howvery

Ok so I promised myself that I would not date for a long while just to keep my head on straight. And I'm going to stick to it. That said, there's this guy. I've known him forever and we even hooked up a couple of times a few years ago, but it didn't end up sticking into a relationship for various reasons. We chatted recently online and talked for an hour and a half. He was totally flirting with me but I kept ignoring it. Here's why I'm freaked out--I've always wanted it to work out with this dude. Obviously, if he's not ok with my HSV-2, it's decided. That's ok. What I'm worried about is-- if he does ask me out again, and if it is going in that direction/the spark is still there, and WHEN i disclose... I don't want to freak the shit out of him about his own health. I have no way of knowing but i am like 95% sure that our dates were well before I was exposed to HSV-2. Basically I don't want to tell him and have him be like "Jesus, were you ever gonna tell me? We used to have sex and you should have." It's both a past and a future partner disclosure! AGH. Anyone have thoughts here?

hi there. I'm about three weeks into my diagnosis. I wanted to share what's going on with me, and how I'm dealing with this new status. A little about me: I'm 27, female, college educated w a good job and a nice family (and yes, I'm an extremely lucky person and I know it). I've never been that successful in the guy department and am one of those girls- the ones who are unsure of themselves in the dating department and are bad at it. A few weeks ago, I was trying to get my health game together. I hadn't been very conscientious about getting tested, birth control, or even managing little illnesses. I had resolved to go and get my health on lock the same week I began to experience some real discomfort. Right around my right butt cheek. I had some pinching as I was peeing, and my lymph nodes were swollen. I began to fear the worst- in my idea, the worst was genital warts. It didn't cross my mind until later that this might be herpes. When I went to get tested, I cried as the doctor swabbed me. She was so sympathetic and immediately offered to put me on antivirals without confirming it was herpes. I knew at that moment it probably was what I was worried about. I was going through what was one of the worst professional days of my life, already crying (hey, big surprise, stress and upset bringing on an OB) when I got the email. There it was- I was positive HSV2 on a genital swab. I had already told three of my closest friends that I was concerned, and this burden was just too much on my own. As soon as I could, I told them. This. was. crucial. While on the one hand, it's embarrassing (when you are thinking about it the wrong way) and you know that every person fears this happening to them so much, so you're kinda freaking them out, too. On the other hand, everyone was nice! And seeing that it could happen to a regular ol' gal like me (I've never even had an official boyfriend, just occasionally dated and slept with a few guys when I felt like it) and researching together made us realize that the big, scary thing is the STIGMA, not the disease. I told both my sisters. And then, I did something I never thought I'd have the strength to do- I called my mom and told her. She was the absolute diamond in the whole bunch. She said "of course, you're a young woman who is unmarried and dating people.. it's ok! It's just a skin thing, and it's gonna be ok. You're gonna get to do all the things you want to do!" After a day of crying and being woeful, I went back to work and functioned like a normal person. I've had some crying jags here and there, but I'm determined to not let this get to me. Here's what I'm learning, what's hard, and what's not. The basics -OK, so I'm uncomfortable. It's itchy. I have no idea if this is just normal human itch or OB itch. It's confusing. I'm asking to go on a second round of the three a day Acyclovir, and then down to the two for suppressive (my doctor seems to be hesitant). There's like, a little red skin pattern that looks like a rash on my mons pubis, but I have no fucking clue of that is just old razor burn or what! -I... love.. coffee. I'm worried I can't have it anymore. I just drank my second cup and immediately began to feel tingles. I think ONE cup a day will have to be my limit (bye afternoon iced coffee! I'll miss you!!). -I am trying to figure out vitamins + food. I bought a bunch of vitamins but I dont know if I bought the right ones. I am a big time veggie eater but I think I could still be healthier. I've read sugar and wheat are huge triggers, as are my beloved blue berries (due to their high lysine) which SUCKS. I'm going to make a concerted effort to reduce my alcohol intake and go nuts on vitamins while eating as clean as possible, especially as I'm so uncomfortable right now. Friends, family + dating -So, outside of my initial super tight girlfriends and family, I havent told anyone. And I don't think I am going to for a while. My very best friend is a boy, and.. I don't know. I just don't want to put this on him. We can talk about anything, but I don't want him worrying about my health. Same goes with my dad and my brother. I just feel like if I can't explain to them everything about having sex, and childbirth, and what it does to my genitals, I can't express to them that I am going to be ok. -Oh that's right-- I've told one other person. The guy who I suspect gave it to me. Since I was last tested (it had been a while) I've slept with 5 guys- three I casually dated, one I met at a concert, and one who was the love of my life (but a truly, truly, terrible person). As the narcissist that he is, he was completely concerned with himself for the initial conversation. He then left me a blackout drunk voicemail a few days later. He implied I gave it to him, and then said "I miss you" and hung up the phone. The biggest and best part of this diagnosis? This person who has sworn up and down that he loves me couldn't care less about my physical, emotional, or mental health. Did it hurt? Yes. Was I finally set free from his utter BS? Absolutely. The stark contrast of the reactions from people who love me vs the reactions from this person was relevatory. The other guys... I'm still torn on whether to disclose. From everything I've read, if you don't know, then blood tests can come back negative. It's like, why would I even tell? it might not come back. -This dude ^^ has wrecked my self esteem and made me question everything about myself. Before I got this diagnosis, my confidence was in the gutter. I already believed deeply that I was going to be alone forever. I'm taking this fall and winter off to get some therapy and focus on myself. If I meet someone naturally, I think I'll consider it- but I'm not going to do the app thing or the positive singles thing until I'm more secure w myself. I'm still really, really nervous about disclosing and dating. I don't know what is gonna happen. I do know that I'm not gonna have casual sex with guys that aren't really into me anymore, and that too is a relief. My mindset -Like I said, I don't know what is gonna happen to me. Then again, no one does. Really crappy stuff can happen to people- they can lose their legs, they can get cancer at a young age, their houses can burn down. There are people that still smile and laugh after that. You don't get to have a big, juicy life without some curveballs. I'm still nervous! But I have a crew, and a lot of stuff I want to do. That includes having kids. That includes getting married (I am more concerned with meeting a cool, smart person first, which seems hard enough!). -I've seen a lot of anger here. I've seen a lot of people who hate that medication reminds them of the person they shouldnt have trusted, and that pills are annoying. I can see some of that. But there's always a way to control your emotions. The time is gonna pass, you can sit around and have an angry, depressed life, or you can take control and figure out how to solve it (by the way, sometimes people get it from WONDERFUL human beings. It isn't about who you trusted, it's about this is just a virus that's really good at being a virus. It doesn't pick because of morals or decision-making. Maybe I got it from this guy that I really loved against my better judgment, but I'm not mad at him or myself about it). K that was really long, but I just wanted to dump it all at once. Thanks for reading!