienced a couple of bouts of quite noticeable anal itching and some blood (bright red) on defecation Are these ways in which herpes can manifest itself? If I am having these symptoms regularly, should I be considering a regular routine of anti virals?? Any comments from herpes veterans would be appreciated........

Maybe it's because of my age (62), already being comfortable in my own skin before this happened to me, and realizing that life passes by very quickly.......I don't want to waste a lot of time or expend a lot of energy getting to know someone only to be hurt later when I get rejected. If I'm going to be rejected for having herpes, let it be right at the start before I am emotionally invested. That's why I have decided to be upfront about it immediately if I think there might be a chance of anything developing. I've disclosed to 3 men since I was diagnosed with HSV-1 (genital) four months ago. The first was someone I already knew, on a friends only basis (although I knew he wanted more). I explained to him that, in addition to some other reasons (him being too old for me and us not having enough commonalities); I also had herpes to deal with. I was actually hoping it would stop him in his tracks but, it didn't. He spent some time thinking about it and told me he had decided he would not sleep with me, but was willing to 'make out' (whatever the hell that means.....). His comment about HIS decision about what would/would not be acceptable to HIM (instead of a joint decision.....), along with a comment he made about herpes being the fault of women to begin with because we kiss our children was enough for me to shut down the friendship completely. But, it gave me a hint of what I might expect...... The second was someone I met on a dating site. On our first date, we met for coffee and went for a lengthy walk. We started texting and within a few days, he made a comment which led me to believe he was thinking of us having sex. I immediately told him about my herpes situation and it turns out he used to get oral cold sores himself. I explained to him that his cold sores were caused by the exact same virus and he seemed pretty cool about it. I indicated that I would never be sleeping with anyone unless they first went for full STD testing, including type specific HSV testing (and shared the results with me, as I will share mine with them). He seemed to be ok with that and we even had a second coffee date. Then, he disappeared. I've met a third man and we also had the herpes talk on our very first coffee date. We've met a second time and are meeting again tomorrow. I've not yet told him about my STD testing requirement but he's had his own STD scare, so I'm somewhat hopeful he will be more understanding and receptive. If not, I can't waste my time worrying about what I can't control. PS: For what it's worth......While they couldn't get past my herpes for their own personal reasons (fear? ignorance?), the first two men both commended me for my honesty. The third man didn't say anything during our first coffee date but, later that evening, I got a text from him telling me about his own STD scare and how, from me, he now knows that - no matter what happens - everything's going to be ok. I think those acknowledgements prove that my decision to be upfront at the start is a good one.

I have herpes. Type 1 for sure. Waiting on results of type specific testing to see if I might also have type 2. I am considering a relationship with someone and have told him my status. I don't know yet at this point if he'll even be good with continuing towards anything.... On the chance that he's ok with it, I'm thinking of asking him whether he'd be willing to have type specific testing done himself. He may or may not already carry the virus. I'm thinking that I'd feel more comfortable knowing if he does or not - if he already carries the virus and ends up with an outbreak at some point in future, I would at least not have to worry about whether or not he got it from me to begin with. Does my thinking on the above make sense to anyone but me? Also - I'm assuming that, since type specific testing is checking for antibodies (absence or presence), it would be a valid test for anyone; regardless of whether they carry the virus or not. Does anyone know if I'm correct in this assumption? Also - there is so much stuff on the internet about herpes and some of it is contradictory, so I find myself becoming easily confused. Based on my outbreak symptoms and in view of the fact they appeared 3 days after I had sex (including oral) with my (now ex) partner, I was led to believe by both my doctor and the sexual health clinic that it was a brand new infection. Some of what I've read on line tends to back that up. Other things I have read indicate that a first time outbreak can happen years after initial infection. What I wonder about though is ..... would my symptoms have been as strong as they were if it was a first occurrence years after initial infection? Can anyone shed some informed light on this for me?

There is so much that I have trouble with. 1) Herpes is a virus, in the same family as chickenpox and mononucleosis (plus a few more). The only difference seems to be that the others are air borne and this one is transmitted via skin to skin contact. Why are we, the general public, still so uneducated about it? When I experienced my outbreak and told my (now ex) partner about it, he informed me that he was tested for std's every year as part of his annual physical. When I asked him if he had ever paid for herpes testing, he was taken aback. He was completely unaware (as was I) that herpes is not routinely tested for - ever - unless you specifically request it and are willing to pay for it. When I spoke to a much younger woman (early 30's) in my circle about herpes - she was familiar with herpes and the fact there are two types (oral and genital) yet, she was also completely unaware that herpes is not routinely tested for. 2) Why is a cold sore on the lip acceptable (albeit unpleasant), yet the same cold sore on my genitals makes me a promiscuous whore (I was married for almost 40 years to one man and yet now, in the eyes of one person who was never properly educated - I am nothing but a filthy germ)? 3) Why is the medical profession itself so uneducated about it? I had STD testing done when my marriage ended, assuming STD testing tested for ALL possible sexually transmitted diseases. Why I am only NOW - 8 years and one more ex partner later - finding out that herpes is not included in STD testing? Why would NO ONE in the medical profession tell someone that? It is quite possible I was exposed to the HSV virus as a child. Since my outbreak 3-1/2 months ago, I have spoken to my 91 year old mother about cold sores and, sure enough, she confirmed my vaguely recalled memory that she used to have cold sores. Oral cold sores. I NEVER experienced a cold sore, in 62 years of living, until 3-1/2 months ago. Within 3 days of having sex (including oral), with my (now ex) partner of over two years, I experienced the classic symptoms of a 'brand new'/'first time' infection: Genital lesions Extremely painful urination High fever Flu Like symptoms (aches, hot episodes followed by extreme chills) Weakness Fatigue I have difficulty believing that I have carried this virus since childhood, or since the days of my marriage, without ever experiencing some kind of similar episode (which I never did). My (now ex) partner is gone. He refused to even try to understand. My doctor tells me I should just 'get over it' and accept it as part of life. The sexual health clinic can't tell me for sure which is the best test I should get (all they can tell me - their words, not mine - is that they know there are tests available but they don't know which tests the labs actually use). 4) I'm just generally pissed off that I'm supposed to feel ashamed (which I don't). I'm a good and decent person. Something shitty happened to me. Why do I have to bear society's ignorant stigmas as a result?

Thanks. From what I've read, about 40% of people will only ever have one hsv1 genital outbreak. It would be somewhat comforting to know what category I fall into but I guess I'll have to learn to live with not ever knowing that, on top of not ever knowing for sure how I got infected. AS a 60+ woman who was married for almost 40 years to one man, this is the last thing I ever expected I would have to deal with in my life.......