m8kingArt

@kylee1989 Thank you for letting me know your thoughts on the guides! It's much appreciated. I'm looking forward to when they are available again. Sorry to hear that things were so difficult at first. I know the struggle. I'm sure the vast majority of us do. Thank you for sharing that here. And it sounds like the guides have helped a ton for you! That's great, positive news! I know I've struggled with beating myself up all my life. And this just added to it. Though it's something I've been working on and improving every day. I'm glad to hear something similar with you! So amazing to hear you being loving and accepting of yourself just as you are in this moment! Best of luck to you and thank you again for sharing. Ryder

@thegreatestgood thank you very much for this! I'll definitely read through all the information. Sounds like quite a bit of info. Have you found the information in this to hold true for you in your personal experience?

@centern I'm sorry this is causing so much confusion and sadness. You're not deserving of that sort of treatment. By anyone. Yeah, who knows about the theory you have. She could just be struggling with her own self worth and the relationship with you was a reflection back on her of her own issues that have gone unresolved. If she's not communicating, it's anyone's guess. Glad you're finding a therapist! Given your history, things like this are easier to move beyond with the right help. It's not easy, just easier. And issues like you just went through are just so much more hurtful and confusing. I'm very sorry that this is going on. Let me know if you need anything.

@centern I did actually read the entire story, and thank you again for sharing it! I was trying to make the point, and maybe you've already gotten there, that she made her decision not based on who you are, but on who she is. As you said, you have a mountain of evidence that shows you care for her and are attracted. Your friend confirmed that she, and most women, would not treat you the way that she has. If someone called you an a**hole and you know you're not and that they're wrong, would their saying that make you feel like and a**hole? You can't MAKE someone feel a certain way. They make themselves feel a certain way. I've no doubt that she said you make her feel dirty. What I'm saying is that YOU didn't. She made herself feel dirty. And unfortunately you feel like you're the one to blame for her feelings. Brother, I've been there. I'm there now. I'm working through it and it blows. I'm sorry you're feeling what you feel and suffering. I am hoping you can find the space in your heart to care, love, honor and respect yourself as much as you do her. I could be totally wrong, though it sounds like you might be wondering how you made her feel the way she did and possibly beating yourself up over it. It's causing confusion, sadness, frustration and fear. We have it hard enough and beating ourselves up over things we can't control makes it so much harder. I'm just sharing what I've learned (and still struggle with) through therapy in hopes it may help. I'm not trying to dictate and I feel bad saying anything at all because I don't want to over step boundaries or pretend I know what you're going through. I simply see similarity in situations and thought process between is. I know it occupies your mind and I hope you have the support around you to have the hurt lessen every day. I wish the best for you and that the healing is gentle and positive.

@centern I'm going through something similar with a woman and it's really, really hurtful and difficult. The thing I'm learning is that her distance, lack of empathy, lack of showing understanding and/or compassion has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her, her past (knowing her past as I do) and her inability and/or lack of will to face it. And with those of us with deep wounds from our past, these emotions are especially powerful and that much more difficult to navigate and regulate. So, I feel your pain. I really do. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing all of this with us. I hope you find some solace in the process. If she's blaming you, if she's saying this process is making her feel dirty, that's on her and not on you. Not to be disrespectful. A woman who truly feels for you, wants to be with you, see's how amazing you are would try to work it out with you. If she's unable or unwilling or both, then how can you move forward? It doesn't give you anything to work with. She's not meeting you half way and that's not fair. It sucks. It's hurtful. I'm sorry you're feeling that. I hope you know, even though we don't know each other, I hope you find peace within yourself with all of this. I hope it gets better. I hope you find the love you deserve. I'm sending you love, man. We all need support and acceptance. You have mine. Have you talked to a therapist about this? I have mine, and while I'm struggling right now, I know the work I do now will pay dividends. Good luck to you!

@optimist That all makes complete sense to me. The appreciation you had for someone accepting you for who you are, especially after having negative results with disclosure is completely natural. Though I definitely get what you're saying about the perceived pressure he may have felt. And that the praise you gave him in a sense buys into the stigma. Did you ask him, when you were feeling his pulling back, if it had anything to do with the HSV?

@optimist That's a really interesting perspective that you may have negated his ability to share feelings. What makes you think that? Because you think he would have been afraid to let you down in a sense? So he might not have communicated what might have actually been going on for him? Thank you for sharing. That's great insight and something I hand't thought of.

Any groups in Colorado? （^人^） Yes, there are several groups in CO. There is the ColoradoHClub.com and some private Facebook groups where you have to know someone to get invited into them.

Hello all, The Lifestyle Guides sound really amazing and I know they are not available at the moment which is too bad. If you've used them, how did it affect your view of yourself? Did it affect you? Did it make positive impact in your life? How have things changed for you? Thank you in advance for sharing!

@optimist I agree. Showing appreciation for someone being a good person and being accepting is one thing. Though too much of that makes it seem like you're thanking someone for accepting that fact that you've made some kind of a mistake. Which obviously isn't the case. Perfectly flawed, right? Sounds like your process was positive though hard at times. And it's great that this platform helped. I plan on using it too. Shared experience can be such great support. Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate it.

@optimist Wow, amazing insight. Thank you very much. It's amazing what you can learn and what things I can make myself aware of when someone shares their knowledge. I appreciate it. That makes so much sense about the first guy who you found to be accepting. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing. I will have to keep that in mind as I move forward. We aren't "lucky" to have an accepting person in our lives. It's what every person deserves, no matter if they have HSV or not. I'm sorry the relationship that you were in when you were first diagnosed went away and the first several months were tough. What did you do to be kind to yourself and support yourself? Thank you again.

@optimist I actually took it off my profile and I think it's the smarter move. If I limit myself right off the bat, how would someone know how amazing I am if they judge me immediately upon reading the fact that I have HSV. I've not given myself the opportunity of meeting a woman who might look past it after getting to know me first. I did a word/term search on Match and didn't find one person who disclosed on their profile. So I thought better of it. How has your experience been with dating with herpes? Ups and downs? Are you with someone now? I am still processing all of this and any individual insight is always helpful!

What is your reasoning surrounding not including the HSV info on the profile? If you don't mind my asking. I'm trying to get as much information and insight as I can to help me process all of this. Thank you for your response!

I recently got diagnosed with HSV 2 and am 45 and single. I've been dating for year, looking for a long term relationship and/or marriage. It was difficult enough prior to the diagnosis. Now it seems incredibly daunting. I've been using online dating and I put on my profile that I have HSV 2 on the non-H specific site. I've also created a profile on H-specific sites though there don't seem to be many women on there. I'd rather put it out there, be honest, not have to have the conversation after someone gets to know me and might be shocked. I did this after reading about others who have done the same. Though, I'm a guy and I think it will be different for me than it will be for the woman I read about. Are there singles out there that have experience with this? Experience with disclosure after getting to know someone, disclosure up front? Any advice, feedback and/or thoughts. Fear and uncertainty can be so difficult to navigate so I appreciate anything anyone shares. Thank you in advance for your support! And know I support all of you amazing, courageous, thoughtful people on this forum!

I'm sorry you're suffering, man. I know how you feel. She's feeling rejected as are you. I hope she comes to understand that you're hurt too. Talking and coming together can heal. As labyrinth mentioned, there could be any number of reasons why she is acting the way she is. And her not communicating that to you is hurtful. All you can do is reach out if that's comfortable for you. It seems like if she were not interested in any resolution, she would not respond at all. Maybe she is looking for you to continue to reach out because she feels wronged. And you making the continued effort would show her that you care. I'm speculating. If you can make space for her, telling her you're there for her if she wants to talk, maybe she will feel comfortable and safe enough to communicate with you. I hope it goes your way. None of us should feel rejected. But it happens. And it's not because you're a bad person or not desirable. It's because of their choices based on themselves. Not you and who you are. You've been brave and vulnerable in sharing what you've shared with her and with us. And I commend you for it. Best of everything to you!