Lunali

Hey, so I was told by my doctor that I have HSV 2 a few months ago, but when I went back to get the results and everything on paper, it says I am positive for HSV 1 and not HSV 2. The thing is, I've recently started dating a guy and now I don't know how to approach the disclosing. We have already kissed plenty and I have no idea where the virus is located now, but before I thought it was genitally. Now I'm not so sure. So any tips on how to do this?

Aw thank you. I really hope so too. Whenever I tell during the coming weeks, I'll post an update.

Yes MMissouri, I'm gonna bring up that I'd like us both to get tested (again) since it's a new relationship.

Jason88s: I will definitely disclose before we go to that place in our relationship. I did not have a choice just like you and it sucks. I could never do that to someone else, no matter how tempting it is to just forget and ignore my positive diagnosis. I'm just trying to figure out HOW to tell him. How to bring it up. I've figured out I want to do it at hos place when I am driving so that I can get out of there ASAP if it doesn't go well. I will also bring it up in a casual way, like " Hey so since I feel like it's gonna get more intimate between us soon, I'd love it if we talked about safe sex and so on." I will not bring any information with me except the one I have memorized, like statistics and how it has affected my life. I want it to be a discussion more than me preaching.

You should do anything you can to go see a doctor. It sucks, yeah, but it's something that needs to be done. They won't send anything to you if you tell them your situation. I told my doctor the same and they told me to call them instead of calling me. Just let them know and they'll adapt.

Did your partner pass on HSV to you? Why are you angry?

Hey, I just need to ramble a bit and build on that H confidence of mine. I was diagnosed with HSV2 about 4 months ago now after a pretty painful outbreak. I knew before I got the results that I was positive, I could just feel it, so when I did it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I was sexually assaulted at a party on New Year's Eve this year by a random guy I had shown no interest in whatsoever. I was dating someone else and happy about it. To this day, I don't know if I passed out from too much drinking or if he slipped something in my drink, but based on how much I had, the second alternative is the most likely one. It was hard to move past that night, to see myself as worthy again. My "innocence" felt violated. I felt dirty and like it was my fault. It took weeks before I understood that I was the victim and not the one to blame, no matter how many drinks I may have had. My friends helped me move past it by making sure I was busy. I also started talking to a guy online 5 days after it happened but we will get to that later. The result of the sexual assault, the rape, was that I stopped drinking. I feel very uncomfortable around strangers that are drunk and sometimes even drunk people I know. Health became more important so I started eating better, exercising and making sure I stayed on top of my physical health as well as my mental health. The guy I started talking to shortly after does not drink either and that pulled me in. As it turns out, he has a great personality and, if I may say so, he's a hottie. But we never met those first few months of talking so I started dating my now ex. When Mr. Online then finally asked me out, I told him I was seeing someone else and he started dating as well. We kept on talking every day like usual and we became even better friends. In July, I had my first OB (and only so far). It hurt, I went to the doctor and they tested me. I told my boyfriend who supported me and said it didn't matter to him. I got the results, positive, and he immediately changed approach and accused me of cheating. After that nasty fight we were pretty much doomed. I kept on going though, because even if he had been cruel, I still had feelings for him. Not electrical ones, but he was safe. He wanted me no matter what my status was. I was worth it and a lot more to him. Then came the final nail. Mr Online ended whatever it was he had with the girl he was seeing because he couldn't stop thinking about ME. HSV2 positive me. Now he didn't know at the time and still doesn't, but the connection we had made me end it with my boyfriend. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst (I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out to avoid a future disclosure) I met Mr Online in the beginning of November and we had a great time. Instant connection and attraction. Sparks. Fantastic kiss at the end. I was on cloud nine crying because I was happy and scared afterwards. The next time I saw him was just as good. Same with the third time and we now know we want something serious. An official stamp on what we are. But I am now scared. Going forward will mean sex eventually (yes, please, btw because again, he's a catch) and with sex comes disclosure. My first one going into a new relationship. Disclosure. On the last date I watched him in secret and remembered just that. I thought "Soon you'll know and then everything will change." I told myself to treasure these blissful dates we have before he knows. But today, I'm saying this: "I am worth it. Even if I had every STD out there, I'd still be worth the risk. If someone can't see that, then that's definitely not the one and is not worth my time or effort. H seems bad to people that doesn't have it, and I get it. The unknown is scary. But H is NOT a big deal. It does NOT end my life. Especially not my just started sex life. It's an outbreak every now and then, and I might not even get any after that first one. It's having to tell people before you start something intimate with them. But that's ok. It'll be like the sorting hat from Harry Potter. It'll show me who is worth it to ME. I'll take this diagnosis and make it mine. I'll be in control and confident, because I am worth every risk." So, in the next few weeks I'm gonna tell this guy. I'll put the Herpes-hat on his head and see if HE is worth it to me. If he really is the whole package. I really hope he is, and no matter how confident I am, I will be devastated if he decides to move on without me. But I'll move on as well. And I'll find the guy I'll take weekend trips with and the one that'll go crazy for me no matter what I tell him. Because H doesn't stand for Herpes anymore. H stands for Hat.

Exactly. Personally, I came to terms with it. For ME it's not a big deal. It doesn't change my life other than that from now on, I'll have to tell potential partners. And that will be fine. This is the first time I'll disclose and it'll be scary. Ignoring it seems very easy and inviting, but I can't. I wasn't given a choice or even a way to get out of it, and I can't make someone else feel that way. Especially not someone I care about. I think I'm gonna try to take it slow. We have been on one date, then watched a football game at his place a few days later. I want him to know me before so that he's aware of all the good parts and how this "thing" isn't worth the worry. So I'm gonna tell him I want to feel comfortable with him before we go there and when I feel confident, I'll tell him. Just like I've practiced during late night chats with myself :P And then it'll be up to him to decide if he is interested in me enough to take the small risk. And I'll just have to remember that I am worth it. IF anyone else has any tips, please share. Maybe how to begin the conversation. I thought about bringing it up as a "safe sex" talk. Like a discussion about previous experiences with STDs...

Thanks. When I said I was safe, I meant that before the diagnosis I went to get tested with the first guy I was with. I knew that none of us had something that could be passed on. Then the assault happened and I'm trying to figure that out. I don't really know why I would disclose the assault thing. Maybe it is because I don't want to feel guilty. Maybe it's because I want him to know. I haven't figured out that part yet. All I know is that I really care about this guy and I feel so happy every time I think about it. Then I remember that I have to disclose and I break apart. It's unfair that people have to go through this. I had one OB and so far that's been it. But even so, it's not the OBs that are the bad part. For me it's the feeling of being afraid and not good enough. I'm working so hard on my self esteem. Working out and eating right both to stay healthy and to feel better about myself. And most of the time I'm fine. I feel like myself and to ME, my diagnosis isn't a big deal. I can handle it. It won't kill me and it's just a skin disease. What makes me hate myself on the bad days is how other people see it. And that's the worst part. No matter how well I'm accustomed to being positive, there will ALWAYS be stigma around it.

Hey, so I have been talking to a guy over text for almost a year now and we just met for the first time last week. I was so incredibly nervous that we wouldn't hit it off, but we did. It was great. Fun and easygoing and with that great kiss in the end. I went over to his place yesterday and it was just as fun, for me at least, and then an even better goodbye kiss. The thing is, he's been clear about his interest about eventually become more serious and I feel the same way. BUT... I was diagnosed with HSV2 about 3-4 months ago, after I was sexually assaulted. I haven't told him any of this yet and I'm trying to figure out when to disclose. I know he's very careful about STD's and that makes me terrified that me telling him will blow my chances with a guy I care about a LOT. It's scary. He will be the first one I disclose to since the diagnosis and I'm also asking myself if I should tell him how I contracted it. It's been about 10 months since it happened and I have moved past the incident. The diagnosis just brought everything back and I'm now stuck with a reminder of what happened after being so careful about sex before. I had been with only one guy before the assault, I'm 20, and I knew how to be safe. But in the assault case, I didn't have a choice in the matter and I feel like that's important. Like that somehow shows that I'm still me. And the silly thing is, I know HSV in any shape or form isn't a sign of bad people. It doesn't mean I'm not worth the effort. I know I am. But I still can't shake the feeling that telling him how I got it might make him understand me more. But at the same time, I've heard that some guys can't handle the news of a girl they like going through something like that. But do I really want to be with someone that can't support me even because of that, in case I ever feel down? Probably not. SO THE QUESTION, all in all, my question is, how and when to disclose? We've talked every day for almost a year and it's been a week since we first met. And what do I tell him? Any advice will be appreciated greatly, because this is a guy I don't want to lose.

Thanks. My doctor literally didn't tell me any of this. I got a call and he said "Yeah unfortunately your're positive" and that was it. It's almost 3 months now and I've only had that one OB so I'm hoping it stays that way, but I want to get on it for whoever I'm with.

Thank you guys for the advice. I think I already knew most of this but I needed someone to tell me straight out. I've just been trying to find excuses to take the easy way out. But I've read so much here and I know HSV (no matter if it's 1 or 2) is NOT a death sentence. I keep telling myself that it is just a skin disease that people know very little about and thus have very strong opinions of because it comes with the tag "STD". I did before I got my results. I prepared for my life to just die out because of it. So thanks for the help :)

I was diagnosed about 2 months ago with HSV2 and I'm trying to deal with the results. What are the medications to suppress HSV2? How much does it cost a month? Any info would be helpful. Thanks :)

Hi everyone. I'm 20 years old and after 3 sexual partners (only one long term) I've been diagnosed with HSV2 about 2 months ago. From the information I've read, my boyfriend of 8 months gave it to me. It's either that or from New Year's Eve when I was sexually assaulted, but the chance is slim. I had just started getting over that when I got the results after an OB in mid July. I care a lot about my boyfriend, but I resent him for this. He refuses to get tested, because he says it doesn't matter, he loves me and that I should be happy that he still wants me. A few weeks later he proposed, and all I could remember was how he still wants me even after this. I said yes even though my whole body told me not to. I'm not happy, I don't want to have sex with him or even see him and he's just hoping it'll pass. I am pretty sure it won't because just 10 months ago I started talking to a guy (let's call him J) and we've been talking ever since. I should've stopped after I met my boyfriend, but I just couldn't and I feel terrible about it (which should've been a sign that I don't really love my boyfriend like I thought). J is funny and intelligent and basically my dream guy. We were supposed to meet in April, but it didn't happen since I was dating my boyfriend and then J got into a relationship himself. Now he's single again, saying it was hard to be with someone when him and I talk every damn minute over text and that he would love to meet me. It's what I've been waiting for. Except, now I have HSV2. Last time we talked about STD's and sexual partners (yes we've talked about it all, except my incident on New Year's Eve), I was sure I was clean and I told him as much. I get tested in between relationships to make sure I'm good. Just a few minutes ago we talked about it again and he said he was happy I didn't have a whole Santa list of previous partners, since that lowers the risk of me having an STD. It broke my heart, but since I've read that it's best to disclose in person with your facts straight, all I said was "Yes, that does lower the risk." Because it does. I'm just very unlucky to have caught it just a year after I had sex for the first time. He then kept on going and said he's terrified of STD's (and other things that don't matter). So what do I do? I want to end things with my boyfriend because I'm so unhappy, but then who would want to risk it for me? I want to do that, go on that date J and I have been gushing about for months, then tell him after a few weeks and have his support. I want him to tell me it doesn't matter. We'll figure it out. But what are the odds of that happening? I wish I could just forget and not know, but that would be unfair to him, because I don't want him not to have a choice in the matter like I did. I want him to know and not care. I just want all of that, but I'm so scared of taking the risk. Sometimes I think I should just delete his number and remember him and us as this great thing that could've happened. So yeah. I need advice. What would you do in my situation?