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zebrafish

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  1. Thank you for your kind words, Whoopsi. What you are saying is very true, but I think it will need some practice to get it into my brain. On the positive side, today is a much better herpes day. :)
  2. I don't get this. I was so fine about this whole herpes thing, but now it's going downwards again. My stupid cervix won't stop bleeding, and even though the bf doesn't mind, I do mind. It is scary, even if I know what's up down there. And it restrains me, as I always have to worry about it. There is no more efficient mood killer than thinking of your bleeding cervix, I promise. It makes me angry and sad.
  3. Oh wow, I guess I did. How very sneaky! I was actually talking to a therapist about the 'observer self' and the 'judging self' the other day. I guess it all comes down to be able to think "oh, I'm judging myself again" and let that feeling pass without judging that. So much to work on. :) Thank you for pointing it out though, Adrial. I guess this is a trap very many people fall into. I wonder why it is so easy to be mean towards yourself, when you would never treat others that way.
  4. You are right. I cry very easily, and even though I'm now more comfortable with it than before, I still tend to see it as a weakness and judge myself for it. It is silly, and I'm working on that one. :)
  5. That sounds wonderful, lelani! I am so happy for you! I've been having some problems with weird bleeding lately. It turned out it's just some hsv-1 on my cervix, but for a while I was really freaked out and stressed about it, and again my guy proved to me how wonderful and accepting he is. I'd start crying (I know, I know...I'm a baby) and he'd just hold me until I got myself together. :) And as soon as they called and told me what it was, things changed for the better. x
  6. I'll see another doctor back in my country. Hopefully they have a better policy. I went to the GUM clinic for some other problems that I think are related to herpes (bleeding after sex, every time - apparently due to an irritated cervix, although they don't know why THAT is..), and they said that 'at this hospital we do not even treat recurrences with medication. Nope'. I'm clearly not in luck with my doctors, but on the other hand I will hopefully never need treatment. I'm really scared of getting a new OB though. I'm doing a pretty difficult degree, and I've already spent the first half of this term being ill due to herpes (and after that a really bad cold, which I assume I got because my immune system was too tired to care). I just don't have TIME to deal with the physical part of herpes, and much less the emotional chaos it comes with. :/
  7. Hm. Apparently it is not something they do unless you have really bad problems. UK seem to have more restrictive medication policies than the US. I'll keep on nagging them though. :)
  8. Oh darnit. This waiting game is getting quite annoying.. ;) Thank you for your answer though - this I did not know, and it seems to be quite tricky to get hold on the right information out there.
  9. I have a follow-up question! Is the no-sex-with-visible-symptoms due to the risk of spreading the virus, or is there a risk of aggravating the OB in oneself? My question is really - if the partner has it already and you don't hurt during sex, is there any reason to wait anyway?
  10. My GP kindly let me know that it is not UK policy to give suppressing medication except in extreme cases. As I've just been diagnosed with H I'm most likely looking forward to a year of rather frequent OBs. Yay. Anyone from the UK who has anything to say about this? Am I just unlucky with which doctor I ended up with (she had to check it up in her little book, as she had NO CLUE WHATSOEVER about the recommendations for H medication), or have you had the same experience? I want something to keep this virus silent, sleepy and out of the way! :-O
  11. Thank you both for your kind words. I really needed someone to tell me that I will be okay, and hey - now I am! I am coming to terms with the whole thing now - quicker than I thought possible. I think that H has tought me that I am stronger than I thought. All that self-esteem building over the past few years must have worked, for already I feel almost as well as a week ago, and in some ways stronger. This episode has reminded me that I need to take care of myself and my health, and it has put other 'problems' in perspective. So in a way, it has been a gift, if maybe (let's face it) a very itchy gift. (Aaaaah so irritating!!) Adrial, thank you so much for the homework! I have started to look through the articles, and I found that the article on using herpes to empower your life was very helpful for me at this stage. :) lelani, thanks for sharing your experiences! I hope that this will be as positive a thing for my relationships as it has turned out to be for yours, and it feels good to know that it is okay to do it 'not quite right'. As it turns out, I started crying like a 5-year old, but that was okay. :) I was listening to one of my favourite songs by U2 today, and re-discovered some of the lyrics that make a little bit extra sense now: "Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things Grace finds beauty in everything Grace finds goodness in everything"
  12. Thank you for you words, lelani. :) I think that he is getting used to the idea. I feel that I have had such a smooth ride with finding out, accepting and disclosing to the people that matter. Within a week I'm already done with all of these things, even the acceptance part is going allright. I'm trying to embrace this and not making a big deal out of it. xx
  13. So, I was not prepared to be writing in here so quickly. No actually, I was not prepared to write in here at all - I was 100% sure that anyone I told would reject me. Silly, I know, but as the H is still very fresh news I'm still learning to be rational about it. I was also very worried that being unable to be neutral about it would have a negative effect on their reactions. (The first person I told was my mum (we are pretty close) as soon as I got the diagnosis, and both of my parents have been really supportive during these first few days. I don't really count that as a real disclosure, because we literally talk about everything.) Yesterday I told my best friend and housemate. She had bought me flowers as she thought I needed cheering up after lying in bed for several days with fever, and of course I ended up crying a river because she was so nice, and I ended up telling her about it. In my hed I had practiced this explanation, how to say things and in which order, but I abandoned my script. Before I could explain very much at all, though, I got the biggest (and most needed) hug of my life, and she told me she gets cold sores all the time and that it's not a big deal. Immediately after telling her and crying in her arms for a little while, I started feeling so much better and more relaxed about the whole situation. It was like a stone fell from my chest, and I ended up sitting on the kitchen floor with my friend, giggling about the whole thing. I love her so much. :) Today, it was boyfriend-telling time. As soon as he got here he wanted to know what kind of sick I am, so I told him 'viral infection, but nothing dangerous' and then took him for a little walk in the sunshine. We sat down on a bench and then I gave him the 'have you ever had cold sores? Do you know what causes them....etc.' talk. A little bit of crying followed (from my side, of course.) And it turns out he HAS had cold sores, and one not very long before I discovered mine (over the Easter break, so I never saw it and therefore I didn't know). I don't blame him for giving H to me (which he most likely did), as neither of us had this possibility on our radar. Instead of leaving me, as I had been afraid he would (silly me), he just held me close and said that even if I should turn out to have HSV-2 instead, he really didn't care as he's probably got it too by now anyway. And now I am the one who have to comfort him, as he feel like the worst person in the world for giving this to me, bless him. It was not at all what I had expected, but it is good in the sense that it forces me to see the situation rationally. It really isn't that big of a deal, it only means that my skin will go painy/itchy sometimes. I also felt that this brought us a little bit closer together. I often say that no one knows me until I let them see me cry, and now he has. I have once again been reminded of what a gentle, accepting and open-minded soul he is, and I think that he was reminded of how much I trust and like him when I told him. All of a sudden I feel like my old self again. I realize I can still laugh about things, I still have an overwhelming urge to 'silly-dance' every time I hear music, I still like the same things I did a week ago, and I still have the same dreams and hopes for my future. The only thing that has changed is that a part of me had to grow up very quickly and deal with the fact of having a lifelong diagnosis. I'm still working on accepting that, but compared to yesterday I have so much more hope. I am also amazed by how much it helped my acceptance process just to tell two of the most important people in my life. Maybe it's just having a good day, or maybe it's that the fever is gone, or maybe it's the sunshine - but having to explain it from a rational point of view, and having to comfort a boyfriend who feels ridiculously guilty over the whole situation, really made me see how little of a deal H is. I might go back to miserable by tonight, but I don't think so. I'm so much more than a skin condition. And I think that it is thanks to you, and the people on this forum, that I managed to realize this so quickly. Thank you. Oh, and if anyone has any advice on how to transform that big, guilt-ridden pile of a young man back into my boyfriend, would you please let me know? ;) Love x
  14. I started having a fever two days before discovering my first outbreak. I didn't have access to a thermometer, but judging the symptoms it was pretty high (probably in the ranges of 39-40°). I usually never get fevers so it took me a while to figure out that I should probably check for it. Today is day 4 and I'm still more or less bed bound. So yeah - simultaneous in my case.
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