Jojo84

Never disagreed with that. I actually 100% agree with you and believe me I am a victim too.. My ex has infected three other women that I know of. And I don't even want to know how many more there are or will be. Unfortunately, my hands are bound. And I would assume yours are too. Good luck to you!

@ScarredForLife I was infected by my ex partner in a very similar way than you were . Married for 7 years with no history of STD's. Got a divorce and the first person I met after my ex-husband knowlingly and carelessly infected me with HSV2. So I do understand the anger you feel. However, I think you fail to see the difference between deliberately and carelessly transmitting compared to taking the necessary pre-cautions to not infect a partner especially someone you are having a one-night stand with. The celebrities you are citing were sued because they were in full blown relationships with their partners. In seemingly loving relationships that should be built on trust and honesty. Probably having unprotected sex without disclosing. Should someone that deceives a partner in such a way be held accountable for it? Yes they should. And so should my ex and probably yours. But not every case, not every situation, not every sexual encounter should be or can be held to the same standard. Also, HIV and herpes should not even be mentioned in the same breath. HIV is a deadly virus. Herpes is a skin rash. How could we possibly even compare the two and the sentences that will be given in court? In my state for example you can't sue for herpes. Researched it, thought about it, let it go. Posts like yours further play into the stigma of herpes as an unbearable curse that will forever ruin your life. It is not. Had I read your post in he beginning stages of my diagnosis I might as well just jumped in front of the next train. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect it, but please take a breather. Nobody on this forum is going around deliberately infecting people. We are here to help each other, give advice and lift each other up.

@Overthinker2 I would like to give you my perspective as I have done both disclosed and not-disclosed. In my opinion there a two types of disclosure. The casual "I-just-want-to-have-sex-with you" disclosure that has almost always worked out for me. Yes, some men have left right after I disclosed but only to be back at my door step a couple days later. Casually disclosing is sexy, it is empowered, it is honest, it is badass and most importantly it is easy on you and your heart. My casual disclosures have been my most successful ones. Why? Probably because I wasn't emotionally invested. I was confident and not afraid of being rejected more than being rejected while asking someone out on a date or asking for a phone number. Rejection in that case is not more than someone not liking the way you dress, or the way you laugh, or the way your nose looks. It is not personal. I told them how it is and they went for it despite knowing the risks. Try it!!! You will be surprised how great it feels to have sex with someone that knows and that doesn't care. A place where you can be exactly who you are with a clear conscious and not a care in the world. But then there is the "I-really-like-you-and-want-to-be-serious- but-I-am-mortified-you-are-going-to-break-my-heart-and-reject-me" disclosure. This one is the hard one, the one I haven't quite mastered yet. But also the one that should open your eyes for what kind of person you are looking for. And what it really is you WANT in your life. I disclosed to someone that I had developed real feelings for. It was a mutual feeling of attraction and butterflies and falling in love at that point (so at least I thought) that led me to believe the person was the right one to disclose to. After three month of emotionally investing myself WITHOUT any sexual encounters he straight out left me out in the cold once I told him. No compassion, no discussion, not even a real I am sorry I just can't deal with it talk. The devastation and heartbreak I felt is hard to describe but guess what? I am more thankful than ever that he reacted the way he did cause I do not need anyone by my side who reacts in such a cruel and insensitive matter. Nobody does. And you do not need someone like this either. If you disclose and they run ask them to run faster. It weeds out the real keepers from the ones you thought were keepers. In that sense herpes isn't that bad. It actually can help to see what your eyes and heart sometimes fail to. And now to the hot topic of not disclosing. I have done it and I would advise for you to really think long and hard about going that route. In retrospect I wish I had handled the situation differently and disclosed. And why is that? I do share the opinion that in this day and age, with that much awareness and education, every sexually active person should be very much aware of the potential risk of catching an STD while engaging in casual sex without discussing the risks of doing so with said partner. I also believe that someone who takes ALL necessary precautions to not transmit the virus (condoms, antivirals, observation of outbreaks) does not put the person at risk more than the person is putting him or herself at risk by engaging in sex with someone they barely know. However, you have been through it yourself. We all have. The period of finding ourselves in the darkest hour. The process of understanding and accepting what we now live with and who we now are. The stigma, the rejection. And exactly that is what I am not ok with giving someone without offering the person a choice. And not because I HAVE to offer that choice or because I think everyone who doesn't disclose is a bad person, but more so because herpes has made ME a better and more compassionate person. Because I have decided that from now on I will take the liberty to force all my future sex partners into having to make the decision whether they would be able to handle a diagnosis like this or not themselves. And not me making it for them.

@Mmissouri! Thank you. I truly hope so. @whoknew Well said. Not only do I owe disclosing to the other person, but more so to myself. I've never looked at it that way before. But how true. Why hurting yourself in the process when you can prevent it right at the beginning where the only thing you probably like is the idea of what the person could be for you rather than what the person really is. In your case just as in mine, it is unbelievable how reckless people can be. My Ex's Ex girlfriend contacted me. She had two children with him and he gave her herpes while pregnant with his second child. Excuse me? We met and talked and she told me that he denied having it even though he was the only person she had sex with. When I confronted him he said he got tested and didn't have it. What a lie!!!! I can remember that I felt something on his penis one time and asked about it. He said it was a pimple. And me in my naive, totally in love and uneducated mind about std's believed him and didn't think twice about it. On another note, has anyone experience with H dating sites? Is this something that I should consider?

Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV-2 a little over a year ago. I got infected through my ex-boyfriend who knowingly passed the virus on to me while simultaneously cheating on me with numerous other women. In retrospect, I am lucky that I wasn't infected with something more serious. But still...The first 6 months I was mainly dealing with the aftermath of this terrible relationship and my poor judgement of character. Overall I have however started to come to terms with my new life and also tried to get back into the dating scene. The disclosure part seems to be my biggest challenge. I am struggling with when to disclose and also with the rejection that has followed after my disclosure. I have disclosed to three men since I've started dating again. Two of them that I went on a couple dates with and, when we started to become intimate, I immediately told them about my diagnosis. Both said thank you and how brave I was and how much they appreciated me, but disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Wow. Thank you much. I don't think I have ever felt so unwanted, and damaged, and not worth it. I suffered for a few weeks and then eventually got back up, straightened my crown and went back out. Fast forward and here we are. In July I met someone who unfortunately does not live in my city. We first just texted, then started talking on the phone. In September we started talking almost daily. Long and meaningful conversations with a very intelligent and educated man. Then we started face timing every day. And last weekend he finally came to visit me. Our time together was absolutely amazing. We were very connected and had such a good time. We made out a bit but I told him that I didn't want to have sex and he respected my decision like a gentlemen. When I dropped him off at the airport he told me that he wanted me to come visit him. He texted me when he landed how much he already missed me and how amazing our time was and I am. BINGO! At least my thoughts. I didn't tell him that weekend for different reasons. First off I was way to nervous and I already like this guy way too much. Second, I felt it wasn't the right place with him not being home but trapped in my apartment and my city. We did make plans for me to visit him next weekend and so I decided to disclose it then as he would be in his home and in his city and hopefully in a much more comfortable environment. However, we facetimed Tuesday and he casually mentioned that he was about to book tickets to a destination wedding in three weeks that I had invited him to!!! And that he couldn't wait to have sex with me :( Bomb dropped. I folded immediately and started THE TALK. I did the whole positive approach thing telling him how much he meant to me and how connected I feel to him. That I really like him and truly want to see where things can go with us. But that I want to built whatever we can be on honesty and integrity and that there is something that we have to discuss. The talk was horrible. I hated every second of it. I told him how I got it, how long I have had it. That I take suppressants, what his risk of infection is. He was very quiet but he asked a couple questions. He seemed visibly upset. For me and for himself. He thanked me for being honest (NOT AGAIN) and said that he needed time to think about everything but would call me the next day. I haven't heard a word from him since. This, the waiting, the feeling of complete helplessness is what kills me. I am hurting. And my heart is screaming. I am just so sad, that with one word everything changed. That with one word I am not even worth a text telling me that he needs more time. Or that he simply doesn't want to see me anymore. With one word, the amazing me turned into something defined by a diagnosis. It kills me to think that I will have to keep going through this. And I am not saying that he will not come around. Maybe he will and maybe I wasn't wrong about how amazing of a man I think he is. There is still a chance, but my hope is slowly dwindling. THIS is the worst part of having herpes. Rejection. Waiting. Doubting. Hurting. Not the actual virus. Disclosing will never not be an option. It will always be as much part of me as the virus itself. But when to do it, to not hurt like I am hurting right now, that is something that I don't know how to incorporate into my life. I guess just blurting it out immediately seems to be the best idea. At least I will not develop feelings for someone who will leave anyway. And if someone knows it and still sticks around, then maybe that is a person worth developing feelings for.