southerngirl94

Hello All, I’m new to this site, but just from what I’ve seen already, I can tell that it will be a great thing for me to be a part of. I joined because lately I’ve been feeling depressed about my diagnosis. I just feel so worthless when I have and outbreak. Everything goes normal, then there's that smack in your face to remind you that you will never be able to just meet a person, date and fall in love without worrying that they'll leave you because of your disease. I began to look for support groups in my area (which is apparently too rural for that)- then I found you! I guess I should give some background and explain why I am writing this post: A year ago, I was dating a guy that I had known sense high school. A couple months into the relationship, he asked to move in together. I was already looking for an apartment of my own and being a college student, the extra money was useful. The first time I slept with him, he didn’t really ask- he just kind of pulled down my jeans and started- which I guess would be considered non-consensual but it’s done. I did notice a very small bump in his pelvic region but it genuinely looked like something you would get from shaving- it was TINY. I asked him about it and he said that it was nothing and he had always had it and even lied and said his doctors had tested him for everything and came back with no solution. LIE! A month later I noticed a small bump in my pubic area. I shave so I shrugged it off as an ingrown hair until I noticed how much it began to hurt as the day went by. I went to the doctor and she even thought it was an infected hair follicle. She was so sure of it that she gave me the option of not getting tested that day. But of course, my curious self had to go and agree to the cotton swabs. I was so confident that I was cleared when I left the hospital that when I got home, I joked with my boyfriend about how paranoid I was but I did suggest that we both get tested for STDs. Then he said something that I will NEVER forget: “If either one of us has anything, we can’t get mad at each other because we didn’t know.” A week later, a day after my 21st birthday, my doctor called me back and told me that I tested positive for HSV-2. He was positive as well. I stayed with him because I assumed that I was in love. That is until 3 months later I noticed a smell coming from that area and tested positive for gonorrhea. Knowing that I got tested for everything when I tested for herpes and that I had been faithful, I was pissed. He was not only cheating, but being irresponsible as well. He allowed me to walk around with an infection for God knows how long, and I knew that the next STD he gave me might kill me. I moved out within the same month. So here I am, a year later… Single and 22 years old with herpes. I have really good guys that want to pursue a relationship with me, but it hurts that I always have to turn them down due to my disease. I’m talking to a guy right now who’s been wanting to date me forever. It kind of works because he’s out of the country on active duty right now but he’ll be back next year. I really like him and I want to tell him before it becomes a relationship- so were just friends right now. I’m afraid that I might have to let him go as well because I don’t want to develop feelings for this guy only to have my heart broken. Like, what guy in his right mind knowingly takes that risk? I’m worried that this STD is going to have me floating around in meaningless relationships for the rest of my life. I guess my question is how do you guys cope with it? Do you date people who don’t have herpes or do you only date other positive people? And if you’re dating people who aren’t positive, how did you explain it to them? How do you stay optimistic? Thanks, Southerngirl94