kaybee

Hi! Im a 25 year old girl who has had HSV2 for 5 years now. I ALWAYS disclose to my sex partners before we sleep together and ALWAYS use condoms. I try to be confident and state the facts and (truthfully) say it rarely affects me and I only have a couple outbreaks a year and would never sleep with someone if I felt it would be risky. Disclosures have all been positive for me (I’ve disclosed to at least 10 guys and my family / friends) but haven’t wound up having an outbreak while in a relationship/regularly sleeping with someone. Ive been single the past few years and I just met a new guy who I reallyyy like and could actually see a potential future with... we had a great first couple dates then I disclosed. He was kind and supportive and we slept together on two occasions. He thanked me after for being honest and said he trusts me. Cue now— I woke up today (4 days after we last slept together) feeling a little tingly and an out break started. It’s small and manageable just one sore BUT this is the first time I have had an actual outbreak while dating someone... He knows I have herpes but I’m petrified to tell him this early on that I’m having an actual outbreak. We’re planning on hanging out this week and I know it won’t be 100% safe for me to have sex yet. I have been non stop debating lying and saying I’m on my period or just not going home with him but that doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to start things off by lying (TMI but I do like period sex and I do want to go home and chill/watch tv with him) but I’m scared that if I say hey I’m having an outbreak it’ll make it more real to him and scare him off... Any advice on how to be honest after the disclosure goes well? Thanks guys I really appreciate it! Would you be honest and say I’m having an outbreak and can’t have sex right now but want to hangout OR just avoid sex by only seeing him in public / blaming your period? Any advice would greatly help!

Hi everyone! I'm sorry if this is graphic but I need some advice! I've had hsv 2 for a little over two years now. I had a terrible first outbreak but after that I've only had a few mild outbreaks mainly just tingly/itching with maybe a few cuts every once in awhile but never blisters. Yesterday I had intense itching/swelling in the spot I was infected and today I wokeup with about 12 extremely painful and itchy clustered yellow blisters. I've never had an outbreak with typical hsv2 blisters let alone this many! My first outbreak was only two bumps and randomly two years later im having this horrible, painful outbreak. I took a bath with Epsom salt and it helped a little and i dug up acyclovir that I haven't used in over a year but I'm scared of the blisters popping and I don't know what else to do. They cover a good inch of skin inside the outer lips of my labia so there's pressure against them and I'm just terrified that the pains only going to get worse. How long do the blisters typically take to heal from this stage? I was really happy with how my body has been handling the virus and thought it was supposed to get better with time, not worse! Now Im terrified that I'm always going to have these awful outbreaks... I'm on summer vacation from school and im not working but I have been stressed about my on and off relationship and about 2 weeks ago I did a full panel std test (negative thankfully) that had me anxious until I received the results last week. I feel like my stress triggers were all a few weeks ago more so than now, is it possible that they carried over? I also realized that I've been drinking more this summer than usual (wine with/after dinner almost every night plus going out on weekends...the curse and blessing of turning 21). I am also due to start my period this week. Maybe I need a life style change because I can't handle having another outbreak like this I've been crying on and off all day :( i just don't understand why im having such an exteme outbreak for myself compared to ever before. Any insight or advice is much appreciated!

Ah I'm sorry you're going through this during the holidays but your outlook so early on is inspiring :) my first ob was similar to yours, a few things I did was lean forward when I peed so the stream didnt touch my body, put on some baby powder after blow drying, and alternate between applying ice and a cool black tea bag to the area when I had down time. I'm scared of the tea tree oil (sounds like it would sting!) but Epsom salt, Ice/tea, and going commando were life savers! Goodluck healing and focus on the positive, stress is the worst thing you can do to your body. <3

For the first few months I was very tingly down there and it drove me insane, now I very rarely have any symptoms. Like dancer said, have patience-- it will pass :)

Thank you for everyone's responses, it's so incredible to have a community to reach out to and always receive such quick, thoughtful replies even during the holidays. It really does mean so much to me. @Seeker--im sorry for jumping to conclusions! I was extremely upset and sensitive when I read your reply. I felt like you were implying that I planned to sleep with him without disclosing, and I would absolutely never do that so it put me on the defensive. Like dancer said, im just really scared of someone I know thinking less of me. It would be a much bigger blow to be rejected by someone who's opinion I highly value than a guy that im just fooling around with. Regardless, I shouldn't have make an assumption and I sincerely apologize and appreciate you taking the time to reply to me at all. Thank you all for your encouraging words. I really do believe that I would regret it if i never tried...that gave me a lot of food for thought. He is a really sweet and respectful guy, I can't imagine him running around telling people or being mean to me. Worst case scenario he would say he can't handle the risk and I would have to put it in perspective and move on. An update on the situation: we've been texting the past few days (im out of town) and we were discussing trust in relationships and he told me that he wants me to fully trust him and would never hurt me. He went on to explain that he thinks we should have stayed close and have a lot we could teach eachother and asked if I wanted to hangout when were home. He even made a point to clarify that it didn't have to be at night again :) I don't know if there's any potential for a relationship given the long distance circumstances but I plan to hangout with him and see how it goes. If we do end up back at his house or wherever I'll just explain that I don't sleep with guys until were more serious as sex is important to me and we can do other things... Then if he's still interested/im still interested in something a little more serious down the line (who knows tho because I go back to school in early January :() then I will take the risk of disclosing. as much as I want to sleep with him, i think its the more mature decision to wait and it'll hurt me less emotionally as I do tend to get attached to guys I sleep with. It will also make potentially disclosing to him in the future way easier... I'll keep you all updated, thanks again and happy holidays :)

I know I have to disclose or just not sleep with him, I was more looking for advice on how to do it in this situation not judgment but thanks. It's not that I have more concern for a one night stand than a close friend, I just feel really uncomfortable telling someone who knew me for so long before my diagnose because I don't want him to see me differently or potentially tell any mutual friends...not that I necessarily think he will but it's a possibility.

Also I have sucessfully disclosed to two one night stands, but I was drunk and they were guys I met in college so it seemed easier for some reason. I think disclosing to someone who knew me all of high school (I was diagnosed freshman year of college) seems so much worse...

I reconnected with an old friend a few weeks ago. We talked for a week over text and finally met up to talk and one thing lead to another...suddenly we were passionately making out and I told him I was on my period (which was true).. We continued hooking up (mainly grinding with clothes on/making out sorry for the TMI!). It was so intimate and hot, I've never wanted to sleep with someone so badly. We met up again the next night and the same thing happened... We can't be together because we go to different colleges (long distance is just too much...and he's mutual friends with my ex boyfriend) but we were close friends for years in high school and im extremelyyy attracted to him. This is the first time we have ever hooked up (he had a long term gf in highschool) and it felt long overdue and perfect. We are planning to meet up in a week and obviously the period excuse will no longer apply and I'm not sure what to do... I don't think I can handle disclosing to someone who I don't plan to date... I think it would potentially scare him. I don't see why he'd want to take any risk just for a hookup, but I'm so attracted to him and haven't stopped thinking about those two nights together. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :(

Oops I mean hsv:)

I found a note recently in women's health about how hiv isn't a deal breaker in a guy because 1. He is honest 2. It's super common and 3 you can be almost completely protected by medicine condoms and avoiding sex during obs. I'm not sure if I notice herpes articles or comments more now that I have it or if it's becoming more mainstream to discuss, but either way it's nice to see. Nice find:) I love cosmo

I loveee bikram, it's so relaxing! Maybe try to immediently shower after and dry down there and if that doesn't help consider taking an acyclovir before class? I have a feeling cleaning up right after should help! Goodluck <3

I know exactly how you feel to the letter. I'm in college too and it's hard to hear my friends go on and on about who their latest one night stand is so casually. It was really difficult in the beginning but with time I've realized that I don't want to be that person. Every one night stand I had before h left me feeling a little empty and sad, sex without intimacy is never that great. I do chime in on occasion and throw out some std facts (ie did you know that you can still get herpes type one and two genitally as well as hpv, even WITH a condom?!) It's hard at first but with time you'll learn to educate when appropriate and simply agree to disagree when appropriate. When it comes to anything in life no two people will have the same opinions. You had a life changing experience that helped to mold you as a person when you contracted h, and your friends may end up in the same position and they may not. We all go through shit that changes us. Just try to remember that all you can control is your own life and happiness, and remember to be grateful for the lesson h taught you (and all of us). It seems like not too many people learn to accept h without finding themselves growing immensely as a person in ways that they are seriously thankful for. In the meantime, go out and have fun with your friends. Dance on a table top and have a drink and flirt with a cute guy if you feel like it and if you don't then do you girl! Live up being young and single (which you CAN and will do without casual sex!) and when you're ready I'm sure you'll meet a guy who's kind and smart and cares about you that you feel comfortable disclosing to. But in the meantime don't worry too much about it and enjoy your life! Like I said, I know exactly how you feel, but we can't let h define our college years or anything beyond them. Life is beautiful and were lucky to have the opportunity to live and love, there's no time to be sad or spiteful. Lots of love and good vibes your way

Yellow pus doesn't sound like hsv 2 to me...put the virus does present itself differently so you never know for sure until you get it swabbed! I would recommend planned parenthood, they are so kind and educated plus in california it's free if you don't have the income and in other states I'm sure it's very low cost. You should call and try to make an appointment for tomorrow!! A doctor needs to swab the fluid inside of one of the bumps to test it for hsv. Swab tests are highly accurate but you can also do a blood test to see if your body has built up antibodies to hsv (if it has, that means you've had the virus for longer...a blood test may be negative if you just contracted h because your body hasn't had time to build up antibodies. Look up your closests planned parenthood and call or make an appointment online ASAP! Goodluck love it'll be okay <3

I would love to go to the next one! You and Adrial are both so inspiring, I feel like you're both celebrities to me as silly as that is haha. I'm from the west coast but have family in North Carolina, how can I get more information (about pricing especially since I'm a broke college student lol)

Today I was talking to a woman I just met and she was telling me about how she used to work as a pharmacist. She went on and on about how intresting it was and mentioned that it was always fun to "secretly know" why people were getting certain medicines. She then says "for example, do you know what Valtrax is for?" With a shudder. My heart skipped a beat but I calmly said "yeah, it's for hsv 1 and 2". She then proclaimed "it's for herpes!" And made a disgusted face. she went on to say that she knew if someone got a daily supply it was always for type 2 and If it was just a few doses it was "just for cold sores". I said "you know, I have a lot of friends with herpes type one not just type two genitally and a lot of people take meds to prevent spreading it since 50 percent of new cases are from hsv1. It's super common and easily controlled, it's not a very big deal" thinking she would take the hint and lay off. Instead, she reels back and continues on about how it was gross that people have "flare ups" of herpes and she hated knowing they were near her during and ob and quickly cleaned the counter top when they left. I quickly excused myself because she was obviously not only uneducated but inconsiderate and immature. I just hope I made her stop to think about the facts behind herpes or atleast to reconsider who she shares her rude, stigma based views with. I'm just glad that I stood up for myself and fellow h+ers even when it was super uncomfortable. This experience would have deeply upset me a few months ago, but now left me feeling sorry for HER not myself and the responsible people choosing to take antivirals to prevent spreading hsv. Most of our life experiences are determined by our reactions to given situations, a little bit of perspective gives us a whole lot of power. Sometimes you can't predict talking to a potential jerk any more than you can predict getting herpes, but choosing to walk away with a smile and sense of contentment is a choice we all have. Namaste :)