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Answersneededplz

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  1. Well, I wouldn't say it was a perfectly normal 15 years :) It has definitely impacted the way I feel going into a new relationship... always worrying when I'm intimate with someone that I'm going to pass it to them .. I haven't dated in awhile & am worried that I'll be alone forever . I've been so worried ( although there are definitely other reasons that have nothing to do with the HSV) and scared to date that it's been easier to push people & feelings away . So now here I am alone with no children & a little worried that this is it :( but , in regards to the physical impact of the virus , I think I've been pretty fortunate. I'm just hoping it stays that way. I agree, the feeling that you don't have control over your own body is one of the hardest parts . I keep trying to remember that there are so many worse things that could be happening, but sometimes it's hard to put things into perspective when your in the middle of dealing with something difficult.
  2. I completely understand that . I have not told anyone , and that definitely makes it feel lonelier . I think it's wonderful that you are reaching out to a therapist . I think you're right , that talking about it to a neutral person will help you to get all of the feelings and thoughts about it out in the open and give you the one on one support to help you heal :) I wish you all of the best through that process . I too have my good and bad days . I was diagnosed about 15 years ago & for the most part was doing ok... until about 2 weeks ago when I got what I believe was my 2nd outbreak. It brought back a lot of the emotions and shame I felt when I was first diagnosed ... and I was *just* starting to feel ready to date again :( . I know too what you mean when you say you worry about every little "feeling" being another outbreak... I feel like I constantly worry about that . It truly messes with your head doesn't it ? Please, if you would like , keep me updated on how therapy goes. As much as I don't want anyone else to go through this , it's nice to finally talk with someone in a similar situation who really gets it. I wish you all of the best ! You & I will both get through this & be a lot stronger for it ! :)
  3. Hi ash2018, First, I'm sending you big hugs . I completely understand the emotional ups and downs. I understand the feeling that your life will never be the same and I've also said a million times that I just want my old life back , I miss the me I used to be. You are not alone . Just reading the stories on here , reaching out for support will help you get through the rough moments. It's not easy , I know. It's affected me emotionally for a long time , it's made me feel at times that I've ruined my life & it's made me envious of people who get to have a "normal" life and not worry about this stupid virus . I know that for all of us dealing with this it really is our minds 'blowing it out of proportion ", but it's how we feel .. don't beat yourself up for having feelings & emotions around this . It's ok to be sad or angry or scared ... you sound like a very strong person , and with support I have no doubt you will get through this & be happy again :) I'm always here if tot need to talk . Take care !
  4. Thank you so much for your response . Dealing with this alone has been very depressing... I know that these recent feelings have a lot to do with the recent outbreak & feeling like everything is hopeless again . Everything feels so impossible. I've never been married and never had children & I know that the HSV diagnosis makes it harder to believe that I deserve any of that or can realistically have any of that . Well , also the fact that I'm 41 makes it a bit more unlikely now too. Somedays I feel like it would be nice to just feel like I deserve to be loved & wanted again . I love the idea of the journaling project . I think I will try that . I hate that I have always allowed this diagnosis to have such an impact on my self worth . It's a stupid skin condition that most of the time is not evident .. I hate that I have allowed the social stigma of it to have the impact it has . I hate that i have the same virus as someone with cold sores & that is more socially acceptable. I'm always afraid now too that every little itch or weird feeling is the HSV . It's all become so frustrating all over again :(
  5. I'm starting to feel like my only option for dating is to go on a std specific dating website. I've tried other sites but I always feel like such a liar & fake & feel like I'm just going to end up pushing people away because who is going to want to deal with this ?? I have HSV 1 genitally & just had my 2nd outbreak in 15 years so it's bringing a lot of my fears & self disgust back to the surface. I was with someone for 6 years & as far as I know never passed it , he was fine with it & supportive when I told him , but I'm afraid that won't happen again :(
  6. Yes, I certainly do obsess about it sometimes ( well, a lot) . Yes, I had a very stressful week right before this outbreak, which I'm sure was the reason this happened now . I can't tell you how much I appreciate having someone to talk to who understands this ... it feels very lonely sometimes. And of course this had to happen when I was just starting to feel ready to try and date again ... now I'm not sure I should even try :(
  7. Thank you so much for your response . I was tested over 4 months after my last sexual contact and it was negative for HSV 2 > 0.9. I'm wondering if I should do it again in another 4-6 months or just be confident that it's only HSV 1... it just concerns me that I had my first outbreak in 15 years & it seemed worse than the initial. It also makes me wonder if other things along the way were outbreaks & I didn't know... and that makes me wonder if my body is reacting worse than I thought. Also , now that the sores are healing , I still have discharge, slight itching & just noticed today a rash on the skin on my bikini area. It doesn't itch or hurt ... I don't know what the heck is going on !!!
  8. Thank you so much for the response . I have done a lot of research & as you know there is a lot of conflicting information out there. I read that a blood test will likely be accurate 16 weeks after exposure , but then I also read the only really accurate test is the western blot which sounds expensive... it's so frustrating...
  9. Hi . I was diagnosed with HSV 1 genitally about 15 years ago . From what I remember it was a pretty mild outbreak... I have had no noticeable sores since then ... until recently ... starting Saturday I noticed swelling, pain , itching & discharge ... I noticed today that overall the symptoms are better & one of the sores is scabbed over . I still have some discomfort and discharge though. My question is this... is it normal for the second outbreak to be worse 15 years later with HSV 1? I had a blood test 5, almost 6 months after my last sexual relationship & it was positive for HSV 1 of course, but negative for HSV 2... is it possible that it was a false negative & I do have HSV 2? Also , I have noticed at times that I have a constant "sensation" in the original site of my outbreak. Is that me being paranoid or is that constant viral shedding or something related to the HSV ? Thank you for taking the time to answer :)
  10. Thank you for your response and thank you for everything you do here. I have watched quite a few of your videos online & they've been a huge source of comfort and support while trying to deal with the unknowns .
  11. Thank you for your response. She took a swab of the discharge to test for other stds. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid & feeling really guilty for making a stupid decision, but every new symptom is making me paranoid. I obsessively look for any signs of sores , I feel irritated & red in the vaginal area, I had cold symptoms & I think a slight fever. She said she couldn't determine if it was herpes unless there was an obvious sore, so I will probably have to wait at least a month to get a blood test. I know hsv 1 is in my system somewhere, I'm afraid for my health if I get both. Maybe I'm being overly anxious but I feel ashamed & scared.
  12. I'm hoping I'm in the right place . I just had a few questions that I was hoping someone could give me insight on. I had clumpy white vaginal discharge a few days after sex , with a stuffy nose , maybe a slight fever.. No blisters have appeared that I can see. The discharge seems to have cleared for the most part , but the mild itching is still there. I guess my question is , could this have been my body trying to fight off the virus ? Would it come & go so quickly ? Maybe milder because I have hsv 1 antibodies in my system. I'm just worried and waiting to test is causing a lot of anxiety. Any insight would be appreciated . Thank you
  13. I should also mention that the discharge seems to come & go
  14. I had unprotected sex about 5 days ago. I started to notice a clumpy white vaginal discharge, no odor , a stuffy nose on one side , sneezing & maybe a fever (not sure). Is this a sign of a new herpes infection ? I don't see any sores, but am paranoid about every thing that feels tingly or off. I appreciate any feedback. I should also mention that a past blood test has shown hsv 1, but not sure what location , I've never had an outbreak. Also paranoid about HIV , of course. It's killing me to have to wait at least a month for testing . Had other tests to swab the discharge. Hoping to get results back tomorrow. Again , thank you for your time .
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