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warmcuddles

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  1. Hi All I would like to raise a recent media topic that really troubled me. Allegedly Jim Carrey gave a 28year old 3 stds. It's been said it's HSV1, HSV2 and HPV. Apparently this was the cause or motivation for her suicide... Now, not withstanding that these are still allegations and not proven as yet. If it were the case, is that really a reason to kill oneself? I understand that feelings of betrayl, rejection and lowered self worth would naturally crop up, however, I worry that this coverage will alienate those newly diagnosed with STDS and justify that self-loathing period to something far more sinister . I think the media should be more responsible overall for all topics.. And especially this one. Especially in a time where, as per the past too, stds are exceptionally common and mostly, part of being sexually active. I don't condone knowingly passing on stds, I also dont suggest having them is easy or no stress. But how does blaming a alleged carrier for suicide help ANYONE, victim, carrier or society ? It jsut further stigmatises stds - really we should be talking about mental health and society. Any thoughts?
  2. @sail honestly it's not a given to get cancer and my odds are good to beat it. If I'm one of the 10% who don't beat it, there are precautionary minor procedures to avoid it developing to cancer so it really is ok :) Thanks so much
  3. @sail well lol I have the cancer strain! That's partly why I waswas overwhelmed.. Still, doesn't mean you have will definitely have cancer. Just have to maintain checkups. I'm one and half year in with six more months to clear the virus. Even if I don't. Cervical cancer has excellent treatment rates. I hope u find a wonderful man x
  4. Dear @lifeisgood i re-read your message many times in past few days. It rang home so much xx thank yu from the bottom of my heart. I am so happy you and your husband are back together i wish you nothing but success, love, understanding and honest loving communication - you deserve it! You are right that its something you have to let go of, like a death isnt it? And im sure @sail is right that a traumatic abusive past made me feel unsafe again - it triggered past pain and made me feel he was the abuser, abusing my body with this disease. And old issues of not trusting myself to protect myself from pain resurfaced. So thank you so much for being my inspiration here and for the gentleness on my partner - he is truly a good man and i do feel very loved with him. I never expected all these issues to come out from hpv and herpes, but i guess its meant to me. Otherwise, maybe id never open up to him about a messed up past, becuase i was ashamed. its amazing how things link and relate isnt it? Thank you again xx hugs
  5. Dear @sail Thank you so much for your input. You are spot on. I do have a lot of underbelly issues from a traumatic upbringing with many abuse issues around emotional, mental and physical aspects. Its only now at nearing 30 that I start to unpack all of that and set bigger boundaries with my family. Sometimes they still tryt o make me doubt my relationships and make me feel unlovable and that I should return home to playthe punching bag and family therapist. But i refuse. Its sad to learn they dont care and all that abuse was endured for nothing. I guess thats the hallmark of emotional abuse - you think its for a purpose or reason and one day youl be rewarded, loved, the favour of sacrifice will come back - but it never does. They are as selfish today as they were then. I actually started therapy a few years back for an unrelated situation and found it amazing and wonderful. I thought I was the crazy, bad one - in fact I realised I had been a victim of my family. It shifted my whole view on life and myself in such a profound way. I will do more therapy in time, right now im away from my husband but when we settle again i will. it is helpful and its almost sad unpacking all the abuse however, because i just fel so sorry for the younger me. I do know that stop living in disney land and pretending my past is fine is important for healing though. Just so hard to reconcile the truth with the truth, when my coping mechanism was dellusion. and amke believe. to just get through. Thank you xx
  6. I typed you a "book" and only the first line appears on here! Did you get the whole page? I am brand new to the forus and this was my first post. I didn't get the novel :( can u resend?
  7. Thanks so so very much for your reply. I agree i feel this grieving and blaming is somehow part of acceptance. I am starting to dislike myself for holding a grudge. I have tried my hardest to be positive. What has happened is, I've recently had a bad outbreak and it brings up old issues of sadness about it. Feeling worthless. I'm also apart from him temporarily while we sort out visa issues, So maybe the bigger issue here for me is trust. In general - with anyone. It isn't just with him, though it comes out with him. My family and parents were not actively involved in my welfare and safety after I left home, not much when i was growing up either. It was a very abusive scary household. In a way I almost expect abuse - so that when i finally found a nice man. I felt this was like a punishment for getting what i wanted. And i was waiting to find out more bad things about him i guess...but since that, its just been full of love. Maybe this brought out my deeper issues a little more. Which isnt fun. But yes I agree, its counterproductive now adn I need to trust, let go and enjoy the relationship. Thank you.
  8. Hi All So, two years ago I got diagnosed with HSV2. I had moved overseas to be with my boyfriend. It was our first two months of living together and stupidly I did not insist on an STD check. We were caught up in the passion. He told me he got coldsores on his mouth from the start of the relationship and I was glad he informed me as I did not have any kind of herpes. We agreed to avoid kissing when he felt one coming on. And when it happend - we did just that. I felt respected and good. All in all I felt loved, happy, respected and madly in love. Until I wake up with the symptoms one day in agony. Coincidentally in the light of day see a sore on his genitals. I instinctively knew what it was. I asked him 'what is that?' and he saidit's a sore from having too much sex. He said It comes sometimes, maybe I'm too rough . He said I just put cream on it. I say well, that looks like herpes to me... He said what do you mean? And he looked genuinely ignorant. I said, you know how you get coldsores, its that, but on ur genitals. Have you ever seen a Dr about it? And he said No no i dont think its that - how? Anyway long story short he came with me to the Dr where they confirmed HSV2. I was devastated. in pain. angry. sad. I felt trapped. We did a full STD screen of both of us and it came back with HSV2 for us both. So I guess the one on his mouth is HSV2, as is the genital one. Anyway he cried and cried and cried and was apologising profusely swearing black and blue he never knew he had the genital one. He called his sister and mother with my permission to tell them what happened and they were very loving and kind to me. His sister said I had a right to be pissed off - but also believed , as did his mum, that he really never knew. We moved past it slowly but i felt resentment to him. I tried not to feel it but I did. I felt depressed to be honest. I asked if he cheated or something, he said no unfortunately its just because he has always had it and never been diagnosed. He said outbreaks for him were limited to what i saw. Which was one, tiny little red sore. So small you would think it was an ingrown hair. Anyway, 6 months on and we are still together. I have my 3 year pap smear and low and behold have high risk HPV. I completely lose my shit. I had never heard of HPV. We both went to drs in shock, as we thought our full std screening included this but it didnt. I now lose all faith in him and our relationship. I lose more respect and self esteem. I get depressed. gain weight. Stop going gym. Stop looking good for myself and him and he keeps trying and being nice but eventually pulls away to friends too. We argue a lot and still feel the love, but the trust is somehow broken. The gyno we saw when i had a colopscopy discharged me saying my biopsy is normal and fine - thank god. He said hpv is so common and condoms dont protect anyway. I ask about cheating and he laughs and is kind, my partner is so ashemed on verge of tears, the dr looks at us and says no, you can carry it from ur first partner to ur last - no way to know. He said it tends to reveal itself whent he immune system is low. My immune system was SO low. My dad got cancer in that time, I started a new job in a new country, new relationship, herpes, now HPV . I was fried. Anyway. Now its 2.5 years into the relationship. He has been supportive attending regular dr appointments with me. He cooks good food and is keen to learn about lysine and natural supplements. He is loving and nurturing and never gives me reason to think he is cheating or ever would (withthe exception of these stds) So i really dont know what to do..because inside I still resent him for this. I dont know how to get past it. i dont know how to forgive - purely because I dont believe he didnt realsie he had genital herpes...he had the mouth one, he knows what it looks like, how could he not put 2 and 2 together? Then again he does come from a very conservative eastern, muslim culture that isnt as open as we are in the west about sex. It is shamed and youre expected to figure these things out alone. He told me all he knew is what his mum drummed into him about wear a condom for protection agaisnt HIV. so, he did! Anyway I hope someone on here can please give me some advice on how to proceed. I dont mean to be too graphic but when I asked him when he first noticed the sore on himself he told me it was 4 years ago in his room. He had been masturbating , he distinctly remembered the moment because he spat on his hand and when he rubbed himself it hurt in one place, he looked and figured his thumb ring must have caught the skin. He siad thats the first time he really went 'whats that?'. As for HPV, its true I could have had it before I met him but no pap smear before picked it up. So its awfully coincidental. I did meet him 6 months after the end of his relationship with a woman. But we didnt sleep together until months later. So, I'm not sure if that means anything, but, anyway... I do love him. I love him SO much. He is kind, makes me feel beautiful even when I have breakouts, his family love and welcome me, he gives 100percent of his effort in all he does. His friends are nice and his humour is amazing. He did cry and feel shame and sadness after all this. So hes not emotionally void. I just wish I culd stop resenting him and move on. Then again i do doubt mysef . What if its all lies, what if he did know he had it and gave it to me to trap me, or didnt care? What if he lies - that would be a huge issue . Your input encouraged - sorry for length jsut feels so good to get this off my chest. I have only told one friend and my mum . Adn my mum is very judgemntal and now kinda bitchy to him which i hate and set a boundary with. When i was young, she told me an aunty of mine had genital herpes - and used to say 'ewww thats viral, so disgusting, thats what you get for sleeping around with those dirty surfer guys'. And even as a kid i thought wow, thats so mean. Its not her fault. I guess i regret telling her. but in the moment of panic overseas with no true or deep friends u can trust, and not even sure if ur partner is for real,,,its like, what choice do i have...anyway. Thanks guys. Feels good to talk x
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