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Leelu

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  1. Back story: I've had HSV-2 for three and a half years. I didn't date or have any kind of sexual interactions for the three years since the "giver" and I broke up, until last month. Met a guy, we clicked immediately, went on one date, but he has been away a lot for work, and it seems like his interest has disappeared. (I still hope we'll date in the new year when his schedule settles down a little, but I'm not waiting around.) I had been really anxious about how and when to disclose to him, since I'd never had to tell anyone before, I really like him, and I'm terrified of rejection. Well, I was hanging out with another guy this weekend after the bar, initially just as friends. There were a few people there, but then they left, and we decided to watch a movie and cuddle. We started making out, and he wanted to go further, and I kept making up excuses, but he was persistent (and I wanted to have sex with him, too, I just didn't want to tell him my dirty little secret). Finally I told him--and he has it too!!! What a relief! He had never talked about it to anyone before, and was glad to be able to discuss it with someone. We had a short conversation about it, then proceeded to have great sex. We're just friends, not dating or anything, and it felt easier to tell him because I had nothing to lose. Now that I have my first disclosure out of the way, I feel better about my future. But telling someone I really like will still be scary and difficult...
  2. This is pretty much my exact situation right now, with a new guy I felt an instant connection with, and who I'm really excited about. The underlying anxiety is not allowing me to truly enjoy it. Unlike you, though, I have never had to disclose before, so I'm especially frightened by the potential outcome. I too am emotional, in that I have Bipolar Disorder (which the guy already knows about). The e-book is great, and I'm getting lots of good tips from the forums, but I feel like I need a specific script to go off of. I also have social anxiety, and while it's REALLY easy to talk to him, a topic like this seems to paralyze my vocal chords.
  3. I'm in therapy, and it is helping a lot with the whole love and acceptance thing. :) Now, on the topic of disclosure itself--while I got H in a long-term, monogamous relationship, I am a "free spirit," and have had a tendency toward casual sex, or sex on the first or second date (always with protection). I don't really know how (or how long) to delay a sexual relationship. I know that giving more time to get to know one another will be great for the relationship, but I'm so used to giving into that desire when it comes up. (Pun not intended, lol.) I'm not used to having a conversation about waiting to have sex until I'm in a committed relationship. The last time I had that talk was probably 18 years ago--since then, the commitment talk would normally come after sleeping together for a time. I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him into a relationship, but the sooner I have that talk, the less time I have to delay/put off, make excuses to not sleep with him. I'm just not used to that lifestyle. I feel like the timing of the commitment and/or disclosure talk is tricky in this situation, since we won't get to see each other often. I don't want to wait a couple months. I'll see him in two weeks, and then not again until January. I know no one can make this decision for me, but I'd love all the opinions/perspectives I can get. I have a lot to discuss in therapy this week, lol.
  4. It is NOT typical to get outbreaks that often... I was just lucky, ha. Thanks for saying I'm strong, I certainly don't feel it.
  5. Thank you for your reply. I guess my concern with this is because I've bought into the stigma of both illnesses, and I expect others to feel the same way about them. I've found it really hard to accept and love myself, so why would anyone else? The fact that my ex left me because of my bipolar diagnosis doesn't help, either. I really like this new guy, and I think I would be devastated if he rejects me because of H. I have a lot of anxiety about it, and I'm trying to prepare for the worst.
  6. My first outbreak was SEVERE. I was given antivirals and pain meds, too. (The pain meds definitely helped, but I ran out before my outbreak ended.) My first OB was so extreme, so painful, and it lasted two weeks. I just told work I was sick. (And I was--I had pretty bad flu symptoms during it, too.) TMI, but I couldn't leave the apartment during the first week, because I couldn't even wear underwear, I was in such bad condition. As more time passes, your OB's won't be so bad, because your body builds up antibodies to help fight it off. Also, you will learn the signs of a coming OB (tingling, etc), and start taking the antivirals immediately at that point. They do more than shorten the symptoms by one day--you will have less sores during, and it shouldn't be as painful, AS WELL AS shorten the duration. In my case, after my first OB, it never last more than a week. When I was first diagnosed, my doctor gave me a prescription to take only during outbreaks, because we didn't know how often I would end up having outbreaks, or if I would ever have another one. I was told to revisit after a year to decide if I needed suppressive therapy, or just continue on an OB basis. Well, during that year, I had an OB EVERY MONTH (one month I had two), so I ended up going on suppressive therapy after about 9 months. I still had the occassional OB, and when that happened, I was to take 3 pills a day (acyclovir), instead of just the 2 I take for suppression. The OB's shortened considerably, in severeness and duration, and came less and less often. Now, 3 and a half years later, I haven't had an outbreak in more than a year, and that one was only because I moved, had to switch doctors, had problems getting my records transferred, and my new doctor (Planned Parenthood) couldn't give me a prescription unless I actually showed symptoms. That was awful--just waiting for an OB. And because I couldn't take the antivirals until after the OB started, it was worse, and lasted longer, than normal. Anyway, I just wrote a novel, haha. This is just a little info to help you understand what it's actually like in a personal case, and that it DOES get better. I'm still on suppressive therapy, and I'm totally fine with that, because I have to take other meds daily, anyway. Good luck to you! Oh, and your doctor doesn't know sh*t, excuse my French. ;) You CAN transfer it when you're not having an OB, because of asymptomatic viral shedding, but there are ways of reducing the risk--including being on suppressive therapy. Sorry, I can't help on any insurance information, but the meds are pretty expensive without insurance. Edited to add: Wait, your doctor didn't even give you antivirals??? Get a new doctor!
  7. I just discovered this site last week, after searching for "herpes disclosure," and boy, do I wish I had found it sooner! I was diagnosed with HSV-2 almost 3 and a half years ago, 7 months into a monogamous relationship. My partner was asymptomatic, and said he didn't know he had it. (I'm now doubting that a little, based on later behavior.) I had a TERRIBLE time after finding out, I felt extremely dirty and unlovable. I have suffered from depression pretty much my whole life, and this threw me down into a black hole. My partner and I were together for another 6 months, and split for other reasons. I still had a big problem with being H+, and thought I would never be in another relationship EVER. I haven't dated since then (one month shy of 3 years), until last night--first date with an amazing guy I met a couple weeks ago, who I am extremely excited about. This is why I finally did a "disclosure" web search. I knew it would come to that, if things work out with this guy, and I was terrified of having to do it, and being rejected. (This site never came up when I searched previously for just herpes.) I have to tell you, in the just the past few days of reading the posts here, I feel SO MUCH BETTER about myself, and future potential for love. I'm still really worried about possible rejection, but the fact that it gives me a reason to take things slow is an opportunity to really get to know each before jumping into bed (which I probably would have in the past.) I'm also worried about rejection because 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (the reason my last partner left me, and the biggest reason I have felt awful about myself), so I have two strikes against me. This guy already knows about the BD, and he's okay with it, but I know he's still trying to figure out how stable I am--he knows I've had a rough time in the past couple years. (For the record, I am pretty stable now, which is why I finally feel ready to date again.) But honestly, how many guys/people do you know who would get involved with someone with mental illness AND HSV? I'm going to give him some time to really start to adore me (ha) before we have "the talk," but it can't be too long! He already invited me over to his place at the end of our date last night (I declined). So, even though I'm feeling more accepting of myself and more confident, I'd really like to know what your perspective is on having these two strikes against me, and how to have the disclosure conversation. He travels a lot, so we won't get to spend much time in person in the next month, but I see us definitely wanting to sleep together soon. (FYI, we're both in our late 30's-early 40's.)
  8. My doctor told me it was 2-10 days. I showed symptoms in 2 days. I was also told that the first outbreak is the worst one, and with how severe mine was, I had just contracted it (HSV 2). However, I've seen posts on here that say someone was asymptomatic, but positive, for 30 years, then had an outbreak. Which is it? My partner and I assumed he gave it to me, but could I have been asymptomatic for the 15 years I was sexually active before we were together?
  9. Nope, wasn't in the spam folder. I just got your message, though! Thanks!
  10. How can I download the free e-book and handouts? I keep getting directed to the same page to enter my e-mail address, where I'm told I already have an account, but I haven't received a download link or anything in my e-mail.
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